To ask for your positive body image tips

[Ankleblisters]

How do you cultivate a positive body image?

I would love to hear anyone's tips for learning to be okay with changes to your weight and shape. How can I learn to love, or even just to accept my body and to be comfortable in my skin?

I've tried reading self-help books on the topic in the past but I wonder if there are any enlightened MNers who wanted to impart their wisdom to me today.

I remind myself that my body has produced a child and basically does what it’s supposed to do.

The other thing for me is that I’ve been a size 8 (v briefly!!!) and hover around a 10/12 but at my biggest (16 post childbirth) I didn’t feel any better than when I was an 8! So in other words so much if this is in our heads.

I keep fit and eat reasonably healthily but know I’ll never be a tall and effortless 8 but I don’t care anymore. Now that I have a daughter I’m constantly telling her that our hourglass shape is coveted by many and wishing we were waiflike is like wishing we had different colour hair or eyes.

I think having a daughter who is beautiful but can’t see it has really made me reflect on how much pressure there is on women and how we end up not enjoying our youth/beauty etc because we are too busy trying to live up to an ideal that we can’t attain. Having my DD has really put some of my body issues into perspective.

I also try to focus on how my body still works as it should. Getting older has been a massive challenge for me (I’m in my 50s) and my hair, skin everything has changed but I tel myself getting older is a privilege and try to embrace it.

Bit of a jumbled mess OP sorry but I guess I’m trying to say learn to love what you have and what you are and realise what women are pressured to look like isn’t attainable or sustainable for most of us.

For me lifting weights has been a massive thing. Building my body instead of shrinking it (hardly noticeable still, but it's there) really changed something in me. I have targets to increase muscle mass etc, not to shrink any of it.

And then using my body for my hobbies and being actively 'mindful'/grateful that I can do that. I'm of the age now where my friends are collecting injuries and wear that can impede their physical capability.

I look after my body, I move it to preserve its integrity, I feed it the right things and chocolate to make sure I'll be able to keep enjoying it for as long as possible.

That combined with remember and appreciating that my body grew my children and fed my children. Not everyone gets to do that.

Be in your body. Less in your head.

Agree about weights.

I've always done them and felt the benefits. In the last few years though my previously skinny long legs which were always my "best bit' IYSWIM have become a bit more stocky and not so thin but definitely stronger now I'm doing bigger weights.

I don't think they are no longer skinny due to weights, rather they were inevitably going to change as I'm ageing but the weights have made them better for it.

I love feeling strong now

as far as I understand, most feelings arise from beliefs.

Disappointment or frustration are feelings that arise from beliefs.

You can't simply change feelings but you can do a lot to change beliefs.
So if you decide what's most important about your body is that it has plenty of energy, doesn't hurt, gets you from a to b & reliably lets you do fun things in life, then your body is probably utterly fantastic. Your 2nd (or maybe 1st) priority could be to maximise the potential of your body to let you do fun stuff in spite of whatever physical challenge(s) you have.

Everything else about how your body "looks" should be distant 3rd or even non-existent priority. I will grant that being able to fit into ordinary size spaces (eg airplane seats) and existing wardrobe are pretty useful things, too. But anything about what your body was like in the past is irrelevant because all that matters is what your body lets you do today. Is it fit for purpose? And if not, how can you maximise its potential given whatever challenges (niggles, weak shoulder, dodgy ankle, etc.).

imho, You can choose a lot about what matters to you in your body.

I dont talk shit about myself.
I wear clothes in a size that fits, bot what I want the label to say.
I wear what I am comfortable in - I dont wear a bikini on the beach or take posey photos to show body confidence or positivity, I wear a swimsuit so I am comfortable.
Likewise, I dont wear crops because they are fashionable and my bulge should be celebrated in theory. They dont flatter me soon dont wear them.
I dont buy, like or follow anything that discusses womens bodies, be that insta inspiration, magazines that tear women to shreds or compare them or spend any time on social media reels that show tips on that stuff because it shows you more of it.
The less I engage with it the less I think about it. I dont buy into "being sexy" because i am worth something no matter what i look like.

Being very pragmatic about the fact that the size, weight or shape of any body is really not very interesting at all. That nobody really cares what your body looks like. Life is short and nobody remembers loved ones after they pass away as 'lovely and slim' or 'a perfect size ten'. It really doesn't matter.

This may sound really silly but this is works for me, especially if I'm going somewhere where I need to scrub up.

I deliberately wander around for a bit at the beginning of the day looking like shit, don't bother washing my hair, no make up and wear what I call my hobo clothes (scruffy ripped jeans, baggy tshirt etc) go about my day like that all fine. THEN when it's time to get ready, I wash my hair, do my make up and find a nice outfit that I feel good in. Once I'm sorted I think I look great and feel amazing about myself because I suppose the huge (in my mind) transformation. Going from scruffy to polished and nicely dressed.

As I said, sounds silly but works for me. Regardless, I bet you don't look anywhere near as bad as you think, everyone has attractive features and/or attributes and beauty goes far beyond the physical

Realism, and giving social media a wide berth. I look in the mirror and have good and bad days. I have good and bad photos of me. I concentrate more on how I actually feel, how old do I really feel. I certainly dont feel the 50 years old which I know I am. Could I do some exercise? yes, but I can't find the time or energy. Could I wear more make up? yes, but again, I can't be bothered. Could I have fillers, botox etc, yes, but it's a slippery slope I dont want to go down. But I'm happy in myself. I look at others who are slimmer/prettier/better presented than me at my age but I ask myself, would I swap my life for theirs and the answer is always no. I'm satisfied with my life/family/job/home and that's enough for me.

I've come to accept my body shape as I'm never going to not be skinny and pear shaped. But I do things that make me feel good about my body. I run and exercise to make my body the best it can be (in my opinion). I like make up and feel better wearing it so I do. I really enjoy fashion but I have learnt what suits me so avoid things I know won't be flattering. I really like my body and I'm proud of the work I've put in to achieve it.

As I’ve aged (over 50) and put on a tyre round the middle, I think

• focus on what you DO in your body and what feels good (running, swimming, yoga for me, or a deep bath or sunshine on my skin or being barefoot)
• my body carried and delivered and fed my son, so that’s pretty awesome
• joy comes from the inside and when you smile it shows on the outside