I'm 40, single mother, working professional.
Split up with child's dad over a year ago, when child was one due to his appalling treatment of me (coercive, abusive and just turned into a bit of an arsehole after child was born). I haven't thought much about new relationships etc at all... but this weekend I am by by myself and started to think about relationships and men I met in the past. One in particular who I met whilst abroad in India over 8 years ago. I met him on a night out and we stayed in touch all the time for a few months. The spark and energy we had was incredible. He was British but had lived in Italy for his whole life. I flew to stay with him for a week when I returned and to say it was the most incredible date of my life was an understatement. The chemistry was insane, the experiences I had with him in Italy was something out of a rom movie and it was like we'd both found our person. However, we didn't talk about the future. I flew over again a month or two later and again, it was incredible but from the second trip I realised how different our lives were and how realistically it would never work (though we didn't actually ever speak out us in the long term, we were just in the moment). He came to visit in me in London briefly and the spark and passion were still there but after that our communication got less and less. I never chased him or asked why. I just deleted his number and photos and moved on. On my birthday he contacted me on Facebook and was being his lovely self and apologised for not being in touch and said 'it was the wrong choice for the right reason.' Again, I didn't ask anymore because I just had blocked my emotions off by this point. Annoyingly I went down a rabbit hole yesterday (mainly because I came across a song his friend, who was in quite a successful band, had written which was on my Spotify). I then tried to look up my Italian on social media but it looks like he's deleted his profile but I did do some prime insta stalking and found pics of him on his friend's band site. He still looks the same guy, still looks like he is having the best time and not settled down (which I thought would be the case)! Not sure of this post, but just comparing the connection and amazing time I had with this guy over the period of a year to the father of my child makes me long for this type of connection in my next relationship. I know I am probably looking at everything with rose tinted glasses but the happiness and how special this guy made me feel in the moment was insane (probably the Italian charm haha)
Does anyone else look back on those 'shoulda, coulda, woulda' moments with people they've met? I can't be the only one that has these micro love stories that never had a proper ending of conclusion. Part of me wishes I could find him and speak to him... but I also know it's probably nicer not to ruin the memories I have and can escape to from time to time xxxx