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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

riding scooter without helmet

21 replies

frustratedandfedupoftrying · 01/05/2023 18:03

DC is 4. We live a distance from ex husband. Divorced when DC was a baby after DH found someone else more fun to be with while I was pregnant and after. He displayed awful behavior after our split including telling me every time he saw me he wanted to smash me in the face.
It's always been a difficult relationship since the split but I have always encouraged the relationship between DC and the ex, despite him showing lack.of interest and effort consistently and not sticking to the court order re number of visits etc. Rarely facetimes/calls. This has been going on for some time (years). He's now decided he wants to see DC every 8 weeks but for bit longer which I'm trying to accommodate but means i do a really long journey one way instead if a halfway drop. I recently found out he let's DC ride a scooter without a helmet. I have asked him to use one and that I would even send the one up I have here each visit. His reply was that doesn't want it, he won't be getting him one and he shouldn't be protected from everything in life, he feels he should be exposed to danger from a development point of view and that as a father that's his job as mother's don't really do that. It was the same with ear defenders with the fireworks....I was inducing anxiety. DC's friends have had some nasty head bumps from falling from scooters, saved by their helmets. I can't understand why you'd even take a chance on it. I feel.the only way is to go back to court and I don't even know if that's something they would look at.
Be interested in your thoughts please

OP posts:
ThisSingleMama · 01/05/2023 18:08

Nope. Mine never wore them

And ear defenders for fireworks? Hell no!

You can't stop contact over that!

frustratedandfedupoftrying · 01/05/2023 18:10

I wasn't trying to stop contact. I've been clear in my thread I've always encouraged it and always will. I just want to try and make sure he's safe that was all

OP posts:
wouldthatbeworse · 01/05/2023 18:11

Not ideal. But not worth a court order in my view. But I’m sure this is one of many ways your ex is crap so you’re probably not unreasonable. I let my 3 and 7 yos ride scooters without helmets but insist for bikes.

Obeythedancecommander · 01/05/2023 18:28

Helmets for scooters bikes etc is a sticking point for me after a young child locally fell off their scooter smacked their head and had a lasting head injury that meant they will forever be incontinent.

I think the ear defenders are a bit too much though.

Sadly i dont think the helmet part would go very far in court.

Twonewcats · 01/05/2023 18:30

One of my neighbours got hit by a car while helmetless (aged 17). He's now 19, has irreversible brain damage, cannot walk, cannot feed himself, has a tracheostomy, hasn't got out of hospital. It's so not worth the risk. Wearing a helmet is mildly annoying, but much better than the alternative.

frustratedandfedupoftrying · 01/05/2023 18:32

Just wanted to add about the ear defenders bit... he wanted to wear them. he has had a few hearing issues, all his friends had them and he was stood right in front of the band that were playing! interestingly the ex did let him wear them but not the helmet!

OP posts:
Undethetree · 01/05/2023 18:33

Where does the scooter live? You could always refuse to hand the scooter to your ex if you are not happy about your child's safety.

Devoutspoken · 01/05/2023 18:37

My kids didn't wear them

frustratedandfedupoftrying · 01/05/2023 18:38

he has one and I have one

OP posts:
SecretVictoria · 01/05/2023 18:40

Ear defenders are a very recent thing. If you think it’s going to be too loud for a child then don’t take them to a firework display/rock concert/whatever.

Postingforafriend1 · 01/05/2023 18:42

Had the same argument with DH about this, he feels helmet for bike but not scooter, I say helmet for both (im a nurse and have seen the impact the lack of helmet can have)
Went out yesterday as a family, DD was on scooter and looked back towards us, fell into the road, over the handlebars straight onto her head. She was wearing a helmet. DH apologised. It only takes one accident to change you life.

cornflakesandtea · 01/05/2023 18:44

If you can't make him get one I'd really drum it in to your DS how important it is to wear one. Hopefully your DS will pester and pester his dad until he caves in.

FeeFiFoFumble · 01/05/2023 19:05

I walked past a hysterical mum last year. Her 4 year old had just fallen off his scooter and had a proper chunk taken out of his forehead. He's ok, but required a lot of cleaning and stitches in A&E.

We wear helmets for anything with wheels, it's 100% not worth the risk. No helmet, no scooting. Same goes for adults.

georgetheblob · 01/05/2023 19:12

Helmet. Every single time. DD went flying off her scooter and smacked her head on the edge of a brick wall a few years ago, you could see the imprint of the wall and crack on the helmet, which otherwise would have been her skull. She was fine. Helmet was obviously replaced.

People might think it's 'overprotective' but seriously, why even take the risk when it's so easily avoided.

Could you get another one for him to keep at his? You shouldn't have to I know, but as I said, not worth the risk!

MargaretThursday · 01/05/2023 19:14

I never worried about helmets on scooters unless they're doing tricks. The worst injuries I've seen from scooters would not have been protected by a helmet.
And ear defenders from fireworks I always thought was if the child themselves couldn't cope with the noise. Ds, who has issues with loud noises, tends to wear them, but the others didn't. If he wants to wear them, then he'll ask.

Hugasauras · 01/05/2023 19:26

DD(4) has to wear one for both scooter and bike. Non-negotiable in our house, so I understand why you're upset about it, OP. I wouldn't have considered ear defenders for fireworks though unless I had a DC who found loud noises very difficult.

TinyOctopus · 01/05/2023 19:28

I’ve never seen a child wear a helmet riding a scooter, none of mine do.

Namechange828492 · 01/05/2023 19:31

I know a 5 yo that had a serious head injury from helmetless scooting

OnMyWayToSenility · 01/05/2023 19:41

All my kids scoot... had to visit his friend in hospital who didn't wear a helmet and is in serious state! All my kids wear helmets especially at the skate park!

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 19:54

I would feel very strongly about a helmet at 4. Send your DS with a helmet and tell him he needs to wear it. Hopefully him asking dad to strap it up will be the turning point.

Twonewcats · 02/05/2023 23:11

Given that scooters can go really fast, that it's easy to lose balance and fall off them awkwardly/fast/suddenly, given that kids are generally clumsy, I'm at a loss as to why some posters demand helmets for bikes yet class scooters as risk-free. Even after many posters have said they've seen very serious scooter accidents.

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