Friendship in your 20s

[Deathmetal]

It was my 25th birthday this week - aibu to feel a bit down as 2 of my closest friends didn’t acknowledge it? I always acknowledge their special occasions and listen to them in their time of need…but it’s rarely reciprocated and it feels like a one-sided friendship.

We’re all busy adults with full lives, jobs, partners etc. I see these friends ~twice a year though we message regularly. I see people my age whose friends do something for their birthday, even if it’s just a post on social media or card. Even if they have busy lives, they seem to pencil in the time together and meet up.

It almost makes me feel like I’ve invested in the wrong friendships because birthday aside, they’re not really there for me? Although when we are together, nothing has changed and feels normal. Some people regularly have their friends come over, go gym/walk together, go for a drive, get their nails done together, drinks after work etc. I would just like to see them more frequently I suppose, is that reasonable or is that OTT?

Did you invite them to anything ?
Arrange anything ?
Ask them to keep it free so you could do something ?

If you want to celebrate your birthday, then arrange something.
So yes, YABU about that bit.

Some people regularly have their friends come over, go gym/walk together, go for a drive, get their nails done together, drinks after work etc. I would just like to see them more frequently I suppose, is that reasonable or is that OTT?

It's neither unreasonable nor OTT. Friendships come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. People have ways of doing friendships that are all different, and then crucial things like location impact hugely too.

Presumably, if you only see them twice a year, then you don't live close to each other ? In which case how could you go for drinks after work ? I'm a bit confused.

Thank you for this! We do live nearby, but after the pandemic (and age I suppose) the frequency we meet has trickled off. We used to do all the things mentioned above, but I’m not sure if 25 is a natural point for friendships to dwindle as it feels too soon!

funnily enough one of those friends has just messaged me about going on a trip tomorrow. Maybe she’s on mumsnet 😂

I have heard that after covid, many people have found their friends are more flakey whether this is a mixture of post covid anxiety, wanting to stay at home more, having more solitary hobbies, cost of living issues is anybody's guess. I wouldn't say cut these friends off but perhaps now is the time to widen your circle so you aren't so heavily invested in these two.

We do live nearby, but after the pandemic (and age I suppose) the frequency we meet has trickled off. We used to do all the things mentioned above, but I’m not sure if 25 is a natural point for friendships to dwindle as it feels too soon!

Well, it definitely wasn't when I was that age, and it isn't what I see in my adult dc, either.

I mean, friendships are often 'of a time' or 'of a place' and it is harder to keep the same sort of relationship if you move away, or start working shifts, or one of you becomes a parent or whatever, but if you are all local, I'm still confused as to why you only see each other 2x a year.

Do you all do lots of other things with other friendship groups ?

25 is still so young to be only seeing your mates twice a year!

You’re 25 with presumably no kids yet - you and your mates should still be out having fun! What do you do on weekends?

seeing someone only twice a year wouldn't be my closest friends.... that would be similar to old work colleague !

I usually do a bigger thing once a month in our 'group' and will likely see each friend individually once a month also.

I found this happened mid thirties not mid twenties. Couple of times a year is not often . You could try to see if they want more from the friendship and meet more regularly. But I'd maybe branch out too and do some hobbies/social events that involve meeting more people.