Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they're being pathetic..?

25 replies

potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 13:09

I've been friends with a few girls for about 5 years now. 2 of them seem to always bitch about one another but lately I think I'm the subject.

We had a couples meal, one cooked the started, the other main and I was chosen to bring desert. I cannot bake.. it's laughable. I have children and work. So I picked up a Daim cheesecake.. delicious I thought? The girl who's house it was said I was unthoughtful as her husband is allergic to nuts.. how was I to know! And I put no effort in by baking etc.

We're then going on a hen do. I said I'd made my own way there. I'm at work the next day so DH is picking me up. The other girl insisted I went in the car with them. It's about a 45 min journey.. she has a car full. Bear in mind I'm only going one way with her. She asks me for £10 petrol! I said ok but I didn't have the cash.. would get it out or transfer. The next day she messages asking for the cash.. I was out so didn't pick up immediately then see she's put a status on Facebook how it's "funny people ignore you when they owe you something" I commented saying if this is referring to me, I have sent the money to you already.

We're in our late 20s we're not children.. is this me being a terrible friend or is this petty?

OP posts:
MrBit · 02/05/2023 13:12

Find new friends, I couldn't be arsed with the drama

Bandanadrama · 02/05/2023 13:13

And you are friends with these people because? They are not friends.

icelollycraving · 02/05/2023 13:13

Find new friends, they are knobs.

youngestisapsycho · 02/05/2023 13:14

They're not your friends... life is too short for all that shit.

Original poster
potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 13:18

I felt awful about the daim cheesecake but how was I to know he was allergic? It wasn't cheap either it was about £5. And I felt ripped off she wanted £10 off 4 people for a 45 min journey especially when I was going one way but just paid it anyway.

I feel like I can't do right from wrong with them. I'm sure I'm not perfect.. my time keeping is terrible and I maybe do cancel a lot but I've got different priorities now?

OP posts:
Wailywailywaily · 02/05/2023 13:25

Ok, so if you think £5 for a desert for 6 people is not cheap then I guess £10 for travel is going to feel like a lot. This isn’t a dig I’m just trying to get perspective.
your friendship group is suffering from serious communication problems- you could have asked about allergies, she could have explained before the journey that she wanted £10 for fuel and that she needed asap for bla bla bla. Using social media to passively aggressively communicate is also a symptom of communication issues.
personally I would find different friends but if you want to stick with this bunch you need to communicate. All of you.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/05/2023 13:39

I feel like I can't do right from wrong with them. I'm sure I'm not perfect.. my time keeping is terrible and I maybe do cancel a lot but I've got different priorities now?

Before reading this I was about to say they don’t sound like good friends. But you don’t seem to be a very good friend either. Thinking your time is more important than those who have to constantly wait around for you when you’re late, and cancelling plans that others will have been looking forward to and may well have turned down other plans for, is rude and selfish. If your priorities are different, don’t make plans in the first place.

It sounds like the friendships have run their course, likely in part due to your friends’ frustration over the above, which has made them less accepting of other things you do which they might otherwise be willing to let slide, like making no effort with a dessert and being slow to pay your contribution.

Skybluepinky · 02/05/2023 13:44

Sounds like u have out grown this friendship circle.

ISpyNoPlumPie · 02/05/2023 13:47

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/05/2023 13:39

I feel like I can't do right from wrong with them. I'm sure I'm not perfect.. my time keeping is terrible and I maybe do cancel a lot but I've got different priorities now?

Before reading this I was about to say they don’t sound like good friends. But you don’t seem to be a very good friend either. Thinking your time is more important than those who have to constantly wait around for you when you’re late, and cancelling plans that others will have been looking forward to and may well have turned down other plans for, is rude and selfish. If your priorities are different, don’t make plans in the first place.

It sounds like the friendships have run their course, likely in part due to your friends’ frustration over the above, which has made them less accepting of other things you do which they might otherwise be willing to let slide, like making no effort with a dessert and being slow to pay your contribution.

Agree with all of this. Move on. If you want better friends, be a better friend.

