Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask what to do the kids for lunch?

46 replies

CornishIrish · 30/04/2023 12:15

Every time I am out at the weekend my husband will message me either “what am I doing the kids for lunch?” Or “where do I find them socks/hair slides/jumpers?” For context we both work full time and have two 12 year olds and a 6 year old. We do one medium shop and three or four top ups for fresh food.

The emotional labour of thinking about every meal, party gift, outfit, school project and doctors appointment is really getting me down.

Just recently I’ve started texting him, “what am I doing the kids for lunch?” Every time he leaves the house. It’s been a week, he’s now giving me the silent treatment.

So AIBU?

OP posts:

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 09:34

@Charles11 but whey should she? Can't he look in the cupboard/fridge and figure it out for himself?

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 09:35

@Lcb123 'when you plan your' and herein lies the problem. They both work. It isn't her job to plan anything!

dividedduty · 01/05/2023 09:47

Yabu, this is the curse of equal parenting and I can’t count the number of times the DCs have been given the same thing for lunch and dinner because nobody asked this question. Do a fortnightly menu plan and stick it on the fridge - it will change your life

Iminthemoneylife · 01/05/2023 09:50

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 30/04/2023 12:31

This would massively annoy me too but can you not have a conversation rather than being really passive aggressive about it?

I agree. OP your an adult, talk to your DH about it. Then if he text you stupid questions when you’re out feel free to wait to a few ours before you send it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 01/05/2023 10:25

Do a fortnightly menu plan and stick it on the fridge - it will change your life

Whose job would you say this is?

dividedduty · 01/05/2023 10:56

It doesn’t matter who menu plans. Whoever is best at it or wants to do it. Agree what’s your responsibility and what is DH’s. You can’t both do all jobs jointly if you’re working full time. Making lunch and planning lunch are different jobs.

Charles11 · 01/05/2023 11:40

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 09:34

@Charles11 but whey should she? Can't he look in the cupboard/fridge and figure it out for himself?

Well, why wouldn't you? Your husband shouldn't be your enemy and if they're genuinely clueless then you could just give him an idea as a one off then leave it to him.

Buebananas · 01/05/2023 11:51

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 09:34

@Charles11 but whey should she? Can't he look in the cupboard/fridge and figure it out for himself?

But what if he just helped himself to the smoked salmon, chicken or nice cheese that she had planned for an evening meal?

Buebananas · 01/05/2023 11:53

You can’t both do all jobs jointly if you’re working full time.

Exactly. Divide up the chores and one of you is responsible for meal planning, the other for paying bills or whatever!

ClaraBourne · 01/05/2023 11:55

This drives me up the wall too.

I mean 12 years of not taking any notice because it's easier to ask you than make a mental note. YANBU.

Write a list and stick it on a cupboard. Ignore any messages.

EggInANest · 01/05/2023 12:02

Firstly, stop the passive aggressive approach.

Tell him that he is adding to your mental load, and you are not his manager. Tell him once, and maybe write a list, that lunch options include cheese on toast, beans on toast, soup and bread, scrambled egg, fish fingers, frankfurters or whatever you often have in.

After that just don’t respond.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/05/2023 12:04

Don't be passive aggressive, be direct.

I wouldn't be writing any list. He's a big boy and he can work it out.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 01/05/2023 12:08

People are accusing OP of being passive but how about her DH giving her the silent treatment?! Pull him up on that OP. It’s absolutely not acceptable!

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 01/05/2023 12:09

Passive aggressive that should have said

Alargeoneplease89 · 01/05/2023 12:14

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 30/04/2023 12:31

It annoys me too, but my husband does absolutely everything DIY related, and does loads of stuff to make our home better. He also does the bins, and also sorts car/house insurance and gas/leccy.

I have to think of this when he asks me what's for tea every fucking night.

100% agree with this.

Buebananas · 01/05/2023 13:14

I wouldn't be writing any list. He's a big boy and he can work it out.

Work it out? Work what out? What ingredients are intended for lunch? Or that he can just help himself to whatever he fancies?

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/05/2023 14:21

Buebananas · 01/05/2023 13:14

I wouldn't be writing any list. He's a big boy and he can work it out.

Work it out? Work what out? What ingredients are intended for lunch? Or that he can just help himself to whatever he fancies?

He can work out what to feed his children. He can stop leaving the mental load to OP and think for himself.

WallabyWay · 01/05/2023 14:23

But what if he just helped himself to the smoked salmon, chicken or nice cheese that she had planned for an evening meal?

I'm sure she's quite capable of telling him not to use the chicken if it's intended for dinner or he can check or if doubtful, make something else.

SouthLondonMum22 · 01/05/2023 14:31

WallabyWay · 01/05/2023 14:23

But what if he just helped himself to the smoked salmon, chicken or nice cheese that she had planned for an evening meal?

I'm sure she's quite capable of telling him not to use the chicken if it's intended for dinner or he can check or if doubtful, make something else.

Exactly.

There's a difference between using common sense, making an effort, actually thinking and asking about the chicken over texting with no thought and leaving it all up to OP.

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 17:50

@Charles11 if he manages to hold down a job then he can manage to decide what to make for lunch.

loftconversi0n · 01/05/2023 17:52

@Buebananas even if she does the meal
Planning and good shopping, Tbey have been married long enough that he would probably know that the piece of steak in the fridge isn't for a random Tuesday lunch. Selective incompetence is the worst. Like the men who can't do laundry or use the vacuum

Flip

1 2