Was anyone abandoned as a child and blamed for i

[Mooshamoo]

I was abandoned my my dad as a child. He met another woman and that was it, he didn't want to see me again. I tried for ages to get him to see me. I wrote him so many letters. He wouldn't see me . I gave up.

When I was older I met my father's side of the family. My uncle and cousins. My fathers brother.

To my horror, they blamed me for my father abandoning me. They told me that it was my fault, because I had apparantly been nasty to my father when I was a child. And my father went though a lot of stress. They were absolutely convinced of this . And I was treated like I was the bad person. I just couldn't believe it.

It still eats me up to this day!

It seems to me that if a man abandons his child, it's easier for some people to victim blame and blame the child. Like he left the child so the child must have done something wrong. Rather than saying "actually this man abandoned his child for no reason"

How can people be so cruel. Has this ever happened to anyone on here?

This. How dare they try to blame you for what their loser family member did.

How old were you when your dad left op?

His side of the family needs to be avoided forever btw

I was 5 when my parents divorced. I didn't see him again until I was 12. I think contact was restablished then because my brother was very ill. And he was told that my brother was in hospital . I saw my dad three times when I was 12 to 14. Then he wrote me a letter saying he didnt want to see me and my brother again. And he never saw us again.

I think my dad said to me when I was 14 in the letter "that it was too stressful for him to see me and my brother"

It’s unusual to blame it on a child, so sorry you went through this. Such abandonments by fathers are more often blamed on the mother being obstructive.

I agree about the victim blaming from his family and can understand how hard that is to get past. There’s a quote by Judith Hermann that I found helpful in a similar situation. These are not her words but the gist of it - the perpetrator isn’t asking anything at all from the bystanders/relatives etc, but when the victim is appealing to others for validation, to be believed, for justice or whatever, they are asking something from people. Victim blaming is the only real solution that allows people to feel ok about not helping or responding to the plight of the victim

I feel deeply for you op
Being abandoned is traumatic. Being blamed for it is inhumane.

You are not the one to blame. You are not the one that was the cause. You are not the one that was at fault. You were left. You were abanded. You were scarred by your own father. This is all on him.

I really hope you'll see a specialist therapist to help you.

I feel truly, deeply sad for the 5yo you. And the teenage you. And the you now
Being abandoned changes you. I send you some mental buckets of tiny tiny tiiiiny little lights
They won't fix you. They won't help you. But I hope they might give you a glimpse of light every now and then.

My mum did it to me. I was 6 years old and she had a new marriage and a new son so she left me to live with my grandparents. Insists to this day it was because I asked to live with them. I was 6.
She did the same to my brother when he was 6 and she'd moved on again sent him to live with his Dad because he wanted to then never had any contact with him or paid a penny for either of us.

I don't know if its possible to heal from, maybe you can patch it over but something always rips the scab right off and the pain comes rushing back. I've had counselling and now have a diagnosis of BPD and attachment disorder that has been blamed on being abandoned.

The reality is OP people who behave like your father have often be brought up by people who enable them and they’d amoral decision making.

My grandmother did it with her sons. It’s a disgrace.

It could never have been your fault. All I’d suggest is getting help to deal with having a shitty paternal family. At least you haven’t had to have them in your life.

Christ, sorry for the typos.

I'm so sorry this is tormenting you, it must be so difficult. Have you tried any counselling/talking therapies? They can be incredibly helpful with these situations, especially at being able to pick apart issues where you don't quite have the full story. It sounds like you do understand that you weren't to blame, AT ALL, but it may help you get some closure and move on. I wish you the best of luck

It’s so sad how people can be to children. I hope you have a much better life now without them in it.

They are basically just really fucking stupid people who enjoy deluding themselves. I can’t imagine anyone in my family making excuses for my brother ditching his kid let alone blaming the kids.

It’s on your dad, cut off the spiteful bastards, nothing you say will change their minds. Chuck them in your mental bin and walk away and thank god you didn’t take after your fathers side. You need to start seeing them with the utter disdain they deserve.