To ask if anyone else on here has avoidant personality disorder?

[ItsNotRightItsNot]

I've known there was something wrong me with, thought maybe it was autism or severe social anxiety, but it never fully resonated.

I recently came across avoidant personality disorder and I meet every single one of the traits. I have countless examples of behaviours that I know are illogical and maladaptive yet can't shake. Examples include I didn't get a job until I was 24 as despite being a graduate with a master's I felt like I had nothing to offer an employer, I felt beneath everything. I have a driving license and own my dream car and it sits on the driveway for months at a time as I'm scared of making a mistake when driving (even though I know I'm a safe, defensive and observant driver). I've not driven for 8 months because last time I drove I came off the roundabout slightly too fast than was ideal and my passenger told me to jokingly that I should slow down - I took that to mean I'm a dangerous driver. I genuinely think the very worst of myself, everything that I do well is 'luck' or a 'fluke'. Every compliment is a lie or because they feel sorry for me. It's so visible to others too; my performance review from my manager included that I needed to have more confidence - the same thing that my teachers always wrote in my school reports from the age of 3 years old onwards. I'm painfully shy, the kind that most people grow out of during childhood.

Does anyone else have this? The NHS doesn't even have a webpage dedicated to it so it seems it's not really widely known. Is there anything that can help? I've tried CBT in the past but my thoughts present themselves in every aspect of my life, it's like I need to change my entire worldview and view of myself rather than just a few thoughts here and there.

This is interesting OP, as I've only ever thought about avoidant personality types in the context of dating/relationships!
I don't know much about the label, but it sounds like you have huge confidence issues anyway

This sounds more like generalised anxiety and terribly low self esteem to me OP. You are avoiding life for a reason.

Please go and talk to your GP about getting some help. Self diagnoses isn’t the way to go here. Get some professional input, this is no way to live.

No it's not.

You don't understand us

It's possible to have more than the standard 6weeks of very basic CBT aimed at recognising and developing coping strategies for negative thought patterns. You can have CBT to dive into your core beliefs and pick the illogical ones apart and form new healthy ones. Then, combined with the basic negative-thought skills, you can change your life. This might be what you're looking for.

CBT is ongoing though, in the sense that you have to use the skills on yourself whenever you need to. It's basically teaching you how to help yourself so you can learn to do it without the therapist present. It's not something where you do the course and you're "cured".

IMO CBT can be good for people who are unwell in a more minor/simple way and may be all they need. For those with more complex problems, whilst CBT can be helpful, it's unlikely to "fix" everything and you could benefit from some other sort of therapy too.

She's discharged me as she's said it's not helpful and what I need help with is outside her skills set.

Also it was 12 weeks and she's discharged me half way through

A lot of "medical" people doing CBT might not actually have many medical qualifications or be trained at doing the deep dive stuff. You want a psychologist for that, I think. The NHS has a tendency to use CBT as a "quick fix".

Also the NHS has to spend it's resources in the most efficient manner. So if they think CBT isn't the most helpful thing then they'll refer you to something else. That doesn't necessarily mean CBT can't help you at all. It just means the NHS realise it isn't going to cure you because your problems are too complex, so they're not going to spend their budget on it.

If you personally were finding it helpful, you can always look for a private CBT therapist if you can afford that, so you can continue to learn the skills of it.

If you can still contact the person giving your CBT, you could ask these questions to help you decide whether it's worth paying privately for the therapy.

What are her qualifications and training in CBT?
Was she planning originally on doing CBT working on your core beliefs as part of the 12 week course?
Is core beliefs CBT work beyond her skillset?
These questions will help you decide if someone with more qualifications or training might be able to help you more than her.

Does she think CBT was, or would have, caused you harm if you'd continued with it?
This should ascertain if she had health reasons for why you should stop the course.

You should probably explain first why you're asking, otherwise she might think you're wanting to raise a complaint about her work.

OP you should look into Schema Therapy. I’m finding it very helpful. CBT did nothing for me.

I thought I may have it but just try to not to think about it.