Chronicallyknackered · 02/05/2023 13:50

As someone who is regularly the cook, £5 cheesecake is a joke for 6 people. Made a cheese platter the other night for friends (6 people) as nibbles and cost £50 in ingredients. If someone is cooking a main it takes time and effort , and again easily £30 finally for dinner party. It takes the mick when someone rocks up having made no effort, time or financial. I am similar age to you, so do appreciate people at different stages in life.

With the lifts, put your foot down next time and drive yourself. Your not a bad friend for not wanting to travel with them.

Original poster
potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 13:56

I bought 2 of the cheesecakes. I cannot bake to save my absolute life.. I can barely make the little box buns my 5 year old likes correctly! They know this, it's no secret. I work 9am-7pm 3/4 days a week and then I have to children the youngest being 6 months, I'm not messing about attempting to bake to impress them. I would've rather got a Chinese and everyone paid for their own meal then mess around with the pretentious "let do a couple meal"

I think it probably is just a case of we've different people, and I don't like how they bad mouth each other to me all the time either.

OP posts:
Original poster
potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 13:58

I have Crohn's disease and what she cooked was quite spicy, when I can't tolerate anything more than a korma but I didn't say anything to be polite. I don't know Sad

OP posts:
ISpyNoPlumPie · 02/05/2023 14:07

potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 13:58

I have Crohn's disease and what she cooked was quite spicy, when I can't tolerate anything more than a korma but I didn't say anything to be polite. I don't know Sad

You know, you can tell your friends these things ahead of time and they will likely be happy to accommodate or you can offer to bring an alternative.

Regarding the dessert, you don't need to bake BUT you could have asked about allergies/dietary requirements. I would have also brought another option in case someone didn't like what I'd picked. I would have understood more if you didn't have children - now I have kids catering for allergies is a really big deal!

sapphiredrago · 02/05/2023 14:08

I mean it sounds like you are just all not very well matched as friends?

They want to do a baking/ cooking night that takes a load of effort, but you don't enjoy that and want to get a takeaway.

You have completely different desires for your evenings with friends.

There's also obviously communication breakdowns going on here in multiple different ways.

It seems like you need some friends who are more similar to you.

Strugglingtodomybest · 02/05/2023 14:09

Please don't worry about the not baking thing. Taking shop bought is absolutely fine, unless you're in one of those competitive type friendship groups.

Seas164 · 02/05/2023 14:14

This isn't friendship. Move on.

WhineWhineWhineWINE · 02/05/2023 14:33

"I would've rather got a Chinese and everyone paid for their own meal then mess around with the pretentious "let do a couple meal""

Your use of the word "pretentious" is another indication to me that you're all not really compatible or on the same page regarding your friendship. If it's a lot of effort, it's probably not worth it? Find some more like minded friends.

YouAreNotBatman · 02/05/2023 14:39

The way you wrote makes it clear you think you are/were in the right, so why bother coming here with it?

Also, why do parents always have to bring up the fact they are parents into everything?
Does being a mom give you pass to make something for dinner with friends?

Anyway, it’s clear you don’t like them and think you’re better than them, so set them free - I’m sure they will be much happier that way.

Original poster
potwashqueen · 02/05/2023 16:57

@sapphiredrago I think you've hit the nail on the head there

OP posts:
Annoyingwurringnoise · 02/05/2023 16:59

unless you’re 14 you’d probably do better being friends with women rather than girls.

NeatCompactSleeper · 02/05/2023 17:09

It was a couples meal, you can't bake and you didn't have the time anyway.

Why didn't your husband do it, or did he not have the time either?

Divorcedalongtime · 02/05/2023 17:14

People who wise up and fall badly about other people behind their backs also do it to you, that’s a given. Friends like that are not worth having

Divorcedalongtime · 02/05/2023 17:20

Divorcedalongtime · 02/05/2023 17:14

People who wise up and fall badly about other people behind their backs also do it to you, that’s a given. Friends like that are not worth having

Talk badly about * lol

Catsmere · 03/05/2023 03:49

Annoyingwurringnoise · 02/05/2023 16:59

unless you’re 14 you’d probably do better being friends with women rather than girls.

Bingo!

Aslanplustwo · 03/05/2023 04:41

They are being pathetic. I really don't understand why people continue to be friends with people who behave like this. It would be the last time either of them heard from/saw me again. Find some new friends.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page