How to control your feelings with extended family when you have a baby?

[KittyKatMcNairn]

Hi guys, so little bit of a rant but I need to know how people control themselves with their extended families when you have a baby.

So to start, I married my husband 3 years ago and quickly gelled with his extended family (mum, dad, older brother, younger brother and younger brothers girlfriend).

The older brother met his girlfriend 3 years ago just before mine and hubby’s wedding. We decided to invite this new girlfriend to our wedding ALL day for him and for her so she didn’t feel left out. Since then we have tried to get to know the girlfriend (we have only met her 5 times at family occasions) but she declines any time we try to arrange something but she somehow accepts when the younger brother and his girlfriend invite her with older brother.

I feel I have tried so many times and same with hubby as he feels she is isolating the brothers relationship.

Skip to next weekend… hubby’s parents were to look after our baby as they previously agreed however they are now making plans to see this new girlfriends parents with the older brother and her. hubby’s parents seem to do this with her parents and younger brothers girlfriends parents but not mine despite them having a grandchild they share.

I won’t lie. I feel left out and maybe jealous that the brothers and their partners take priority. Older brother seems to like photos on Facebook of other peoples kids but can’t like photos of his nephew?

Hubby understands I have postnatal depression and he spoke to his mum who merely just said ‘she can speak to me’. But I feel like I can’t.

Sorry for the rant and sorry if it comes across as petty. Hubby wants to sort this but is unsure how as he just doesn’t get bothered by this sort of stuff.

Act like you don't care and enjoy your life.
Families are very stressful and extremely overrated anyway.

Just cos we are related to people dosent mean we will all get along and want to spend time together.

Your worrying to much.

I'm really struggling tk read that and get to the actual problem.
Are you able to say what the issue is.

So you’re jealous of your SIL, is that right?

No one needs to spend exactly equal amounts of time with different family members. It’s inevitable that because of timing/ practicality/ personalities some people will do more together than others.

I’m not sure how she’s isolating your BIL when the problem you have is her having too much family time?

Get on with your life without them. Not everyone has to like everyone.

@Saffronn thank you. Hubby feels isolated as we used to see the older brother a lot. His girlfriend makes excuses for him and makes him see her family but he barely sees his. Hope that makes sense. Always makes sense in my head then when I write it, it doesn’t 😅

Can your husband suggest to his brother that they meet and do something alone or with their other brother? No need for wives/girlfriends to be involved all the time.

@Thesearmsofmine thanks for your response. We wish it was that easy but the brothers seem to do the occasional thing without hubby as they think he doesn’t have time due to having a baby (without even asking him). Trust me hubby said a lot back to that!

Unfortunately older brothers girl makes decisions for him. No one sees him. Their mum was devastated on Mother’s Day when older brother and younger brother didn’t turn up but hubby, I and our baby did.

Could it possibly be the family, clumsily thinking that they are trying to help if you have PND. By not pushing or putting pressure for you to have to do something socially whilst looking after your child and also looking after yourself.

Maybe they haven’t mean’t to make you feel isolated in that way. When your Husband said his mum said you could speak to her, gave me the impression that she is waiting for you. As I was vilified earlier for saying I want to be an involved GP, she could be hesitating.

Ask her round for a cuppa and how my MIl did this was very kind. As my own MIL was wary of taking over or upsetting me as my own mum had passed away.

She sat and would tell me funny stories of my children’s dad, I then asked her what it was like as a new mum. From there our relationship became closer. But she was wary of putting me under pressure.

@Biscuitmonster2318 thank you for your response, kind words and for sharing your experience. I’m scared to reach out to her as she seems to want to spend more time with the others and she’d rather get drunk with her oldest sons girlfriend parents. How would you go about approaching? I’m terrible with words.