To think friend should just shut up?

[DrainedansEmosj]

Just a rant and I’m sure I sound horrible and unreasonable but for the last two years all I’ve heard from a friend when we meet up is “I’ve been busy every Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the last few months” or “I’m booked out every single Friday, Saturday and Sunday for months” and how she wishes she could have just one weekend she doesn’t have to do anything.

What gets me is that she doesn’t have children so any socialising she does is purely what she’s arranging herself or saying yes to (and her partner). If she was that desperate for just one weekend of doing nothing then she could easily make it happen.

Sorry I just feel done after seeing her yesterday and hearing the same rant again and again and again. And it’s like she has to show off how busy she is.

Don't you ever ask her why she doesn't make it happen? Perhaps she has nothing else to moan about and people like a moan.

She’s lying and sounds like an attention seeker.

I'm childfree and didn't realise that it meant you have no good reason to be busy.

I am too.

I meant it in a way that if you have kids then I guess sometimes you’d be taking them to clubs or play dates on a weekend and feeling guilty if you didn’t or if you didn’t leave the house etc.

Whereas if she’s so desperate to have one weekend of not socialising then that’s easy to arrange. Just pick a weekend and don’t say yes to anything.

Have you asked her why she doesn't just not make plans?

I think it's harder to say no to things if you don't have kids, because people think you have no excuse.

I use my kids as an excuse to get out of things all the time.

Exactly this. When you don’t have children it’s very hard to get out of things. If you have lots of friends in different groups you find you end up with very little time for yourself. And if you try to put someone off, the meet up just gets moved to a different date and then it happens all over again

YANBU but this is such weird behaviour, there must be a reason. Maybe she was the unpopular girl at school, her mother gave her constant earache about getting out & about or she'd never meet a man; something like that.

It must take a bit of effort to have places to go every night of every weekend. If she's fibbing, it's still weird. The obvious thing is, as @DojaPhat says, to engage with her and ask why she doesn't just plan a weekend to herself.

I agree.

Have you asked her why she doesn’t just make it happen?

Heh, wait until all your friends are married with kids! You're suddenly an awkward addition to their coupled-up nights, unless they also have a single man they can temporarily pair you with.

Except when they want a babysitter 🤔

How odd. Surely you can just reply with the obvious answer though? As in she says ‘I wish I had a free weekend’ and you reply ‘have one then.’ Or just say ‘yes you do plan a lot of things, don’t you? I like to leave myself a free weekend every few weeks, you should probably do that if you feel this exhausted.’

Oh god I hate perfomatively busy people.

All she has to say is "I'm away that weekend" if people try to organise something. Not be a martryr.

She may feel pressure from her partner to attend things. It xan be very tricky

It does sound a little bit like boasting, like 'oh my god I am SO popular! It's just exhausting being so in demand.'

I would find her rather tedious. (Unless she really is incredibly fun, lovely and charismatic, in which case I guess I'd be flattered she'd found time for me.)

@Squirrelblanket there always has to be one who takes offence & has to post a snippy reply back doesnt there. I think people will understand what op means & not take it as she was inferring that only people with children have a reason to be busy 🙄🙄

Perpetually busy.
Perpetually invited.
Perpetually booked up.
Perpetually popular.
Perpetually boasting.

Funny thing is, she'd be picking the wrong girl with me to boast to. I cannot think of anything in the world I would hate more than to have every single weekend taken up seeing other people. My idea of hell. Crack on love, keep those social butterfly wings flapping as fast as your gums.

Has your friend got a people pleasing problem? Maybe she’s scared to say no and ends up doing things she doesn’t want to.

This! I'd just say sure give me a shout when you're free and leave it that.

I was once making conversation with a fellow school mum in the playground and casually asked if she had much on over half term? She obviously took this as an attempt by me to arrange a meet up because she told me she was "pretty much completely booked up, I'm afraid!"

Bog off love, I'm only passing the time of day. 🙄

Sounds like FOMO to me. She takes too much on, but panics at the same time that the invitation she turns down will turn out to be a great night.

I tell one particular friend I’m much busier than I am because if she knows I’m free, she’s always booking things in for us to do and sometimes I want a night at home

She sounds very disorganised as you say if she needs downtime she should plan it in.