Am I being over sensitive?

[H2023]

Our company is undergoing restructure (merging into a parent company)they are becoming more corporate, which in some ways is needed. All line managers and employees are being asked to fill in their competencies and goals etc and come up with a personal development plan, believe or not this is a new thing for us, we haven’t even had regular appraisals in the past. I’ve just come back from Mat leave and currently working part time for a bit until I go back full time, I haven’t actually been off that long, around 3 months. Anyway my manager invited me to our 121 for a couple weeks time and explains what it is and is for etc which I understand. But he said something along the lines of “oh it’s just to see what you want to do and what your plans are, are you going to go and have more babies, it doesn’t make any difference but you may be thinking of having them close together and then come back and run the company (which I’m obviously not going to do)” it was in jest (I think) and lighthearted but if it doesn’t matter either way then why is it even a question. I understand certain things are good to know for forward planning for the business and they want to know if we’re committed (which I am) but just makes me very nervous and feel like it’s an unnecessary question - it’s not something I would think of asking anyone under my line management but maybe that’s an oversight by me. My career is important to me and this is one of the reasons that made me hesitate in starting a family to begin with but I thought as a company they’d moved past this kind of attitude.

Am I being too sensitive? Side note, another reason I’m feeling nervous or it may be a sore point for me is because it wasn’t long before going on leave that I started the role, and with the changes I’m not sure if the same role is going to exist how it is now going forward, which is also fine as I’m open to change. Sorry for the ramble my mind is a muddle! Thanks for reading

Nope not on and I think not legal? Someone else might be able to clarify. You should not have been asked this.

Is there an HR department?

It sort of depends on your relationship with your manager; my manager would only say this as a joke and I know that. If you're in any doubt, and generally you get on well, then I would email him and say - you made a comment about this, now I am worried that you plan to manage me out because you think I might get pregnant, why did you make this comment.

If I didn't get on well with him then I'd either email him and say he'll be hearing from HR about his discriminatory comments, or just go to HR. He needs to understand that it's not acceptable and why, and why it's not just bants...

You can always talk this through with someone at ACAS https://www.acas.org.uk/contact
Are you in a union?

It’s completely inappropriate to ask about your family plans in context of a performance review. I would agree either mention to him you found it inappropriate, or get advice from your HR dept or ACAS

I get managers would like to know this, but it’s def borderline poss actually illegal to ask. and certainly illegal for there to be any consequences in terms of promotion or career progression based on your answer.

The man is a twat - even if it's what he thinks, as a manager, he just shouldn't be saying that kind of stuff to a colleague - Ever, let alone in a formal appraisal/objective setting meeting.
He is going to need to get with the more corporate culture - maybe the organisation has some management and/or equality training planned.

In a larger organisation, I'd definitely be looking straight to HR - given what you've said about moving from an informal to corporate culture, my actions might depend on how well I knew/got on with him.
If very well, and I felt comfortable with how he would take the feedback, I would tell him that I'd found his remarks offensive and unprofessional - and expect an apology, but most likely I'd be having a conversation with HR (backed up in an email to HR summarising the conversation if HR failed to confirm the report in writing or take action).

It sounds like a shit attempt at a joke. He must know it's not legal to ask.

Thank you so much for all for your comments. We do have an HR dept and generally I have a pretty good relationship with my manager, he is renown for making stupid/insensitive comments so I know this isn’t personal to me. I think I’m going to wait and see if he actually does bring this up in the meeting/review and then I can reassess what to do afterwards in terms of getting advice from Acas and reporting to HR. The more I think about it though the more it pisses me off, thank you!