To think this is it for the rest of my life. I'm utterly depressed .

[mayblues]

Single parent with 100% care of
My children.
Two teens , one doing exams the other transfer, autistic teen who is doing v well but needs a lot of
Supervision socially.
Then there's my adored son ... 12 years of age who spends his day saying ..' mum' 'mum' 'mum.
Massive anxiety. Won't leave house. Eats all day long and hides / steals food. Now has a weight problem. Yet another fail of mine.
He won't go with his father which is fair enough. His father is aggressive and shouty . He refuses to acknowledge his dads presence.
Sleeps with me, wets the bed every night.
Is literally by my side 24/7.
No privacy. No time to myself.
I've done everything possible for treatment . Nothing has worked. System is broken anyway.
It's a beautiful evening.
I want to be with friends, sitting in the sun, sipping wine , chatting and listening to music.
Even for an hour.
It cannot be done.
I feel like I'm
Drowning and at times it would be easier not to be here .
I wake up full of hope and happiness when I see the sunshine and long for retirement . Wishing my life away.
I'm mentally strong thankfully but at times I dot want to wake up.
I'm on hrt .
It's been amazing.
I dont think I'm clinically depressed but feel hopelessness and dread every single weekend.
Is this it ? My son starts yet another anxiety programme soon which he will rally against. More arguing. He tries everything for control me and can be quite aggressive .
He is very comfortable in his zone here with me but I am smothered and feel like I'm slowly dying .

No answers but posting to say it's not just you. I've a teen and a tween, I'm their only parent, both have some behavioural struggles. I can feel very down and lonely, and have had times of dreading weekends.

I try to hold onto the good moments (sometimes few and far between). I remind myself the grass isn't necessarily greener. It will get different, change is inevitable. Sorry I wish I had something helpful

You poor thing. Put him in pull ups at night if he sets every night. They go up to age 14; Tena pads if he’s too big. You really don’t have to be changing sheets every day on top of everything else (especially as he’s in your bed!!)

You say he doesn’t leave home. Is he a school refuser? 💐

*wets

I can't promise you'll be living in an ideal world next week (or even next year) but I would like to reassure you that it will get better eventually. My situation wasn't the same as yours. But I struggled for 8 years with one son needing an emergency ambulance roughly every two months because of his wildly unstable Type 1 diabetes and the other thinking obsessionally of suicide for at least three years. It ripped me apart. Drained me.

But it didn't last forever. They're grown men now. My diabetic son got all the high tech bells and whistles and can now control his blood sugar. He has a good job. His brother is still emotionally fragile but suicide is no longer a daily obsession. The difficulties we lived through together have provided a basis for a mostly happy family.

I can't say much apart from promising that this too shall pass. Love your DC and have faith that they will recover eventually.

I didn’t want to read and run,

im so sorry I can’t imagine

can you reason with your son is he high functioning? Can u say if you won’t wear pull ups etc you can’t sleep with me or something similar

I have a child with ASD , PDA traits and you do in the nicest way be a little bit tougher unless life threatening illness , breathing issues, seizure issues no child needs to be next to you 24/7 you need to set some boundaries