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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is weird?

21 replies

rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 06:47

My dh is a capable cook who cooks at least 3x a week. Last night I was making a carbonara, he asked if he could help so I asked him to grate some cheese. He got the grater and cheese out then stood looking confused. I asked if he was ok, he said is the cheese for the table. I said no the sauce. He then said he was going to grate it into a casserole dish I was using. I said no I was using the dish for something else. He started to get annoyed and said he didn't know what to grate the cheese onto. At this point I was confused and irritated as I was having to talk him through this. I suggested a chopping board , plate or bowl. He slammed about saying I was wasting pots. Which is ironic as when he cooks he uses double the pots I do. AIBU to find this weird? Who doesn't know what to grate cheese onto?

OP posts:
Brinnt675 · 30/04/2023 07:49

This is very odd, I'd suggest it's not about the cheese? Maybe something else is bothering him.

NotRightNowNo · 30/04/2023 07:55

Weird. Definitely not about the cheese. Maybe some long-buried-childhood-cheese-grater-related trauma?

Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 07:56

Yeah I don't know, we are preparing to move house so lots of stress. Maybe he did that thing of asking but hoping I would say no? So was frustrated when I accepted the help.

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 07:56

NotRightNowNo · 30/04/2023 07:55

Weird. Definitely not about the cheese. Maybe some long-buried-childhood-cheese-grater-related trauma?

😂😂 he loves cheese

OP posts:
notsayingmuch · 30/04/2023 08:05

How old is he? I think you should keep an eye on him. Perhaps he was just tired but it could be memory problems beginning. If you are moving that is one of the most stressful times in life, so encourage him to make time to rest.

SallyWD · 30/04/2023 08:06

Was he just annoyed you asked him to help when he wanted to relax?

Bernadinetta · 30/04/2023 08:07

Yes, possible deliberate incompetence OP, but as an aside, you need one of these cheese graters- you grate on the lid and the cheese is collected in the tub.

To think this is weird?
Summerslimtime · 30/04/2023 08:09

Controlling. You weren't making it his way i.e. the RIGHT way. It was fake confusion as you were making it so WRONG.

Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 08:09

SallyWD · 30/04/2023 08:06

Was he just annoyed you asked him to help when he wanted to relax?

I didn't ask he offered and I accepted

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 08:10

Bernadinetta · 30/04/2023 08:07

Yes, possible deliberate incompetence OP, but as an aside, you need one of these cheese graters- you grate on the lid and the cheese is collected in the tub.

Brilliant 👏👏

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 08:11

Summerslimtime · 30/04/2023 08:09

Controlling. You weren't making it his way i.e. the RIGHT way. It was fake confusion as you were making it so WRONG.

Good point he does do things in very specific ways. It's possible he couldn't get it because I don't make carbonara how he does

OP posts:
strawberryfluff · 30/04/2023 08:13

rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 08:11

Good point he does do things in very specific ways. It's possible he couldn't get it because I don't make carbonara how he does

Show quote history

Either he "couldn't get it" and was trying to make you feel you were doing it wrong. Or he genuinely couldn't get it as he's very used to doing things his way and has no concept of people doing things differently. Only you will know which.

CaputDraconis · 30/04/2023 08:15

notsayingmuch · 30/04/2023 08:05

How old is he? I think you should keep an eye on him. Perhaps he was just tired but it could be memory problems beginning. If you are moving that is one of the most stressful times in life, so encourage him to make time to rest.

This was my first thought too. As someone who was living with a parent with dementia some of the first signs were that he forgot how to do normal every day things.

unsync · 30/04/2023 08:41

Summerslimtime · 30/04/2023 08:09

Controlling. You weren't making it his way i.e. the RIGHT way. It was fake confusion as you were making it so WRONG.

This.

pawprintseverywhere · 30/04/2023 08:42

How old is he? Honestly this type of confusion can be a sign of dementia or even a UTI.

SallyWD · 30/04/2023 08:46

rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 08:09

I didn't ask he offered and I accepted

Show quote history

Ah I see. That's strange then.

mondaytosunday · 30/04/2023 08:53

It was a brain blip. You say you are both under stress.
My sister once got in the car with my younger sister. She sat there and they had a brief conversation about where they were going. Then they sat there. My younger sister looked at the older. The older said 'well we should go then'. And did nothing. Sat there for another bit then finally must of come out of her brain fog and started the car! Nothing similar has occurred since (and it was a few years ago).
It happens. Give your guy a break.

Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 09:36

pawprintseverywhere · 30/04/2023 08:42

How old is he? Honestly this type of confusion can be a sign of dementia or even a UTI.

Mid thirties

OP posts:
Original poster
rollingpunches · 30/04/2023 09:36

@strawberryfluff Thank you good point

OP posts:
Lx9ee2 · 30/04/2023 09:38

Bernadinetta · 30/04/2023 08:07

Yes, possible deliberate incompetence OP, but as an aside, you need one of these cheese graters- you grate on the lid and the cheese is collected in the tub.

great device here, blew my mind when i first used it lol

but for OP, could be something else and not exactly about the cheese - hope it's all alright

DollyPlop · 30/04/2023 09:40

He was assuming you would decline help … he then deliberately made a song and dance so you would learn not to accept offers of help in the future. Sounds like an idiot.

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