Upset about partner view on marriage

[Liewe]

I had been married for 30 years. I had married at 23 and I am now 53. It took all my inner strength to end my abusive marriage with the help of counseling and my GP.
I met my present partner 5 months ago. He is gorgeous, manly and most importantly kind and considerate to me. He told me he loved me after 3 months and soon after I said the same. I am hopelessly in love with him and I still cannot believe that we have come into each others lives.
Two weeks ago in bed I asked him if he would like to marry me. He answered that he did not know as we have only been together 5 months. My sadness is that we are both 53, he says he adores me and that I am beautiful and kindhearted.
He has only been in longterm relationships and never married. He phones and texts me often and that is why I was taken aback. Even with my bad marriage it is important to me.
I know I am being unreasonable but I just cant help how I feel

OP< this is a rebound relationship and he would be mad to treat it as anything else for at least another few years.

It sounds like you’re lovebombing him. You need to step back, and tbh if I were him I would call it quits for now and maybe revisit a relationship in a couple of years time.

You have literally jumped from one relationship to another. You’re not even ready for a relationship yet let alone another marriage.

From his POV, you are a red flag.

Slow down. It takes at least four years to recover from an amicable dissolution. Add at least two years for one that includes trauma (abuse).

I agree with that.

Op, you have been married and it was a long marriage. I don't understand why doing it again is so important to you. You can keep your independence and enjoy your relationship for what it is. Who knows what will happen in the future? It is still early days. Enough that you are having a lovely time with each other.

Does he know how you feel about this?

i don’t want to worry you but if he does then it could be very damaging for your relationship. If I was him I’d be concerned about you and your ability to make rational decisions. There is no way at 53 you should be proposing to a guy you’ve known five months, and likely your first relationship very soon after your long marriage ended.

it smacks of desperation. Desperation to be married and settled. Was there no part of you thought proposing would be inappropriate and that your behaviour now is not healthy or ok before you did it?

Please just chill. Marriage is not the be all to life. Just let yourself be your own person. Life can be fun on your own, I promise xx

What everyone else has said. Appreciate it for what it is and relax a little.

What’s the thing about him being manly? What do you mean by it and how’s it related to how you both feel about marriage? It sounds a bit odd.

5 months into a relationship is too early to commit to spending the rest of your lives together. Why not give it a bit longer and see what happens?

If he posted this on here from his POV, he’d be told (rightly) to run for the hills.

Do you have children OP? If so and you have any assets you would wish to pass on please slow down and think long and hard before considering marriage to this, or any man, regardless of how manly and lovely he may be.

It sounds like you haven't processed the ending of your marriage and are looking for another marriage to fill the gap, rather than going through the grieving and healing process (which takes around 2-4years). If I were him, I'd be offended.

Op . For many people in their 50 and 60s marriage is a very poor financial decision as it means their assets could be split to adult step children etc . Many many people simply choose not to bother at this stage in their lives and he may be one of them. If he was my brother telling me that his new partner was pushing for marriage after 5 months I'd advise him to run very fast and very far away .
He may never change his mind about marriage and you need to decide if it's a deal breaker for you .