To be angry my dad allowed me around a rapist

[mummyjummylove]

Hi,

I will obviously be changing names and will try and explain this as concisely as possible.

When I was 8, my dad met a new woman and they started dating. She has 3 children, the two youngest being Jessica and David. My step-mum was a horrible person through and through, emotionally abusive to both myself and my dad - this is widely agreed by her family etc, she's well hated.

Luckily my dad escaped when I was about 18 (I'm 24 now) and I haven't spoken to anyone from the family since, even though I had a great relationship with Jessica.

Randomly Jessica and I started speaking a few days ago again, and horrifically she told me that when she was 10, her brother David (13) had raped her. My ex step-mum had brushed his all under the carpet and had taken David's side. Recently Jessica decided to speak out about it and my ex step mum told everyone she was a liar and having a mental breakdown. Jessica is now no contact with her, thankfully.

My question for you all is a selfish one. I rang my dad flabbergasted asking him if he knew about Jessica's trauma. He said he did know, and that he'd been told only six months into the relationship. My dad when I was 8 onwards, allowed me to be around David, a child rapist. David lived away, but we'd often visit or they'd come back to the country and I'd basically have unlimited access to him. Luckily nothing happened, but AIBU to be absolutely seething that he put me in this position?

For further context: I confronted my dad and he said that he never thought David was a serial offender so wasn't a risk to me as he would've been about 20 when I was 8. I think that's a crap excuse personally - there's no reason to believe he didn't offend outside of the family (hence my ex step mum maybe not knowing). My dad also is a total wet lettuce who always prioritises his woman, but is a kind hearted man. I wonder how many more times I can excuse his behaviour because he's "weak".

I very much agree with @Nagado - but have to ask what exactly did Jessica's mum tell your dad? And why she didn't keep David at arm's length both from Jessica and from OP?

Sorry but you dad is weak and not a kind man. Poor Jessica being raped, then traumatised by her mum's reaction. All the adults in this situation failed both of you. They also failed David as to how did a young boy end up in this situation kids aren't normally driven to rape their sisters. He could be a victim of something as well (not excusing him). Despite how you feel and your feelings are perfectly valid, her trauma is not yours so please don't go to the police and report like an OP said.

Hard to prove no doubt.
Always a possi ility he has done it someone else a well though
It's a good point.

Families always try and cover things up.

What does David say op
Presume he's denied it. Hope Jessica gets some help

This is how a good parent would do it, thank you!

It gets all the more messed up here.

My dad said he couldn't remember the exact details as it was so long ago but in essence there was a party going on in the house. David (13) was being "flirted with" by one of this mum's adult friends. Allegedly this ADULT WOMAN got David sexually frustrated (and then left) so he went and raped Jessica.

I have no clue if this is the reality or some messed up "excuse" for David's actions.

It may be worth noting too that Jessica 3 years later was almost raped again by one of her mother's friends but someone spooked the man by coming up the stairs.

I agree with this. Weak men can come across as kindly. But generally they are selfish and self-serving. Jessica has suffered dreadfully but her trauma is not yours, OP. Please don't take her trauma to your heart. David needed help but didn't get any, and his emotional problems were hidden. But at 13, he would have known what he did was wrong. It's shocking that nothing was done about it by neither David's Mum or Dad. Your issue now appears to be to deal with your relationship with your Dad. You thankfully escaped physical harm from David. How are you feeling about things today, OP?

@Ladybug14

"Weak men can come across as kindly. But generally they are selfish and self-serving."

Wow, you're so right. He did things like:

• try and make himself purposefully bankrupt to not have to pay child maintenance
• accused my mum of having Munchausen by proxy when I had gallstones at the age of 13
• didn't come and see me post gall bladder removal because his wife couldn't be bothered and she didn't like me anyway

Both my mum and I just believed that it was his wife manipulating him and stuff. The emails he'd send were obviously written by her (she was much more eloquent than him).

But now I realise that rather than him just being inadequate and weak, there's something else going on. Thank you all for making me see this. Luckily I have an amazing mother who now realises her trying to facilitate a relationship between me and my dad actually could've been damaging. But nevertheless she's wonderful and I'm very blessed to have her.