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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this phone screensaver weird?

34 replies

janeseymour78 · 02/05/2023 22:51

I'm an only child aged 30.

Last couple of times I've seen my dad I've noticed his phone background is of me...as a baby. I was a bit taken aback.

Previously he had a photo of me aged about 18 which was also annoying but I could live with it. Don't get me wrong...I was a very cute baby 🙂 but I feel odd every time I see it.

He joked years ago how much he missed me being a child. I think it's just because I am strong minded and answer back now, plus I spent more time with him then. I can't exactly tell him to remove it but I don't like it.

YABU - it's fine
YANBU - it's weird

OP posts:
lovemytribe · 02/05/2023 23:17

I think that's quite sweet, I wouldn't find that weird at all. My dads more likely to have a pic of the dog than me, I know where I sit in the pecking order!

Notimeforaname · 02/05/2023 23:18

A parent having a photo of their child as a screensaver? Its the most usual thing ever..

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 02/05/2023 23:19

Of course it's not weird. He's your dad FFS. Not like some random neighbour, or acquaintance of your family who has pics of you as a baby and a teen on his screensaver. What a weird thing to get upset about. Confused

Original poster
janeseymour78 · 02/05/2023 23:19

Oh dear I feel bad now @lovemytribe after seeing the polling!

It probably feels odd to me because he's made comments about missing the version of me as a child. I sort of feel he's stuck in the past rather than appreciating me as I am now sometimes.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 02/05/2023 23:20

Cant see anything remotely weird about it tbh. I think its sweet

jclm · 02/05/2023 23:20

Do you think it's weird because he is preferring a different version of you than what you are currently? Ask him for more details and see what he says x

NotCopingWell1 · 02/05/2023 23:26

Appreciating you as you are sounds like a bit of a weird way to describe things. It's very normal for parents to be like this. Your time with small children is so very special, hard to appreciate it as much as you should at the time because it's so full on. It's not weird that he says he misses you as a child.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 23:30

No one else will know it’s you, except possibly your Mum.

Devonshiregal · 02/05/2023 23:32

Do you have kids? Spend more time with your dad. Take lots of photos together. Try not to bite back as much - what’s your goal? Sometimes it’s better to just have a decent relationship than to try to change people.

(unless he’s actually an asshole in which case fair enough)

HeadbandOverMyEyes · 02/05/2023 23:34

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 23:30

No one else will know it’s you, except possibly your Mum.

Unless OP has children, almost everyone will assume the baby is OP. No man is going to have a picture of a baby as his phone backdrop unless it's his own child or grandchild. (Women probably wouldn't either, but would be less likely to risk other people making unwelcome inferences.)

LucilleIsThirsty · 02/05/2023 23:36

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 02/05/2023 23:30

No one else will know it’s you, except possibly your Mum.

I would have thought most people would assume though? Not many men have a photo of a random baby as their screensaver surely? 😂

FWIW I don't think it's weird at all OP, He's your Dad!

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/05/2023 00:00

I miss the baby time with my dd because it was just so magical. That doesn’t detract from who she is today. Your dad loves you very much by the sound of it.

tiredhadenough · 03/05/2023 00:05

I sometimes do that. I think it's sweet

ThingsthatgoBumpintheDay · 03/05/2023 00:39

janeseymour78 · 02/05/2023 23:19

Oh dear I feel bad now @lovemytribe after seeing the polling!

It probably feels odd to me because he's made comments about missing the version of me as a child. I sort of feel he's stuck in the past rather than appreciating me as I am now sometimes.

That’s just us parents, our babies don’t stay babies for long, which still feels weird for me to say because I’m still only young myself & I can’t believe my oldest is 11 soon & nearly taller than me! But I still see that newborn baby when I look at him.

To him that picture holds nostalgia probably. I think it’s endearing & I’m sure he is very proud of you as you are now too 😊

Divorcedalongtime · 03/05/2023 00:41

I miss my kids as babies / young children every day, I think it’s normal.

JMSA · 03/05/2023 00:42

janeseymour78 · 02/05/2023 23:19

Oh dear I feel bad now @lovemytribe after seeing the polling!

It probably feels odd to me because he's made comments about missing the version of me as a child. I sort of feel he's stuck in the past rather than appreciating me as I am now sometimes.

I was fully prepared to say YABU in the context of your OP. But reading this comment makes me understand your feelings so much better.

FictionalCharacter · 03/05/2023 02:12

I’m one of the few who voted yanbu, but probably because this touched a nerve.
You say your dad joked about missing you being a child. My late mother used to go on and on about how lovely it was when I was a baby, but was very critical of my adult life and made her disappointment in me very clear. She was extremely controlling and manipulative, could never handle anyone disagreeing with her however mildly, and I’m certain that she really did wish I could have stayed as a helpless baby who never disagreed with her or talked back. She really didn’t like me being an independent adult and was angry that I didn’t make some of the life choices that she wanted me to.
I can see this is a minority viewpoint and I understand that most parents “miss” their children’s childhood in a way. But I think there’s a difference between having a bit of nostalgia for the baby days and genuinely liking the child version of your offspring much more than the adult version. If you suspect that for your dad it’s the latter, I can understand your discomfort.
I wouldn’t have baby pictures as screensavers or profile pics on my phone because I know my kids would hate it!

JamSandle · 03/05/2023 04:19

Yabu. Very sweet!

Robyn847 · 03/05/2023 05:32

It's just a period of his life he enjoyed and fondly remembers. There's nothing to say he doesn't like you NOW, just in a different way. He's just remembering the good bits of that time - the cute little chatter, hugs from podgy little arms, proud crayon drawings, gummy smiles and fluffy hair after a bath.

Start phoning him wailing and screaming every 2 hours from 11pm to 6am. Go round and poo behind the couch. And soon enough he'll only remember the bad bits of you being small.

MrsMikeDrop · 03/05/2023 05:37

That time obviously holds speculation memories for him, I think it's very sweet

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/05/2023 05:44

I have childhood photos of my DSs in my locket. They were so cute and adorable. I love them to pieces as teens but they're not really as "cute" as they were at 5.

Bloopsie · 03/05/2023 05:57

You will get it when you have your children…

Sirius3030 · 03/05/2023 06:05

He is massively disrespecting you. Lots of red flags. Do you think he had paedo tendencies? Lots of men do. I would immediately go NC.

Lostmary · 03/05/2023 06:16

Sirius3030 · 03/05/2023 06:05

He is massively disrespecting you. Lots of red flags. Do you think he had paedo tendencies? Lots of men do. I would immediately go NC.

Can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or if you’re actually on crack.

ThePoshUns · 03/05/2023 06:32

My screensaver is my favourite photo of me with my sons from about 15 years ago. Is that weird? I don't think so. It makes me smile at the memories when I see it.