Philippa Perry's answer to a lazy DH - speak softly to the poor lamb, you menopausal harridan

[HangerLaneGyratorySystem]

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/30/my-husband-wont-lift-a-finger-to-help-me-should-i-stay-or-go

This isn't sitting well with me at all - I am often gobsmacked at her advice in general but she seems to be telling this lady to be nicer and more understanding, and get herself checked out (as surely if you are cross cos your husband is a lazy twat then there's something wrong with YOU!)

" ...And if you get HRT and find yourself more tolerant as a result, I do not suggest you let your husband get away with not sharing the physical and emotional labour of the home, but it may give you more patience when you remind him to think about what needs doing and not leave it all to you."

Or she could just say this is a deal breaker, get your finger out or we're going to have to consider our future?

I like the Guardian for often being the only paper calling out terrible political policies but this is privileged, boho twaddle from PP.

But then who goes to a columnist for realistic, practical advice?

I thought it was good advice. If you are married you made a promise. If you don’t want to make that promise, don’t marry. Working out your marriage with this sort of issue is very common. Divorce isn’t a magic solution either.

Ah, The Guardian, smashing down all the achingly oppressive social boundaries and charging towards a progressive promised land of unfettered ratification of the true self - until a woman starts to wonder if her husband is more trouble than he's worth and then it's a hasty retreat to a conservative dynamic and the traditional greater good. Perry fits right in.

He has openly spoken about how his dressing up is a sexual fetish and said he has top be more and more outrageous because it doesn't work for him if people are not shocked. I find it bizarre that she is looked to for advice on anything, ever.

The Guardian/Observer are frequently racist. They had one of their moments last night when they pulled this https://news.sky.com/story/the-guardian-pulls-cartoon-of-outgoing-bbc-boss-richard-sharp-after-antisemitism-backlash-12869197

I was surprised. Usually they brazen it out. As David Baddiel said: "Jews don't count."

FWIW Philippa Perry often gives cock-eyed advice. So does Mariella Frostrup.

The comments all disagree with her

perhaps you missed the bit that says

"stay a week or two away with a friend. It may bring it home to him just how much there is to think about and do that should be shared."

And if you get HRT and find yourself more tolerant as a result,

Fucksake, Perry you unutterable tool.
May as well still be the 1970's. "Take this valium dear, calm down & make sure you & the house look nice when husband gets home."

She also says this
”Right now, you are furious. I don’t blame you, your husband, without realising it, keeps reverting to type, leaving your headspace taken up with remembering to get milk and loo rolls, while he can chat about loftier ideas with other men. You are cooking dinner and listening to children read to you at the same time, while he watches the news and when you tell him you are reaching the end of your tether and have fantasies of not having him around at all, he is not taking you seriously. Sounds very tempting from an I-told-you-so perspective to leave, I can see that.”

"Calm down, dear. Don't forget to collect your husbands dresses from the dry cleaners, and make sure you give his plastic dildo a good polish with pledge before he gets home."
🤔🤦‍♀️

Totally agree.

She lost me at the bit where she said you would damage your child if you didn’t let them sleep in your room for the first THREE years.

She’s awful and IMO gives quite damaging advice.

Agree this is not the best thing she’s ever written. However, she’s amazing compared to the agony aunt they had before her and is an actual therapist

I didn’t like this column either. There were bits of it that might have been decent advice (the going away for a fortnight thing; divorce isn’t an easy solution to marital difficulties) but the whole thing felt wrapped in an overtone of ‘calm down dear’. Also didn’t like the parenting book since she only had one child…

I like Phillipa, I think she’s spot on.

I love the perrys. She is advising ways to improve communication and make him see what she wants. It is tempting g to burn the house down and walk away but what then? Maybe he is an irredeemable arsehole but it is worth trying to fix things if he isn’t.

Quite

She had a column in Red for about ten years. Some of her advice was spot on.

I would imagine she has to keep her thoughts to herself compromise rather a lot in her own marriage so can't compute another woman wanting to leave over simply being treated like a household skivvy.

'She was so smug about what a great parent she was to her SINGLE well behaved child. Ugh it was nauseating.'

I will stick up for her on this point. I don't think she's smug about parenting in the slightest. In fact, I find she's often at pains to point out that she only had one child, and she made plenty of mistakes, and is absolutely not claiming to be any kind of 'perfect parent', whatever that would even be. She's writing as a psychotherapist, not some kind of parenting guru, and as such has plenty of useful thoughts to share, even if she wasn't a parent herself

Ms Perry is very tolerant. Married to Grayson she's had to be.

I haven't got the book to hand but there were a good number of times where she made the most smug comments ever. I read them out at my book club.

Her general advice is also very patronising and I also disliked how longwinded she is. Ugh, she sounds like a real bore.

I'm really not a fan. ( I'm sure she is a nice person though! )