To be worried about my Mum

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My Mum is in her mid 70s. We lost my Dad a couple of years ago.
I am really starting to worry about her and I do not know what to do as she is so independent.

Firstly she has become obsessed with being 'ripped off' to the point that she turned off her heating over winter and now has even turned her hot water off unless she is showering. If she needs something doing she will not do it if she feels they are ripping her off (which is often just prices as they are today)

She keeps asking me the same questions she has already asked me, for example I left some garden shoes at hers and told her why as I do the garden for her and to stop me ruining my normal footwear but every week she asks me why they are there and what is happening with them (they are under a bed out of the way)

I am not convinced she is eating properly, there never seems to be basics in like milk and bread and when there is they are unopened and out of date. She was getting a meal service but went off the food. She gets a supermarket delivery but I have no idea what she is even getting as there never seems to be much.
She does eat dinner when we are there and there is stuff in the freezer but it is there week after week.

I do not think money is an issue, she is mortgage free, no car costs etc and she has a state and private pension and she also has savings, she was going to pay out privately for surgery recently and offered to buy something expensive for my daughter (£200) which we did not accept but I am sure she has money.

She is very independent, she would not want anyone living with her or doing anything for her unless it is things like gardening, decorating etc.
Help!

I don’t want to dismiss your worry but can’t really see what the issue is, other than your discomfort/disagreement with her choices?

Could you take your shoes home with you or keep them in your car?

Older people often don’t eat very much, could be normal.

Do you have other family - siblings etc? Are they worried about her?

To be clear, is the worry her memory, or that she's not looking after herself - and whether this is through depression or maybe ageing and dementia etc? Or paranoia re being ripped off? Might help if you voice what you're worried about more clearly.

I suspect you might be noticing trends that could worsen over time, but right now she's still capable of living independently. Have you talked to her about whether she's happy as she is, if she ever plans to move etc?

The couple of years since widowhood seems relevant to me - after the initial upheaval and adjustment she's sort of got in a rut and is a bit depressed?

I know AIBU is normally for traffic, but for this I think you'd do better asking it to be moved to Elderly Parents.
Has she set up POA so you can look after her finances / speak for her on health and care matters, e.g. if she were to have a stroke ?

It’s possible it could be like a need to control things (costs/spending) as a response to anxiety about being alone?

2nd year is usually when the reality of being alone really sets in.

Look around the house. One of the first signs in my grandma was hiding food in places.

It sounds like she is becoming forgetful? Does she repeatedly ask other things besides the shoe one? Could you ring her around teatime a couple of times a week and I’m a chatty way ask what’s she’s having for tea?

Has she actually been ripped off by a scammer? I would ask

One of the early signs of my mum's dementia was obsessing about electricity costs even they have solar panels. She now thinks she gets charged even if the electricity is coming from them.
Also the food thing- she could be forgetting to eat. Mum thinks she opened a can of beans yesterday and is surprised that the half she put in the fridge is covered in thick mould. We regularly remove stuff that is utterly rank e.g covered in mould, meat gone green or with a smell that makes you retch. She's always surprised it's gone off because she's "only just bought it" but the date on the pack is well past.

We made my grandma a safe 'rummage box' with things that couldn't harm her in it. And every 2 days a family member would go and check her fridge/food hiding places. The very first sign, about a year before that she became fixated on my mother and managed to convince the entire family that my mum had abandoned her in the centre of town and driven off. It caused a HUGE rift.

Thank you for the responses.
Apologies I did not realise there was an elderly parent section.

In answer to questions yes it is other stuff she is repeatedly asking questions about too, I just used the shoes as an example. I have said I will take them home and she tells me to leave them but then asks again.

I suppose I am worried she is going cold when she does not need to be when she is vulnerable to the cold due to her age and also her health and that she is not looking after herself properly.
I am worried about the possibility of something like dementia as some of her behaviour has changed (the forgetfulness, the paranoia, some things she says)

There is just me, no other siblings. I am only able to go once a week but we stay all weekend and I ring every single day.

Thank you for the comments about widowhood. That is useful. Maybe she is just feeling it more now.

Does she get out much? Art groups, exercise groups etc can be a good way to be more active and make friends.

Not at all, she is in the house 24/7 and unless she has the hospital will not leave.
She has good neighbours but does not see them unless she needs help. There are people in the street that have also lost their partners and are alone who she used to go out with but she does not go over.
Part of the problem is until recently she had cataracts and could not see that well but she has had them sorted and is much better.
I have suggested she pops to town with Ring and Ride or such now she can see better. I have said I will meet her there.

Yes! This is one of the things that is worrying me, she has not been able to see well until recently (cataract removal) and she had eaten food and said it tasted weird, my daughter checked it and it was mouldy and she had only 'just bought' that also.
I have chatted with her about this but she just says she grew up in the 40s and 50s and ate food for weeks after.

Sounds like the start of dementia where her memory retention is deteriorating and she is paranoid. It would be worth a call to her gp as if they catch it at the right time they can prescribe medication which can slow it down. Good luck

I'm afraid Op that this sounds very much like the start of Dementia. My DF died and I put my DM's odd behaviour down to grief, then one day ten months after he passed she asked me why my Dad was late home from work . I'd say you need to speak to her Doctor and get your DM accessed. I do hope I'm wrong but it's best to find out

Sorry to hear this OP.

Can you ring her GP and express your concerns? They may not be able to tell you anything due to data protection but maybe tell them everything or email them and ask for them to follow up with ur mum?

Sorry OP, but reiterating what PPs have said. It sounds like my mam before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
One of the first things I would do is get POA I place.

Not saying anything wrong with AIBU OP, it's just EP is very helpful!

Although her GP can’t discuss it with you directly, you could contact them and express your concerns. They will probably ask her to come in for a review (assuming she’s willing) and can do a memory test. This sort of paranoia can be an early sign of memory issues.