To still feel hurt I have no pictures from my daughters birth

[Cluelessat33]

My daughter was born 5 years ago. And over those years I have seen so many loving and beautiful photos taken of women and their babies shortly after they gave birth.

I have nothing. And actually I have no pictures taken by anyone else of me and my daughter for the first few months. I have since separated with my ex, and asked him why he didn't take a picture of us at this time (I took many of him on the day and most other days with her) and he told me that he didn't think I'd want a picture as I looked awful.

It hurts, because I don't think I will ever have another child, and I have no momento of me and my daughter in the early hours and days of her life, so it's something which is unlikely to happen again.

Photos have always been important to me, and I really still feel sad about this. Aibu?

YANBU

It can be so easy to become the person who takes the photos rather than be in the photos yourself.

Then years later realise there are no photos of yourself. Your kids will really treasure photos of you from when you are younger.

Make sure you are having plenty of photos of yourself taken, no matter how bad you feel you may look.

Did you ask him or anyone else to take pictures for you?

I realised after the birth of my first there really wasnt many photos of myself from that time, so made a concerted effort to ensure there are a lot more photos of myself during the younger months of my next kid.

I hate having my photos taken, but realise how much of interest this is to my kids, but also myself as I've gotten older.

@GalileoHumpkins I asked him to take pictures when I was pregnant. He didn't and I have no pictures except selfies from my pregnancy. I took pictures of him and her in the minutes after she was born. He took a picture of her on my chest, but with my face cut out. I find it strange I'd actually need to ask.

It’s a regret you have but don’t let it cloud your future. I have 4 children and do not have any pictures of being pregnant or the birth. Just keep taking pictures of you and your daughter growing up. Trust me, your daughter will love looking at those when she is older and will identify with them more because she will recognise herself.

Yeah this would devastate me. My midwife took pictures for me. I really do treasure them. I'm sorry you don't have that

Well it’s shit but you can’t change it now

why don’t your focus on how you can change it for your daughter going forward?
I do a photo book for each year, at the end of every month I add my favourite photos from that month and upload them.

I also have a tripod for taking photos of use from a distance when I don’t have anyone else to ask. Yes I might look bonkers but it means I get lots of nice photos so I don’t care

Sorry didn’t mean to sound harsh in my responses

I completely get why you’d feel a pang when you think about it OP. Pictures can be such an emotive subject and, like you, I use them to pinpoint and remember events and small details that I’d otherwise forget.

Do you have any other mementos from that time - your/DD’s hospital band, cards, even leaflets and paperwork? Maybe you could make a little scrapbook or memory box celebrating that time in lieu of photos? You could also write a little diary of everything you remember, so you can preserve those memories and have something to share with DD about that time.

Keep taking photos - maybe invest in a little tripod and a Bluetooth remote so you can set it up and be able to take more casual type photos that aren’t selfies? They don’t have to be posed, you can set it up in the garden pointed at a picnic blanket, or in the living room pointed at where you’ve set up some colouring.

It's rubbish when no one thinks to take pictures of you. My husband is like this and I've said many times you never take any pictures of me with baby. The only way it happens is if I say to him take a picture of us now. That means no candid shots which is a shame but it's the only way I can get any photos. I'm sorry you don't have any of the early days.

Did any of your friends or family take photos? Maybe they have some they can share with you.

It is sad but just take loads of photos from now on, get other people to too. I agree with getting a tripod or a selfie stick to ensure you capture stuff, remember to video too it is a thing I love looking back on despite terrible quality as my youngest is almost an adult. We had big bulky camcorders back then.

I understand your regret but you have beautiful memories to draw on so take comfort in those.

While I have photos, they consist of me wrapped in a shock blanket underdoing a blood transfusion! I look horrendously unwell as I nearly died. In a way I wish I didn't have them. Ds won't ever see them due to the way he is.

Photos are great but aren't everything. You have your beautiful dd so you have lots of opportunities to take photos now you know how much they mean to you.

Remember in every photo youve taken of her where she's smiling at the camera that YOU made her smile.

Sorry op if this is harsh but if photographs are so important why didn't you take any?

Wow he sounds really toxic

It’s fair to feel disappointed but you can’t change that now. I’m not sure how dwelling on it will help. Just focus on your child now and be present with her

Well I can see why he's your ex!! What a horrible thing for him to say! OP - it is sad and a real missed opportunity. Allow yourself to be sad over this.
But it's done now so focus on having lots of happy times with your child (and taking lots of photos together!). I have a couple of post-birth photos and to be honest I never, EVER look at them.
Glad you've got rid of the horrible man.

I'm sorry OP, it's very upsetting to have nobody ever think to photograph you, and to have no photos of such an important event.

My DH never thinks to take photos with me in, always has to be prompted, and takes TERRIBLE photos when he does do it. The only two photographs of me from the day my son was born feature a bright purple bra right next to my head.

Not U at all. In fact I have the same story pretty much and it does hurt
From your username I'm guessing you're quite a bit younger than me so don't discount another baby with someone

I would be upset too. It's such a once in a lifetime moment. My husband rarely takes photos and I have to ask him to or there would be none if me with the kids but loads of him. He doesn't even like having his photo taken but I do! When I do all him he sometimes huffs and rushes it because he can't see the point but I do insist. It's not too much to ask.

Hmmm

I might need to buy a tripod

I understand completely OP.

I have no pictures of myself pregnant with my daughter. I think I didn't have any taken as subconsciously I expected to lose her (she has health problems).

Years later I regret it, but I can't change it, and I make sure I take lots now instead.

If you have a photo of you with baby without your head, you can ask a professional photographer to photoshop your head on? It's still you and then you have a nice image.