Husbands Mood

[Dressertv]

Happy to be told I’m being to sensitive but wanted some perspective here.

Basically when my husband hasn’t slept well or is in a bad mood due to stress at work or football results etc. He seems to take it out on me. Not in an abusive husband way at all I should add. Just generally being a dark cloud and then it puts a damper on everything. His moods really affect me (I’m very empathic in that way and my moods are very swayed by others).

Hard to hold a conversation, doesn’t talk much and goes very insular. Which in turn sets off my anxiety as I think I’ve done something wrong and if I ask it’s just “nothings wrong”.

DD was driving him mad at the weekend we are at a difficult age and she wouldn’t get in her pram properly sort of laying half in half out with feet on the floor. He then decided that ramming the pram to make her move (either to get into the pram or get out) was a good idea. I was upset he thought taking his anger out on our DD was a good idea.

Am I crazy? Any tips on how I can approach this conversation? Or should I let it be? Everyone has down days and moments of frustration (I just bloody wish he could communicate this)

I know exactly what you mean. I'm just going to put out there that being in such a mood that it effects others can be a sign of controlling/abuse.

But having said that if he's generally a nice guy who just can't keep a bad mood to himself then what I've tried over 15 long years of marriage that actually seems to be working for me is:

Talking about hin to it when we are both receptive happy and relaxed. Not while it's happening.

When he's in a mood I just ignore it basically and get on and do my own thing - it's taken years - but yes, it's him not me.

We both of us know we have our trigger points - stress at work for me (used to be for him too but he changed jobs) - not having being able to exercise is a trigger for him.

Also food - he's a bugger for being hangry. That shouldn't be my problem to fix but I've found that making myself a bit of toast, or ordering a cake I don't want and leaving it in eyesight often makes for him being a bit nice so he can see the wood for the trees.

@BarrelOfOtters honestly he is a lovely husband and man! He doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. Just almost emotionally immature at times I guess?

I will try this next time, it’s him not me and crack on with my day.

I'm not sure if i'd call a man who'd 'ram' the pram his DC was sitting half in, half out of as a lovely dad.

He then decided that ramming the pram to make her move (either to get into the pram or get out) was a good idea.

he is a lovely husband and man! He doesn’t have a bad bone in his body

He isn't lovely though is he? He could have hurt your small child. Everyone gets annoyed / upset / end of their tether at times but as adults we shouldn't be taking it out on others. He needs to learn to remove himself from the situation.

He also needs to acknowledge the impact this is having on you, because you shouldn't be worried about his moods / reactions to normal day to day life. You haven't really given enough detail here for anyone to label him as abusive (or not), but I think you need to honestly reflect on his patterns of behaviour and how you feel about it.

What would his reaction be if you tried to talk to him about this during a calmer time? I think the answer to this would be quite telling.

@Serenity45 its a good point he does need to remove himself. We should talk and have a code word for when one of us needs space in a situation with the DC.

I told him in the moment with the pram situation and he apologised straight away to me (not to DC) I was just so annoyed I should have called him out on it.

I do tell him how he’s affecting me and he does always apologise but he never learns almost like he’s self centred.