Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Massively fucked up

25 replies

LooolLa · 04/05/2023 16:11

Okay I've made such a mess.

i slept with my ex. He is the father to my son.

it kind of just happened, I know that such a cliche but we had a stressful moment with something going wrong with our son so he hugged to make me feel better and I don't know, we started kissing and it just went from there. Completely lost my head

he has a girlfriend who he lives with.

what an absolute mess

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 04/05/2023 16:14

Don't let it happen again its too easy to fall into the role of "side piece" he will come up with an excuse why he can't end it and then the dance begins

Or he could be contrite and genuine

0ddSock · 04/05/2023 16:17

I think he's the one that needs to be worried....

Original poster
LooolLa · 04/05/2023 16:17

He's been flirty and talking about doing it again.
I know he doesn't actually want me, he's just bored with normal life. He did the same thing when we were together.
I feel so disgusted with myself

OP posts:
Mabelface · 04/05/2023 16:22

You fucked up, yes, but you're not the one with a partner here. You do, however, have to now lay down some very firm boundaries with your ex and be very clear that it won't happen again, and the only contact you will have with him moving forward will be about your child. Take a huge step back from him.

MadelineZott · 04/05/2023 16:22

Just put it down to a mistake made in a time of stress, put it behind you and move on. It's not so terrible. If he brings it up, just say it was a mistake and you don't want to repeat it. You're not disgusting, just vulnerable at the time. Be kinder to yourself.

CurlewKate · 04/05/2023 16:23

Morning after pill and STD tests. Then don't do it again.

Hoppinggreen · 04/05/2023 16:30

Hopefully you used contraception, if not MAP and STI checks
It was a bad idea and don’t do it again but he’s the one who cheated not you

Notimeforaname · 04/05/2023 16:37

Call him or send him a txt stating this will not be happening again, it was a mistake and you're not interested in him flirting with you.

I feel awful for his girlfriend.

C1N1C · 04/05/2023 16:41

Lots of the "it's bad but you're a woman, so it's forgivable" lot here!

No, you knew he was in a relationship, so you're just as bad as he is. He cheated, but you seduced him. Yet somehow he's the (main) bad one?

Divorcedalongtime · 04/05/2023 16:42

He fucksd up way worse.

Wtfishappeningandwhy · 04/05/2023 16:43

Sounds like he’s feeding his own ego, act light and breezy like you are not bothered or affected by it, a one off, you’ve forgotten about now, it didn’t even register to you in your life - sort of thing. He’s looking for a thrill, don’t give him it.

NurseCranesRolodex · 04/05/2023 16:44

Put it down to experience, forget about it and make clear asap you view it as a mistake. Stop beating yourself up. Just move on.

skippy67 · 04/05/2023 16:44

This was posted a few weeks ago, almost word for word...

PinkyFlamingo · 04/05/2023 16:46

I hope you used contraception. You need to forgive yourself if you feel disgusting.

Original poster
LooolLa · 04/05/2023 16:48

I have the implant so contraception is not an issue

I will get checked for std's though

I'm honestly surprised by how nice people have been to me on here. I expected to get torn apart (which would be deserved)

thank you everyone

OP posts:
weirdoboelady · 04/05/2023 16:51

LooolLa · 04/05/2023 16:48

I have the implant so contraception is not an issue

I will get checked for std's though

I'm honestly surprised by how nice people have been to me on here. I expected to get torn apart (which would be deserved)

thank you everyone

It sounds as if you are beating yourself up bigtime. My advice to you is to be kind to yourself. You wouldn't treat a friend the way you are treating yourself, in your head, right now.

You can't undo it, so the best way forward is to make it clear to your ex it was a never to be repeated event, do all the sensible things you have already listed, and try to forgive yourself and love yourself. We all make mistakes.

KarmaStar · 04/05/2023 17:04

What is your aibu?to sleep with your ex knowing he had a partner? If so,yes.
If a man had posted this the reaction would have been much worse.
If you are not over him then keep as far away as you can from intimidate situations.that was a nasty thing to do to his partner by both of you.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 04/05/2023 17:21

Keep it in perspective. Yes, a shitty enough thing to do when he has a girlfriend but it's not like you intentionally went out of your way to do it.

I hate cheating and have a low tolerance for it but let's be honest, a lot of us are comforted by the familiar at times of stress & vulnerability. It's not an excuse but it is an explanation.

Quit beating yourself up, get the MAP, an STI test and resolve to never put youself in a position where it happens again. You can't take it back, but don't compound it by a repeat performance. Never ever again is all you can do.

Girlboss1989 · 04/05/2023 17:31

DW about it girl, shit happens, no one got hurt, well apart from his girlfriend, but by the sounds of it she'd be better off without him anyway. Everything happens for a reason, move on with your life and don't think about it again. Also tell the girlfriend

Seas164 · 04/05/2023 17:39

Ignore any "flirting", if you genuinely regret it (and I think there's a part of you that at least let it happen, so it's important to be honest with yourself, if not here) then back yourself up and make sure you don't put yourself in the position for it to happen again. Keep things arms lenth, polite but business like and solely child focussed, and move on.

Also ignore @C1N1C who is suggesting you're some kind of siren, who's seduced your unsuspecting ex who has a partner, with your temptress ways. Bollocks.

AllOfThemWitches · 04/05/2023 18:08

Well, he sounds nice

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 04/05/2023 18:12

C1N1C · 04/05/2023 16:41

Lots of the "it's bad but you're a woman, so it's forgivable" lot here!

No, you knew he was in a relationship, so you're just as bad as he is. He cheated, but you seduced him. Yet somehow he's the (main) bad one?

How did she seduce him ffs

They both had sex

Hawkins003 · 04/05/2023 18:14

skippy67 · 04/05/2023 16:44

This was posted a few weeks ago, almost word for word...

If that's the case then where's the thread to prove it ?

MortalWomb4t · 04/05/2023 18:38

I'm not you. Thankfully! Sorry but if you were my friend, I would ask wtf you were thinking! Stressed or not I'd rather slather my nethers in honey and hover over a wasps than sleep with an ex. Presumably there's still feelings on your side. You never said (if I missed it apologise) if you had a partner but he does, so did he end things? He just got his end away. Typical d!ck move.

Vitriolinsanity · 04/05/2023 21:13

Didn't really work on reducing those stress levels did it?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread