Mothers expectations

6 replies

ChickenRacer · 01/05/2023 22:38

Firstly the main issue I’m asking about is regarding my mothers attitude towards me rather than the actual practicalities. I am continually triggered by my mother, so I’m trying to work out if I’m just annoyed because it’s her or if this is really a bit thoughtless by my mothers.

She doesn’t live near me and so she’s emailed me to say she’s bought my dc a helium balloon for their birthday (very kind). But she wants to post it to me and then l have to go into town to get it blown-up. I have three children aged 5, 3 and a baby so am quite busy and honestly it’s hard work dragging three small children around town. I do appreciate she’s trying to do something nice for her grandchild. But I rarely go into town and I kind of think it should be common knowledge that someone with young kids isn’t really going to want to have to faff about sorting a balloon out.

AIBU to be annoyed she’s not even thought about how actually this is an inconvenience for me? It feels like she has no consideration for me (possibly where my trigger comes from as I feel like she never really respects/ cares about me)

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 01/05/2023 22:43

It isn't a present if it causes work for someone else. Don't be guilt tripped, just say that you won't be able to get it inflated. Won't she be visiting on or around the birthday anyway?

Putyourdamnshoeson · 01/05/2023 22:47

Buckle in. Mine lives a short plane ride away. I've gone from exactly the scenario you describe to 'think of a list of things for Christmas/birthday, we will choose one, but only several weeks later, so you have to think of something else for other relatives asking, then ask you to order it, we will pay you back, it will be delivered to your door, for you to be in/collect from sorting office, then wrap and label'.
We both work full time. We both struggle for dcs birthday ideas as they are 11 and 13. 13 DD is actually easy enough, but my parents don't like the ideas I give them 🙄 ie they seem too grown up (an eyeshadow palette, a particular pair of jeans etc) and not bookish enough. DD is very academic and I know exactly what books she likes, when I did go through the facade of getting her a book 'from' my pare.ts, she knew right away I'd chosen it.
It's quite tiring.

xyzandabc · 01/05/2023 22:48

That is a pita non present. Nice idea but she's not putting the leg work in to make it happen. She's done the easy bit, now expects you to do the hard bit but she can take the credit for it.

For what it's worth, the 2 shops that do helium balloons near me refuse to fill balloons that haven't been purchased from them. So it would be a great shame if it was the same in your area.............

Just tell her it's not possible for you to do it.

AssertiveGertrude · 01/05/2023 22:50

Ughhh I can empathise
I would let on it didn’t arrive or it couldn’t be blown up as it wasn’t bought in the shop

Original poster

ChickenRacer · 01/05/2023 22:53

I do struggle to say no to her, as end up feeling guilty as she’ll get all upset and she can’t accept it when I try to establish any boundaries. In the last few years I’ve just mainly stepped away from her quite a lot, to protect my own mental health. So, she doesn’t visit often, and we aren’t very close, but yes she’s hoping to come soon. But she doesn’t drive so would be on train so doubt she’d want to sort getting it filled!

OP posts:

Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 22:57

What a stupid thing for her to have bought. Yanbu to be irritated by this.

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