Hi all, new here but looking for points of view from other people to perhaps get some perspective. I apologise for the long post in advance!
quick backstory - I fell really ill in 2021 after my first Covid vaccine, which triggered a rare, incurable immune disorder where my immune system attacks my small blood vessels causing my internal organs to bleed out. Cue several weeks in hospital and several months off work. I have to take a concoction of meds every day including chemo tablets, steroids, antibiotics etc etc just to keep me ticking over otherwise my life expectancy is 6 months to a year.
I have one daughter, aged 12 and my DH who works away all week. I work 4 full days a week in a law firm in a very busy and demanding role. Recently my treatment plan has had to be stepped up so now every 6 months I have another treatment like chemo which involves a day in hospital and a 6 hour IV infusion, two treatments in two weeks every 6 months. I knocks me for six for about 6 weeks and makes me feel really nauseous, weak and no appetite. It’s a tough few weeks with trying to run the house, look after my DD, DH is away, dog needs walking, and I try and WFH between treatments with just a week off after each one.
Recently I have been very down because I get no help from family (who all live about an hours’ drive away) and understandably all my friends are busy with their own lives and kids so I don’t like to ask too much. I feel really unwell most of the time, honestly every day seems like a massive uphill struggle, I’m not allowed to drink, I have no immune system so even catching a cold from someone can make me really unwell so I don’t go out much.
When I have treatment I need extra help around the house. I had treatment again a few weeks ago so I’m feeling a bit rubbish again at the mo, so I have asked my DD to do simple things like make her own lunchbox for school every day and be responsible for tidying her room or putting her washing in the wash basket (instead of me hunt around the house for dirty school uniform!) and sometimes unload the dishwasher. I have asked my DH to help out a bit more around the house for a while until I start to feel better. Last weekend I asked if he could run the hoover round the house before he went away again on Monday so it was one less thing for me to do that week.
Suffice to say the hoovering didn’t get done and it is sporadic weather lunchboxes are done. I feel like I’m constantly beating my head against a brick wall to get them to step up and do some small things to help out. Instead of losing my sh*t with them I have tried to talk to them about how I feel physically so that they understand, but they say all the right things and then just do nothing. I admit I have been grumpy over the last few weeks because I feel so unwell but I’m slogging on with everything and it just feels so hard, but I royally lost it with them both yesterday after a day of pre-teen stinking attitude and DH just doing his own thing, and I ended up screaming at them both.
Now my DH tell me that it’s hard to ‘live up to my expectations’ and I’m not a very nice person to live with.
I’m super upset now, just feeling like I want to cry all the time. Part of me thinks he is a selfish git who just wants to have his cake and eat it, but part of me thinks I should be doing more to try to get him to understand the physical and mental load of my daily life, which he never sees because he works away Monday to Friday and then he might be more willing to help, but I just honestly don’t know how to do that.
I guess I’m just looking for the point of view of other people for what to do, whether I’m being totally unreasonable or what. 🤷♀️