To give up on trying for a baby after recurrent miscarriage?

[Lottie2267]

Just what the title says really. I’ve had 4 miscarriages in a row (no children) and am emotionally and physically drained. GP / NHS don’t want to know so in order to carry on we would need private tests. There are SO many things that could be causing an issue and each test costs a small fortune. It’s quite overwhelming and I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’ve had the standard fertility MOT and my partner has had his sperm tested. I also paid for thyroid / iron blood tests but no idea where to go from here. I’m aware that many women have suffered many more miscarriages than me but I don’t know if I can keep putting myself through it. I’m questioning even having children now, I’m just worried we could spend thousands on tests and still be left heartbroken at the end. I want to protect my mental health. I was just wondering has anybody else been through the same / had the same feelings? What did you end up doing? To anyone that stopped trying to protect themselves, do you regret it? Thank you!

Sorry to read of the losses you have had, and I hope one of the suggestions made works for you.

I'm so sorry op it's heartbreaking. Have you contacted the Miscarriage Association for support & information about the referral process.? They can be very helpful & put you in touch with other women in your area. 💐

I am with you. I know we spoke on your other thread @Lottie2267 ❤️

I've been ttc our first for 5.5years. We initially couldn't conceive and were on the infertility pathway for ivf. I did conceive on cycle 16 but had my first miscarriage. We were able to continue investigations and I conceived for the second time. I was referred to Tommy's after my second loss. But they found no cause and offered no treatment. I had 2 more losses under their 'care', so 4 naturally conceived. We tested our 4th loss and he was a healthy boy. Again no reasons offered. We had parental karyotyping, no issues there.

We went private and I was diagnosed with immune issues in November 2020. I started an extensive immune protocol but we couldn't conceive again. We had our one fresh cycle of nhs funded ivf and had a very early loss. Our self funded frozen embryo transfer worked and we saw a heartbeat for the first time, only to go back and she had died. Again we tested and she was chromosomally healthy. So our treatment didn't work. What followed was a year of more tests and cancelled frozen embryo transfer cycles as I stopped responding to hormonal treatment. We eventually managed to transfer our last 2 embryos but it failed. And my mental health was on the floor.

This was last November. Dh and I decided to stop trying, no more ivf. We're about £35k spent now and no further forward at all. These last 6 months we've been rediscovering life and I feel much more comfortable of life without children. It's not what we want, but we've given it our all. We know what's happening and why our babies have died but for some reason the treatment hasn't worked for us. We are loosely trying natyrally now but the drive and determination we once had isn't there anymore.

Its really sad how it takes over everything. I hope you are able to get some support. The one thing I would say is that my husband and I are closer than ever. I know not everyone has that experience. I hope you both are able to be there for each other xx

Sorry to all living through this it’s heartbreaking, we’ve been there. I had 4 losses in a row and was referred for testing (nothing found) husband swimmers fine etc. I was put on progesterone and fragmin and aspirin as a last ditch attempt/to cover all bases after my first 3 losses. I’m now mum of a 5 month old who I gave birth to in November 6 weeks before my 44th birthday - there’s totally hope. Please look into taking ubiquinol if you aren’t already and please look into taking the supplement NAC and continue taking it even if you do conceive (there is very good evidence it can help prevent miscarriage) I strongly believe that the NAC came through for me in the end (only thing I did differently on the 5th pregnancy). Still lost the baby on 4th try despite the fragmin/progesterone/aspirin! Who knows but please don’t give up hope. Sending love x

I think Lighthouse Women and Gateway Women are two different organisations. Gateway Women is still Gateway Women.

Although having checked it appears there is some overlap between them.

Op I'm so sorry to read your journey. I have had 4 losses too and can completely relate to the thought about when to give up.

I can also relate to the awkwardness of being asked when you'll have kids. And when you reply "oh not yet" how often you get the response "well don't leave it too long it might not happen straight away!"

I'd second what others are saying about high strength vitamin D and Ubiquinol - I was told about both from my fertility clinic. I agree with trying to push for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic. It's possible that no answer will be found (eg if the issue is egg quality as in my case) but it may unearth the answer, or it will at least give you a peace of mind.

Whatever you do, look after yourself and take each step one at a time.

Wishing you lots of luck in whatever path you choose.

I had many too, Agnus castus on site helped me. Low level aspirin too and high folic acid
Can you see a miscarriage expert?

So sorry you’ve been through this and I wish you well with whatever you decide to do xxx

I had two miscarriages and had NHS tests which discovered a slight progesterone deficiency which the consultant said shouldn’t affect pregnancy so wouldn’t give me pessaries in my third pregnancy which I then went on to lose. So he gave me the pessaries for pregnancy no 4 and she’s now 11 x

Agree with others....push for the referral. You are worth it.

We had unexplained fertility...lots of tests done...before conceiving a healthy DS naturally after 2.5 years of trying. After that had no probs conceiving but 3 miscarriages. Decided to see a private consultant...really just because I just wanted to speak to someone who really knew what they were doing and know my options. Ended up paying for a load of blood tests for issues with me. Nothing concrete but suggested injections but then had a 4th miscarriage. Next step was genetic testing but we decided to stop at that point, but this was heavily influenced by the fact we already had a child.

When we had DS most of our friends and family didn't have kids. Most do now so I think if I'd stopped without having had DS without exploring options I may have regretted it later, but that's very personal to me. I also don't know many people who have openly said they've had multiple miscarriages, however a lot of my friends have had fertility problems in general and nearly all of them have ended up having a child eventually with some form of help.

Good luck and pls be reassured you are definitely not alone!

Absolutely push to be referred for recurrent miscarriage care. I went privately as time wasn't on my side. I know it's a long way from you but women do travel very far, but I've been very impressed with CRP clinic in Epsom (also Harley street). Currently 12 weeks pregnant, after 4 early losses (and a nearly 7 year old child who was conceived with no issue) which has taken over 5 years with lots of failed ivf,
3 surgeries etc. it's also fine to just be ready to close the book on it all if that's what you want. I think my stubbornness is what has kept me going.