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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a bit irked - lighthearted

6 replies

dinkledo · 29/04/2023 23:54

Maybe I’m feeling sensitive as I’m under the weather at the moment but I’ve had enough ha ha

DH was cooking earlier and couldn’t find the mesh to the garlic press. He goes, ‘where have you hidden it’, I simply replied oh not sure not used it in ages used the lazy garlic this week. He adds, ‘well you’ve put it somewhere’

Later this evening, he’s washing his hands in the bathroom and calls through ‘what’s wrong with the soap, how’ve you managed to break it?’ I said, ‘oh, it’s new (bought it today) and I think the packaging is broken as it won’t unscrew and I’ve been meaning to find something to decant it into’. I then thought for a moment then called him out casually as that’s twice today that something has gone wrong for him that he should be able to troubleshoot by himself - he usually does - without consulting me, why is he automatically caused by me?

He can’t see the issue and said it’s just his phrasing and of course he doesn’t really think I’d deliberately hide the utensil!

Petty but has wound me up haha.

OP posts:
Nicflowers82 · 30/04/2023 00:01

My DH does this too! It does annoy me.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2023 00:19

It's not just "phrasing", and it's not accidental. He knows exactly what he's saying. It's manipulative, gaslighting behaviour, and it's done to undermine your confidence. It's not a joke and it's not funny. A loving, respectful partner doesn't play games like this.

Aylestone · 30/04/2023 00:29

Why is this the 3rd thread I’ve read today that’s had lighthearted in the title, that has been anything other than lighthearted. The first thread got deleted, the second one was so depressing I’m not going back to it. This one isn’t awful, but it’s more of a ‘why is my husband a complete cunt’ rather than a thread requiring a tilted head and tinkly laugh.

dinkledo · 30/04/2023 00:30

Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2023 00:19

It's not just "phrasing", and it's not accidental. He knows exactly what he's saying. It's manipulative, gaslighting behaviour, and it's done to undermine your confidence. It's not a joke and it's not funny. A loving, respectful partner doesn't play games like this.

Is it? He’s never done anything like this before and apologised immediately when I mentioned it, I don’t hold grudges but I’m still annoyed it’s like he doesn’t want to solve his own problems today

OP posts:
dinkledo · 30/04/2023 00:37

Nicflowers82 · 30/04/2023 00:01

My DH does this too! It does annoy me.

He apologised and said he understands how it’s come across after thinking of it, it was just the default ‘oh it must be you’ position winding me up today. I have double standards somewhat as if I can’t find the cellotape or a pack of batteries when he’s at work I’m immediately sending him strings of messages, but those things feel more acceptable haha

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 30/04/2023 04:06

Sounds like his behaviour was off today and you’ve nipped it in the bud. Hopefully he won’t try this again. If it was (or develops into) a pattern, then that’s a different matter.

Has anything changed in your relationship? You say you’re feeling under the weather. Are you just short-term unwell?

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