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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I change my child’s surname?

21 replies

Distantoverhead · 01/05/2023 18:25

Stupidly, I have my DC their fathers surname. I wish I hadn’t and at the time I knew I didn’t want to but felt morally obliged to. We’re not a couple anymore and I have DC all the time except for one day a week-no overnights. DC is one
Dad is named on the birth certificate.
would I have to get him to agree to changing the last name? There’s no way he will agree

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 01/05/2023 18:26

Yes he needs to agree as he's on the birth certificate

WheelsUp · 01/05/2023 18:27

The children won't need his permission once they are 16.

Weedoormatnomore · 01/05/2023 18:48

Sorry yes you need his permission. 😅 he might agree if you stop any maintenance. My db adopted his dsd and changed her name after his wife asked her ex to change dsd surname.

funinthesun19 · 01/05/2023 18:56

Yes you’ll need his permission. I’m in the same boat as you OP. I bitterly regret it and I kick myself for buying in to the whole, “Dad’s surname” thing. They are born with the mother’s surname and I wish I’d have kept it at that.

ThanksItHasPockets · 01/05/2023 19:00

Might he agree to adding your surname to create a double-barrelled name?

georgetheblob · 01/05/2023 19:04

The only thing you can do is take to it court for a specific issue order.

Original poster
Distantoverhead · 01/05/2023 19:10

What possible reason would I give to a court for wanting to change the surname?

OP posts:
georgetheblob · 01/05/2023 19:19

Well, therein lies the problem. And it's no easy task getting a surname change, as my solicitor pointed out, they even like rapists and murderers to keep the 'family' link with their children 🙄

However, that is really your only option unless you can persuade him to give permission.

georgetheblob · 01/05/2023 19:20

As pp said, probably your best bet to is to get him to agree to a double barrel.

WestOfWestminster · 01/05/2023 19:21

I'd add it in as a double barrelled name then slowly phase out the old one.

Don't ask for permission to drop his name, just to add the extra one.

depre · 01/05/2023 19:23

Distantoverhead · 01/05/2023 19:10

What possible reason would I give to a court for wanting to change the surname?

What is your reason? That's all you can say

lunar1 · 01/05/2023 19:27

I really believe that once you've named your children, it should remain until they can change it themselves if they want to.

Life admin is complicated enough without having to tick the 'have you ever been known by another name' box.

It's their name now, not his.

swanling · 01/05/2023 19:30

I can't see any reason why a court would grant that based on the scenario you've described.

Reugny · 01/05/2023 19:33

lunar1 · 01/05/2023 19:27

I really believe that once you've named your children, it should remain until they can change it themselves if they want to.

Life admin is complicated enough without having to tick the 'have you ever been known by another name' box.

It's their name now, not his.

This.

I haven't changed my name but don't use all my birth names and it caused a pitta with the passport office while getting my DD a passport.

My DP and some others changed their names by deed poll when they were old enough - this includes those who took on a step-fathers name - and always have to prove they changed their names legally.

Createausername1970 · 01/05/2023 19:36

How old is the child? If they are old enough to understand, then they should have a say too.
Changing their name without their agreement could cause hassle.

If they don't want the father's surname then I think they could informally use your surname going forward as a "known as" surname, but their official surname stays the same until they are old enough to do something themselves. Is that an option?

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 19:42

Createausername1970 · 01/05/2023 19:36

How old is the child? If they are old enough to understand, then they should have a say too.
Changing their name without their agreement could cause hassle.

If they don't want the father's surname then I think they could informally use your surname going forward as a "known as" surname, but their official surname stays the same until they are old enough to do something themselves. Is that an option?

She said the child is 1

rainraingoawaay · 01/05/2023 19:50

lunar1 · 01/05/2023 19:27

I really believe that once you've named your children, it should remain until they can change it themselves if they want to.

Life admin is complicated enough without having to tick the 'have you ever been known by another name' box.

It's their name now, not his.

Double this!

My mum changed my surname in a similar situation - I've had to provide court documents for my whole adult life every time I need to apply for something, as I've had previous names. DBS checks, bank accounts, work security checks, mortgages, passports etc.

Absolute pain in the arse tbh, especially as it's a single sheet of paper and I've needed to keep the original for 28 years as proof.

Lovingitallnow · 01/05/2023 19:52

Is changing your name by marriage different? People always seem to say it's a huge PITA, but so many people change their name on marriage and never mention it.

Createausername1970 · 01/05/2023 19:54

Ah, sorry, missed that - watching EastEnders,posting on here and cooking dinner. My multi-tasking skills have failed me 🤣.

But, a "known as" surname might still work. We did that when we adopted DS. Until the adoption was confirmed in Court (about 9 months after placement) his official surname was his birth surname and he was enrolled at nursery, doctors etc. under his birth name, but we requested that he be known by our surname. The nursery (part of a school, so used LA schools software) had an option to record both official surnames and "known by" surnames.

lunar1 · 01/05/2023 20:15

Changing you name when you marry is a choice made by adults who understand the ramifications.

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