Post-baby married life - AIBU to expect some normality yet

[Wintermothering]

My DC is 4.5 months

Married life just hasn’t been the same since pregnancy. DH said the baby put him
off sex so we only had sex a couple of times in early pregnancy - I did tell him I missed it.

Birth was hard, and needed a fair amount of stitches and I was in quite a bit of pain for weeks after 😬 DH generally supportive and a good Dad. I’m EBF. Although my body has changed (mainly bigger boobs!) I don’t feel I look far off my pre-baby body now im back doing some sport

However, our sex life is non-existent, no mention of it at all. He mentioned to a friend in passing that he sees boobs differently now due to the BF. What was upsetting was I noticed on shared laptop internet history DH been on porn sites recently. It’s not helped my self-esteem. AIBU to feel upset about this? Is this normal post-baby life? Any tips to address this or should just watch and wait for longer?

I would talk to him! We talk about what we want, expectations, how things have changed etc really openly. It means if he has issues you can hopefully find a middle ground that could leave you both feeling better about it all. It’s still early days, but don’t let it fester as it could mean longer term issues for you both.

Definitely talk to him.

Some men develop psychological issues with having sex with the mother of their child.

This will be unpalatable, but it's about sex and - ideally - it can't be forced (I mean would you want him to have sex with you when he doesn't actually want to?)

Anyway: I'm a woman, and somewhat Bi (something something Kinsey scale, basically mostly attracted to men, sometimes to women).

I know that I would be - for lack of a nicer word - put off having sex with someone who was breastfeeding, I would not want to be near there.... Like hypothetically maybe if she kept her bra on, but even then it would be in my head..

Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear but it's not intentional, rather an unconscious thing.

It’s early days. DH got a bit put off by my squirting boobs when we had sex in those early months. It all took some adjustment. The first year was hard. I BF to 26 months though and it was all fine during that time.

Some women aren’t interested in sex for a long time post birth and no-one would pressure them to do it so shouldn’t be any different for men. He needs time to adjust too but you should be able to talk about it.

I think it’s too soon to worry about it but equally don’t let it fester.

Thank you
Guess just putting it off as I know it will feel an awkward conversation for us both. Hoping he’s just trying to be considerate after the painful birth/healing 🤞🏼

He needs to talk to you, you need to talk to him. I would be very upset to be dodged by my DH and then find out he was watching porn - especially with no previous open discussion about it.

@EsmeSusanOgg yes, I wasn’t particularly confident at initiating before DC, this has decreased my confidence. I’m worried he will think I was snooping the history, but I genuinely was just trying to find a link to a page I visited and he knows I use it most days.

It does not matter. You found something, it upset you. He clearly wasn't hiding it so do not feel guilty for spotting it. Do not allow yourself to be gaslit (even by yourself). Use it as a reason to start a conversation.