Was I mean?

[nokjjb]

I work in a team of 12 women, I’m close with three of them and would consider them genuine friends. We went out for drinks yesterday and one posted it on her Instagram story and now we’ve woken up to one colleague who hadn’t been invited clearly having a dig at us.

Tbh I just can’t be arsed with the drama of it. It was organised ages ago, we did a brunch that needed to be paid in full a week before. I’m personally not trying to find a date that works for everyone (because you’d never find one) and chasing up people paying me by x date so I can book it OR the other option was f paying out my own pocket and getting them to pay me back.

This person that moaned about not being invited I did invite her a different time, paid for her after they demanded certain seats and told me who I else needed to invite, didn’t like the place we decided to eat at before and hinted at us changing it. For me to ask her three times to pay me back which she did begrudgingly.

Sorry but I’m done with accommodating people, I’d never do a full group thing and leave out one person but also if I want to go out with my friends then I will.

I'm on the fence. It's tactless to post it on Instagram if you've not been inclusive.

Possibly, but you obviously don’t care anyway

No, you weren't mean. 4 out of 12 going out is fine, if it was more than half then you should invite everyone.

Sounds like she was after free drinks. Is she usually a scrounger?

Four out of 12 of you going out isn't a work event, it's friends going out. It doesn't need to be inclusive. Your colleague has no right to expect to be included. It would be different if you'd invited everyone except her.

Why should she care about a flakey non-payer?

Exactly. So why are you asking?

The tone of your post reads like you don't like this person

I think the error was posting it on Instagram. Lesson learned.

I don’t get your AIBU. You say you can’t be arsed with the drama so why are you dwelling on it?

Not really because there’s nothing to hide.

No. You’re all adults. You can choose who you socialise with. And whether to post on social media. I agree with the numbers thing too - if 8 or 10 of the 12 had gone out then it’s a bit mean to exclude one or two. But 3/4/5 mates out of a larger group of colleagues is totally fine. Breeze past it op.

You’re making out that you don’t care but I think you do and it’s upsetting you

I’m not upset, I’m just bewildered by it because it feels like being back at school. I never had this issue in my last team, people went out as threes, fours, twos all the time and no one cared.

If you hadn't posted it, you wouldn't have the hassle.

Sometimes you have to choose whether you want to be right, or be happy.

Next time, just fly under the radar.

I used to like her but I soon realised that when we’d grab a coffee together at work it was her talking AT me every time. I’d say one thing and instantly get interrupted, when I’d sat there and listened to her for a good 10 minutes. I felt like saying go talk to the wall because you don’t want a conversation.

So no I choose to not socialise with her outside of work. Unless it’s a huge group thing. I think im just finally entering my selfish phase of not people pleasing.

I didn’t post it though, my friend did and I can’t and won’t police what they choose to put on social media.

Plus I think hiding something for it to come out later is worse. I just saw it as four friends out having fun.

I think im just finally entering my selfish phase of not people pleasing.

Congratulations, genuinely. Life is much easier when this happens. Hope you had a nice brunch and her behaviour is a reminder you were right not to include her this time, or ever again.

That's up to you, of course.

I'm all for an easy life, I CBA to argue with colleagues so would just avoid it happening again.

I wouldn't 'police' what someone posts, but I would suggest it was worth avoiding the drama.

Nah you're fine, some people are friends, some are colleagues. She just found out she is a colleague.

Urg how tedious, why are people so sensitive and self important that they are offended by a group of people they know going out and not including them? It's not like its a p1 party at soft play they've been left out of.