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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a go

16 replies

Whatadayhey · 01/05/2023 10:43

So bank holiday we had planned to go for a walk out somewhere as a family, maybe 30 mins walk followed by an ice cream.
9 year old DD is refusing to go, she absolutely doesn't want to go for a walk.
Stomped off to her room and slammed the door is saying she is not moving.
She is normally a kind, good girl although recently we are having problems with her attitude and rudness to me in particular.
Husband says we should absolutely not be accepting it and she is coming or there will be consequences. I do agree with him but what age do people let kids chose if they want to do things like that.

OP posts:
Willmafrockfit · 01/05/2023 10:44

you need to change your tack and bribe her

AndTheSurveySays · 01/05/2023 10:45

Why force her and make her bank holiday miserable?

Ossification · 01/05/2023 10:46

Not at 9 years! Maybe 14/15

I hope you have made her go out. She needs to learn that having a tantrum will not magically mean that she can do what she wants

Ossification · 01/05/2023 10:47

Willmafrockfit · 01/05/2023 10:44

you need to change your tack and bribe her

You reward bad behaviour with bribery?
Why not - "you are coming and that's an end to it?2

Icedlatteplease · 01/05/2023 10:47

Does she have supportive enough shoes

WildFlowerBees · 01/05/2023 10:51

Why doesn't she want to go and what would she want to do instead? It's crap being forced to do something you don't want to do but it's understandable that if you want to go out as a family she cannot be left alone. I wouldn't bribe her or give consequences I think it's good to allow people to be able to say no thank you and be comfortable saying no. I'd talk to her and see if there's a compromise. I'm not saying pander to her.

Divorcedalongtime · 01/05/2023 10:53

So she is “good” because she is obedient? Self autonomy is important. A walk needs to be voluntary. I j it it’s super tricky when they get older, especially when you have more than one and one child’s refusal impacts the other children, but in your case it’s just two adults it is impacting.

yojr husband seems clueless

LobsterBiscuit · 01/05/2023 10:59

"A walk needs to be voluntary" 😂

Fuck me, she's 9, the family are going for a walk and she's too young to stay home alone so she's going. They're taking her for an ice cream not asking her to climb Everest ffs.

WandaWonder · 01/05/2023 11:01

I am in two minds really, we went for walks from when our child was little so was used to it so a bit of whinging but got on with it

If our child was really full on against something we probably wouldn't but we usually do something where we all get what we want, thinking of more whole days though so child will get through a 'boring' gallery if we have pizza afterwards type thing

Original poster
Whatadayhey · 01/05/2023 11:04

Yes so we do have a son also who would like to go.
They had a day yesterday where they both got to choose 1 thing to do, she wanted to go swimming so we did as a family (not everyone's first choice).
I think she should come like you say not asking her to walk far, just out to get some fresh air!
I do also understand fairly miserable to do things you don't want. But trying to teach compromise

OP posts:
Stickmansmum · 01/05/2023 11:05

You absolutely make her. She’s 9. I assume one of you would be forced to give up your walk to pander to her? What do you think that teaches her?

You make her go because:

  1. Her mood and aggression is not tolerated
  2. She is too young to independently decide not to go
  3. She will ruin someone else’s day
  4. She may still ruin the walk for everyone but that is better than letting her manipulate you
  5. this is a critical moment where she learns that she has to sometimes just fit in with a group, a REALLY important lesson
  6. You will compound her belief that she’s in charge and was completely right to lose it and be disrespectful
  7. You'll have a chance later to make her feel good about accommodating her family.

Shes 9. Letting her decide is a 14 thing.

Willmafrockfit · 01/05/2023 11:07

does she have rollerblades or a bike to persuade her?

Hermanfromguesswho · 01/05/2023 11:15

I would say to her what you’ve said here. Yesterday she had her choice of activity and you all went along with it even though you wouldn’t have chosen it. This is your choice of activity. You will make it as nice as possible for you all (the ice cream!) but she doesn’t get to ruin everyone else’s fun just because it’s not her first choice today.

Royalbloo · 01/05/2023 11:19

I'd just tell her and stand at the door until she comes

Royalbloo · 01/05/2023 11:19

If she doesn't then impose consequences

Deathbyfluffy · 01/05/2023 11:23

Divorcedalongtime · 01/05/2023 10:53

So she is “good” because she is obedient? Self autonomy is important. A walk needs to be voluntary. I j it it’s super tricky when they get older, especially when you have more than one and one child’s refusal impacts the other children, but in your case it’s just two adults it is impacting.

yojr husband seems clueless

You seem clueless if you really think husband is at fault. She’s 9, and needs to do as she’s told!

People letting kids do / not do whatever they want is why we have a generation of entitled arseholes

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