Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not like the term 'on the spectrum' to mean autistic/has autism

243 replies

UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 16:20

It really bugs me! Lots of conditions have spectrums so you could be talking about anything. It's so imprecise.

Also, I think it perpetuates the myth that there is one spectrum and everyone is on it somewhere so everyone is autistic to a greater or lesser extent.

OP posts:
doadeer · 03/05/2023 21:32

Everytime I read someone say "my child is ASD" I think that sounds awful. My child is not a disorder even though he has high care needs.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:32

Qbish · 03/05/2023 20:54

No, if it was universal you wouldn't need to mention "the spectrum".

Nobody says "it's because he's human".

Show quote history

I'm not quite sure what you're getting at tbh. But there are many different spectrums. Not just one.

I'm not saying it's logical, I'm saying that's what people do and it annoys me. They refer to it as universal i.e 'everyone is on the spectrum somewhere'

OP posts:
ImInACage · 03/05/2023 21:32

I am autistic, just like I am short. I don't have shortness, just like I don't have autism. It's not an illness, it's just part of me. Maybe let those of us who are autistic decide, rather than being offended for us.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:34

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Yes, that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:38

OneFrenchEgg · 03/05/2023 20:58

Do you dislike the idea that autistic people have significantly contributed to progress?

What a bizarre and stupid question.

I don't think that's fair. The poster obviously struggled with that comment and that's how it made them feel. I can see where they are coming from. It was just a question.

OP posts:
AbsoIutelyLovely · 03/05/2023 21:39

UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 18:47

Yes, I see what you mean. Yes, my son has an EHCP. He's 16. He probably didn't show any signs of puberty til 14. Not sure if that has any link to autism, though!

Show quote history

Apparently it does, partly because emotionally they’re much younger - his paediatrician said to me if I treated him as 30% younger than his chronological age then he’d feel more understood and it did work forbid. Stopped the tantrums and the stimming to some degree.

but also apparently melatonin tablets causes children to delay their physical ageing.

he also has a shit immune system despite eating healthily and is always off sick….. I do wondering there’s a link to autism there too but nobody has ever confirmed it.

Cuckoosheep · 03/05/2023 21:41

UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 20:55

I complete respect your right to use the terminology that feels right for you and your son. I guess the thing is as much as you would like his autism curing like cancer, it isn't an illness so can't be cured. But acknowledge you feel you would like it to be cured.

I think the problem with 'high functioning' etc is it is too simplistic. But I totally get that there should be language that you can use to describe your son's condition. I believe we should be listening to voices like yours as carers of people who can't advocate for themselves, as well as from autistic people who can speak up for themselves. Thanks for sharing your view.

Show quote history

Thank you for saying that, it was completely the opposite of what I expected.

I try to always get my son and others like him included somewhere in the conversation as they seem to be missed, probably because they don't communicate well enough themselves to engage.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:41

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

That does sound so difficult. And I agree that the narrative of 'just experiencing things differently' must feel very dismissive of your son's and your experience.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:44

Qbish · 03/05/2023 20:59

Asperger's is no longer a diagnosis. You would be said to have ASD.

Show quote history

But this poster has explained why she uses Asperger's which makes a lot of sense. She would be diagnosed with ASD now but she can still choose to identify as Asperger's.

OP posts:
Cuckoosheep · 03/05/2023 21:45

ImInACage · 03/05/2023 21:32

I am autistic, just like I am short. I don't have shortness, just like I don't have autism. It's not an illness, it's just part of me. Maybe let those of us who are autistic decide, rather than being offended for us.

Unfortunately those like my son who are not able to communicate the language they want used then get missed as the more articulate and communicative then have ownership over the language.

Autism is a social communication disability by limiting language, labeling and definition to suit those most able a full group of people are then missed out and their needs and what they need that language to represent also gets missed.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:47

OneFrenchEgg · 03/05/2023 21:15

I don't like 'on the spectrum' because I only ever hear it said about someone whose behaviours or personality is being criticised. Like a reference to someone's colleague who annoys them followed by 'but bless him I think he's a bit on the spectrum.'

I know someone who everyone they disliked were 'a bit autistic'.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 03/05/2023 21:48

The whole language around Autism is difficult - do you 'have' it? I know people who dislike that. Are you a person with autism, or an autistic person. Are you on the spectrum? Arent we all? Disorder - is it a disorder, disability? I work with a lot of people who are autistic and we always start by talking about their preferred terms as it varies so much.

autienotnaughtym · 03/05/2023 21:49

I dislike it especially when the "were all on the spectrum " bollocks is trotted out

NewNovember · 03/05/2023 21:50

But it's just shorthand for autistic spectrum you are way over thinking this op,

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:51

doadeer · 03/05/2023 21:17

I think people think it's softer... That saying someone is autistic is somehow more blunt.

My son is autistic and I think people feel they need to lessen it by saying on the spectrum.

