Abusive teenager

[t00tsii]

I'm a single mom, my children and I have been through a lot as a family, of which I had mental health issues for much of my adult life, I have made bad decisions previously, but have worked hard over the past 10 years to create stability and a better life for us.

My youngest has ADHD and autism, and was very abusive when younger, this subsided around 3 years ago. I regularly had both my youngest children hitting me, smashing up my house. We had various services involved who I was very honest with, it has been very difficult and I dealt with this on my own much of the time.

I've been having major problems with my middle son now for around 6 years. He takes drugs, he has a serious weed problem. He gets into debt (I've previously paid off to keep him safe) he's been violent towards me, he's broken things in my house, the name calling was awful. I finally kicked him out last July, after he refused to pay his way and had another rant of verbal abuse. He literally upset the whole house everyday.

So he turned up on my doorstep a few weeks ago, no where to go after his toxic girlfriend has kicked him out and cause he's upset everyone in the family and all his friends, they won't have him. I agreed for him to come back, he had a job starting.
Since then I've had drug dealers threatening to put my windows through, ex girlfriend giving me abuse, accusing me of being a child abuser cause I did hit him back when he hit me (was honest about this to support workers) and locked him in his room to try and stop him hitting me, and me hitting him back; he hasn't been to his job for 2 days so he is going to get sacked and now he has gone back to abusive girlfriend.

I've totally had enough, my boyfriend has broken up with me for having him back, which is another toxic part of my life and now my son has upset my whole life and gone back to her anyway.
He aspires to nothing, he blames his childhood for all he is doing now, I'm constantly wracked with guilt and feel so torn all the time. I just want us all to be happy, and keep my younger son stable, but I'm still a mom to my other son too, he just has me over time and time again. He's there now, all his stuff is in my house, he will lose his job, she will kick him out again and he will be back here living off me cause he has no where else to go, I've spent days off trying to get him housed, he never follows it through. I'm worried to death if I cut him off, he will be the homeless heroine addict begging outside the supermarket, but he is ruining my life and sending me into depression. How do I stop this?

I think you do know what to do. You made a huge mistake letting your son move back in. You have to get him out ASAP, with the help of the police if necessary. You have thrown your family back into his world of drink, drugs, physical threats, criminality, thinking you owed him something. There is no way you can help your son until he has been out of his drug life, working, in his own flat etc. He has to do it for himself. You have put your family in danger and you have got to sort this out now.

People only do these things ...if they're let...now you say teenager which makes me assume he's between 13-19 because those are the years of a teenager right? So essentially he's a child who thinks he's an adult. Now you kinda missed a trick there ... You were right to let him into the house when he came back, but mistake number 1, was new rules and 3 strikes and you're out. I would have taken his phone off him for at least a week until he settles down and shows he's changed. You can't do much about the gf but I would have told him to forget about her for the moment and focus on yourself. Thirdly, a bit of cold turkey could have helped, I mean if he's not phone, he's not drug dealers to call and if he's no drug dealers to call, no drug dealers show up. I've been alive since 1988, I've never wanted to needed drugs nor has anyone in my family. To become "addicted" to drugs you have to take one first, so at some point he decided to take drugs ... That would have been the first thing I would have warned him about and if he was my SON... That would be the first place I would have sent him would be rehab and back to the house. I don't know what to tell you. If your son hits you, you're the adult, you tell him if he does that again A) he's grounded or out of the house and B) you'll call the police. No son should ever ever ever hit their parents. I couldn't live with myself if I got my parents. I once hit my skull off my Dad's chin as a child because I was being a spoilt brat and I'm still haunted by it about 29 years later!!! Kick him up the arse if he ever does that again.