Need advice, I cannot forgive myself for a mistake at work

[CatTrees]

Good morning, I have been at my new job (heavy industry) for 4 months. Due to inexperience with a particular machine I don't often use, I absolutely cocked up and caused a lot of damage. No one was hurt but I feel absolutely terrible. I was someone they could rely on and I really let everyone down.

People have been trying to make me feel better, saying it's been done before, won't be the last time but I hold myself to a high standard and can't get it out of my head or shake the feeling that everyone is disappointed in me. Please help

Thanks everyone. I'm definitely self indulging in a pity party. And the story about the slushy machine made me chuckle haha how awful

Good advice.

This.

I'm a safety consultant in a niche area and your posts raises a long list of issues that your company should have addressed long ago.

Sounds like this equipment should have had an alarm, and even better be designed to stop the thing that happened happening in the first place. Alarms are only a back up.

Then there are questions about whether the risk assessment was suitable and sufficient (probably not).

Proper investigation of repeated near misses/accidents and measures put in place to prevent reoccurrences.

Was the situation reportable under RIDDOR (reporting of injuries, diseases and dangerous occurences) regulations. Was what happened a 'dangerous occurrence' that is reportable to HSE?

Then the obvious lack of training in use of machinery.

I read a lot of accident reports where people have died or been seriously injured. All of the above comes up just about every time.

If your company don't appear to be taking this issue seriously and it's a health and safety matter, not just damaged product/equipment, you should consider reporting them to the Health and Safety Executive.

https://www.hse.gov.uk/contact/tell-us-about-a-health-and-safety-issue.htm

(note the bit about legal protection against dismissal for whistleblowers).

This, though harsh, is true. It gets really wearing reassuring someone. If this is something you suffer from (refusal to accept less than perfection) then it would be good to do some work on that and why. Everyone is human , mistakes happen and if you are usually a reliable worker people will be fine and see it as a blip. Don’t let this one thing define you.

i sometimes find it useful to think of people like politicians and the stuff they do and cock up majorly (people do die) and are not even apologetic, not a way to live your life but good to take a little minuscule bit of that approach.

I had a similar situation 2 weeks into a new job, it was awful and I was mortified! I think, like you, the worst part for me was feeling like I'd let people down and that they'd think badly of me. However, my colleagues were brilliant about it. I always tell the story to new starters now to reassure them that it's ok to fuck up sometimes as long as you learn from it! I've been here nearly 7 years now and it has never been mentioned by anyone and I've definitely proved myself since! Give yourself one last full day of really wallowing in it, have a good cry, then start again afresh tomorrow.

@Reallybadidea nails it:

If you minimised it, tried to blame others or made the same mistake again then your colleagues might think differently of you. But the fact that they're all trying to reassure you demonstrates that they have faith in you and like you. They might even think more highly of you now because you're willing to accept responsibility and obviously care about your work.

Go easy on yourself, OP, and let it go.

You sound lovely and conscientious and obviously your colleagues appreciate and respect you as they are trying to reassure you. Sounds like you've suggested ways for improvements as well, you honestly sound like an exemplary employee and you made a mistake, you are human. Show yourself some kindness

Their fault then, not yours. A sink or swim approach means mistakes will inevitably be made and someone will probably have a nasty accident one day and the company will be prosecuted by the HSE.

If people, including managers, are telling you that this has happened several times in the past then the company should be reviewing its training practices.

I think your company have mucked up by not giving adequate training.
Don't beat yourself up about it, it's their own fault, and quite likely why your boss is annoyed

I design and build quite complex machines.

I work very hard to make them indestructable by end users, but because they are complex and designed to be programmed, it is hard to cater for every eventuality.

The issue is though, when someone manages to damage one of my creations, it is my fault, not the operator, for not putting in the necessary safeguards. Unless the operator is doing something that constitutes abuse (such as taking a hammer to it) it can never be the operators fault. The more valuable the machine, the more comprehensive the safeguards must be.

People make mistakes. People running machines all day every day are going to make mistakes. It happens. Learn from it, channel your energy into something more constructive, maybe setting up a meeting in the business to report stuff when things go wrong and issue instructions or change procedures to improve the situation to stop it happening again. Don't dwell on this particular incident.

I have a similar tendency to dwell OP, sometimes for years! I recently made a driving error - not one that put anybody at risk but one that made me feel really stupid. I kept going over and over it in my head but the thing that helped in the end was actually telling myself out loud that it was a mistake, it’s over, there were no lasting consequences and what I’d learned from it. It seemed to make something click in my brain so I could stop thinking about it.