Also the idea the spectrum is a linear line from "not very autistic" to "very autistic" is a prevailing belief many have.

Just like "we are all a bit on the spectrum." Nope!

I'm sure many people do it with the best of intentions and maybe they feel it is a softer or nicer way to put it. I guess that feels a bit patronising, but I acknowledge many are just trying to be nice and terms within autism can be varied and controversial so I don't blame some people getting confused!

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 03/05/2023 21:54

I don't think that's fair. The poster obviously struggled with that comment and that's how it made them feel. I can see where they are coming from. It was just a question.
No it wasn't 'just a question' - you honestly think asking if someone objects to autistic people being credited with success is 'just a question'?
It was a rude and ridiculous response.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:54

doadeer · 03/05/2023 21:32

Everytime I read someone say "my child is ASD" I think that sounds awful. My child is not a disorder even though he has high care needs.

I think people just use it as shorthand for autistic. That's how I always read it in my head.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 21:57

ImInACage · 03/05/2023 21:32

I am autistic, just like I am short. I don't have shortness, just like I don't have autism. It's not an illness, it's just part of me. Maybe let those of us who are autistic decide, rather than being offended for us.

Was that aimed at me? I am autistic and I don't like being referred to as 'on the spectrum'. I'm perfectly entitled to that view whether you agree or not.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:03

AbsoIutelyLovely · 03/05/2023 21:39

Apparently it does, partly because emotionally they’re much younger - his paediatrician said to me if I treated him as 30% younger than his chronological age then he’d feel more understood and it did work forbid. Stopped the tantrums and the stimming to some degree.

but also apparently melatonin tablets causes children to delay their physical ageing.

he also has a shit immune system despite eating healthily and is always off sick….. I do wondering there’s a link to autism there too but nobody has ever confirmed it.

Show quote history

Ah, thank you for that. My son is on the emotionally younger side. He has never had melatonin, though.

Oh, I'm sorry he's off sick a lot. My daughter has Long Covid so I know the score. Not sure I've heard of a link there but there are so many links! Wishing him well.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:08

Cuckoosheep · 03/05/2023 21:41

Thank you for saying that, it was completely the opposite of what I expected.

I try to always get my son and others like him included somewhere in the conversation as they seem to be missed, probably because they don't communicate well enough themselves to engage.

Show quote history

Yes, it's so important as they matter just as much as those of us who can engage in these discussions ourselves. I have a little nephew with autism who is non-verbal and he has taught me a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:11

Cuckoosheep · 03/05/2023 21:45

Unfortunately those like my son who are not able to communicate the language they want used then get missed as the more articulate and communicative then have ownership over the language.

Autism is a social communication disability by limiting language, labeling and definition to suit those most able a full group of people are then missed out and their needs and what they need that language to represent also gets missed.

Show quote history

Completely agree. Everyone is important and everyone needs to be listened to and for some that is their parents/carers if they can't speak out themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:13

Atethehalloweenchocs · 03/05/2023 21:48

The whole language around Autism is difficult - do you 'have' it? I know people who dislike that. Are you a person with autism, or an autistic person. Are you on the spectrum? Arent we all? Disorder - is it a disorder, disability? I work with a lot of people who are autistic and we always start by talking about their preferred terms as it varies so much.

I think that's great. But, are we all 'on the spectrum' - no! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:13

autienotnaughtym · 03/05/2023 21:49

I dislike it especially when the "were all on the spectrum " bollocks is trotted out

Me too!

OP posts:
Cuckoosheep · 03/05/2023 22:17

Op, I've just raised this thread with my husband and he raised what I thought was an interesting point, I hope I manage to put it across well enough:-

With the diagnosis changing (widening to include a much broader range), people self diagnosing/ identifying and the growth of people getting a diagnosis maybe the push for acceptance or view of autism as a difference rather than disability makes it more socially acceptable to say especially when they don't know if that person does have a diagnosis and they're describing someone who is socially different/ has sen It wouldn't be as acceptable and definitely isn't as common for people to describe others in the same way for any other disability/ diagnosis.

I wonder if also because the diagnosis seems to be given to a multitude of presentations that saying "on the spectrum" especially about children is short hand for sen. With autism being more acceptable than other diagnoses because of number of stars/ famous people who are open about their dx and how it isn't always portrayed as disability. I do think it can be an excuse for behaviour which may not be directly linked to autism (may have another cause) but can be easier to say "on the spectrum" to convey that they have needs of some form.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 03/05/2023 22:18

NewNovember · 03/05/2023 21:50

But it's just shorthand for autistic spectrum you are way over thinking this op,

Well, I am autistic - what do you expect?! 😂

But, have you read the thread? I've not read anyone with autism or those caring for those with autism so far say they like it. Many find it dismissive or offensive even. Many of us dislike the link that is often made to 'we're all on the spectrum somewhere'!' So I do think it is a valid point.

OP posts: