To treat DP the same way as he treats me.

[redheadcurl]

Maybe I ABU as I have a lot of problems going on at the minute so maybe just feeling sorry for myself. Was my birthday 4 months ago and DP didn't even get me a £1 bar of chocolate. Last year I took him away for a long weekend. I always buy him gifts from DC which he has never done for me.
So the AIBU is. It's his birthday next month and I feel like ignoring the fact. Childish behaviour but he has really upset me.

Make him an ex and have a wonderful life without his selfish arse in it

I’d get him a card from the DC and that would be it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not if you’re doing it to be spiteful as that’s not the way to a happy relationship.

But matching the way he treats you is reasonable, if he genuinely think is it is acceptable then he won’t mind at all.

If he has the audacity to be pissed you didn’t do anything for his birthday when he did nothing for yours then you’ve got bigger problems.

I'd get him a small token gift, otherwise this is a never ending shit cycle

I wouldn't be doing it to get back at him. If this is the way he would rather be then that's fine just wondering if it sounds silly me not bothering as much with his.

DH has always been terrible with birthdays, so I just lowered my expectations and took control of my own birthdays - I had a lovely day out just me and the dogs last year. And whilst not doing so out of spite or revenge per se, I now make a small gesture for his birthday rather than a lavish one like a weekend away or family party. He gets a card and usually a gift voucher for the golf pro shop where he is a member so he can use on a lesson or more crap for the garage!

I think it's fair that you get what you give in a relationship. He makes little effort, he gets the same back.

I think it's fine. If he's not doing anything for you then he's giving you the signal that he wants nothing done for him either.

He's set the bar. Just get him a nice card from the kids I would. I don't think I could ignore it completely.

It will grate on you if he accepts an effort for his with no shame. Don't put yourself through it or it'll leave you resentful.

I think @SomePosters hit the nail on the head. How does he treat you the rest of the year? If it with this level of disrespect then yes you have a much bigger problem than him basically ignoring your birthday.
He sounds like a taker.

I couldn't stay with someone who thought so little of me.

It's one day a year, not something that sneaks up without warning, and he couldn't even be arsed to consider you at all.

I'm sure there will be those who will make all sorts of excuses for it but this man is supposed to love and care for you yet didn't give you a second thought on your birthday.
With online shopping now, there's no bloody excuse at all.

I think this will impact your relationship. You’re going to intentionally change your behaviour to be unkind. I am not sure how that would help your situation? Would you have really been happy with a £1 chocolate? Don’t say that to him if you wouldn’t be!

I understand your frustration, perhaps put in a little less effort but don’t blank his birthday, can you communicate with him that you’re hurt? Even if he doesn’t get you a card, can you request that he gets you one from the children?

My DH is also terrible at gifts, he’d give me his last rolo and buy me £1000 shoes on a Monday afternoon for no reason but for my birthday I was lucky with my supermarket flowers and a card.
I addressed this many years ago, now for each of our birthdays we go away. I book and organise both because I am the organiser in the relationship anyway 🤪 It’s ace because when for example I booked Milan and San Siro as one of those boyhood dreams for him, I made sure that I booked it the weekend of the book festival for me 🙊

He's set the bar with expectations, don't make a big fuss of his birthday, he clearly isn't interested in them.

The best thing you could do is finish with him, so you have not got to ask yourself questions like this