2nd baby thoughts

[Lilarosa]

I have a 12 month baby and recently am debating a second yet cannot make my mind up. I fell pregnant in November when my son was 6 months old and had a termination due to suffering from post natal depression, hypermesis and also feeling unable to cope with such a small age gap. I felt I'd made my peace having an only child but recently have seen families of 2 everywhere.

The things that keep going through my mind are:

I found the adjustment to motherhood hard and still mourn my old life. I find constantly being on the go either with work or a baby hard and not getting much downtime difficult and know this would be amplified with 2. I don't know how I'd cope with the tiredness and lack of free time/space. But on the other hand as they get older 2 might be easier.

My son doesn't have any cousins and doesn't look like he will any time soon. I worry about him not having any family once me and my husband aren't here or anyone to share childhood memories with.

My age, I'm 36 in July so don't have all the time in the world to wait. I also rely on family a lot for support but my mum is 70 in June and my MIL 63 (64 next year). I don't know with their ages how much help they could provide for a second.

I'd be interested to hear stories from people in similar situations. Did you stick with one or two and how did it work out?

It’s ok to have one. It sounds like there are good reasons to stick at one given your likely pregnancy and limited support. I don’t think 2 is ever easier. With 1 you can follow their interests and encourage friendships with whoever they like at that time. A sibling is not a guaranteed friend for life.

if you want a 2nd then go for it, but don’t feel you have to do it.

I have a DD and DS that are almost exactly 2 years apart and definitely find it easier. They play together so I can get on with things. Right now they are playing a pretend game involving a train track and lego figures. It's lovely to watch, they get so much from each other.

Thank you both ❤

stop basing your happiness on what you see around you and look to what makes you happy, more importantly what makes you feel a grip of fear.

You're irrationally worrying about your son not having additional family members without you around; could be 40 years from now when he has formed his own relationships, friendships and have a family of his own, this shouldnt be your primary focus.

What is far more rational is your thoughts about managing a new baby, you're tiredness, thoughts of support and of childcare and all the other things that would need to be accomplished to cater another child.

Plenty of only children in this world, make sure your only child has the tools to have a happy life rather than worrying about things you cannot have impact on. Ensure you have the energy to devote to making their life full and they have the ability to explore life vs being too tired to function and they have to fend for themselves...

Only child... with an only child.