Aibu about dinner?

[Coffeecakefeetup]

This evening I was making something for dinner that 15 year old son doesn't like. We don't eat it very often and 9 times out of 10 dinner is something we will all eat, or I'll try to adapt a meal to suit, but not really possible with this.

I told ds earlier what we were having and he said he'd make himself something else, all fine.

We've got a fridge filled with cheese, eggs, ham, cooked chicken, salad, veg. There's pasta, beans, tins, jars, bread, noodles in the cupboards, the freezer is packed full of chips, fish fingers, garlic bread, waffles, potato wedges, frozen veg, burgers and much, much more.

Dh didn't realise that ds wasn't eating with us but is aware ds doesn't like the meal, so when he dished up he plated ds a tiny portion of the meal with loads of rice on the side.

Instead of either just eating the rice or making something else ds has sat at the table sulking. I actually didn't notice because I ate my meal and left, but afterwards realised ds was just sitting there with a face on him.

Aibu to think he should have just gone to make himself something to eat and I shouldn't need to pander to him?

Yanbu but maybe he wasn’t expecting to be given any of it as he doesn’t like it. All miscommunication

Surely just miscommunication all round? Your DH didn’t know, your DS didn’t realise that and you didn’t notice. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't understand, it doesn't sound like you are pandering to him? Just let him get on with sorting something else out, no big deal.

Your Ds had had fair warning to make something else if he wanted. As it’s a rare occurrence this seems perfectly reasonable.

This is an argument my vegetarian dd 14 has had with her dad (my exh) - that if he’s going to make something non vegetarian that can’t be adapted to suit everyone, he needs to give her fair warning. And obviously have things in that she can make for herself, not object to her being in the kitchen at the same time also cooking, etc.

You did that, so I can’t see how you’ve gone wrong.

(My ex obviously is a total arse not to give those very basic considerations to the fact his and my Dd is vegetarian but there we are)

Sorry I suppose what I should have asked was aibu to think 15 year ds can make himself a quick dinner if he doesn't like what I'm cooking.

Nope he's perfectly capable why did he sit sulking with a meal he hates?

No you're not and yes he can. I'm wondering why he still can't?

What would have happened to the food if it hadn't been dished up to him?

If your DH knows your DS doesn't like the meal then why did he bother putting it on a plate for him. DS then presumably felt like this was his only option. This is on your DH.

He did make something in the end but only after I noticed that he was sulking at the table.

Ds absolutely knew that he had the option of making something else and no one would have cared if he left the tiny portion of food dished up.

I’m not one for ‘pandering’ over meals but I would have also prepared food for DS at the same time as making the other meal if normally cooking the same meal for all of you at one time is your norm.

My DD hates Lasagne. If I’d made Lasagna tonight (we have it with salad), I would just have done her a salad with cold ham in it or some griddle halloumi for instance.

Our DS is same age and I'd expect him to a) say something and b) sort seething out for himself.

when we have fish or rice based dishes he won't eat the same. I used to make him something else but now he wanders through in joggers flings doors open, stares in the fridge for a while, moans we have no food and makes himself a pizza, a wrap or a pot noodle or some pierogi.

Sounds like my DGD when he was about 12/14 and used to stay (it was my DD fault, for years,he would only eat cereals and only particular ones. He complained there was no food. I had 2 freezers, fridge, and a walk in larder. Got fed up with making stuff he then didn't eat! I showed him the larder etc. He said "that's not food,that's only ingredients".

DGS, not daughter!

might depend on your family dynamic but I would personally be a little put out if everyone else had dinner made for them and I didn't. He is old enough to sort himself out but that only seems fair if it was an "everyone fend for yourselves tonight" not having a meal that excludes him due to preferences. You say there was plenty in - why not just take the 1 minute to shove the fish fingers and potato waffles on a baking sheet and into the oven for him?

Was he annoyed because he needed to make something for himself? Isn't it more likely that he was annoyed because it seemed like you had gone against what had been agreed, and he was given the food he didn't want anyway?

Depends - has he learned to prepare food for himself? Have your or anyone else taught him?

Of course YANBU.

What on earth is causing you to doubt yourself in this situation?

It would be ridiculous to entertain his sulking performance and entitled attitude. At best it is childish behaviour and if not addressed then he's not going to be very pleasant to be around.