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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it doesn’t matter if the garden isn’t right next to my house?

93 replies

likeafireworkshow · 29/04/2023 13:53

We've found a house we love, great size, great location and in budget.

The garden is huge but is 2 levels lower the the house, with a drive way in between.

So house, steps down to driveway, steps down to garden. The driveway and garden are totally private, gates to access any part of the property and not roadside. The fences and trees are also high enough that the neighbour wouldn't be able to see into our garden from there's.

There's a fence around the driveway so if the kids were in the garden and I was in the house I couldn't see them.

I'm trying to decide if this is a problem. They're 10 and 6, and if they're in the garden now I don't stand watching from the window. Does anybody?

It's literally the only thing I'm not absolutely in love with and currently the only reason I've not already put an offer in, can I have thoughts please mn??

OP posts:
Original poster
likeafireworkshow · 29/04/2023 13:54

Didn’t mean to enable voting, my app wasn’t working so using desktop for the first time (Clearly) 🤣

I guess yabu - it’s a deal breaker

yanbu - it’s fine but the house

OP posts:
Blip · 29/04/2023 13:54

It will potentially be a pain if you like to eat outside

GrimDamnFanjo · 29/04/2023 13:56

We have a backyard, an alley and then steps up to a large garden. It's not been a problem. One of us would be with the kids when small.
They won't be you f forever and if everything else is what you need then go for it.

Arightoldcarryabag · 29/04/2023 13:56

In the grand scheme of issues it's minor. But it is an issue so it really depends on how you personally feel after you've considered all the factors.
For me, I'd be concerned about lack of sun with it possibly being in the property shadow at times but if that's not an issue I wouldn't give it much more weight than every other consideration.
Nice problem to have ;)

OldEvilOwl · 29/04/2023 13:57

They are 10 & 6 not babies, I'm sure its fine

Smartieegg · 29/04/2023 13:57

We had a house and garden like this. Totally charming, adored the house, but literally never used the garden as it was such a pain not having it just outside the door. (It was up stairs though rather than down, and we have a dog which made things harder). In a less charming but more convenient house now and I love the garden, live in it in the summer.

drpet49 · 29/04/2023 13:57

Big dealbreaker for me and I wouldn’t buy it,

Original poster
likeafireworkshow · 29/04/2023 13:58

@Blip there’s an extra bit of block paving right outside the back door on the same level of the house, current owners have a table and chairs on one side and an outdoor sofa thingy and bbq there, so that will be ok. That’s something else I loved!!

OP posts:
Frenchfancy · 29/04/2023 13:59

Is there any way to move the driveway so that you can have a patio/terrace next to the house?

Our main garden is beyond the driveway but we have a terrace right outside the door so we can eat outside.

KenAdams · 29/04/2023 14:00

Will it be your forever home?

titchy · 29/04/2023 14:01

I think the steps up from car on drive to front door would be more of a pain!

If you had play equipment close to drive could you hear the kids? What about if they were at the bottom of the garden? At those ages I don't think it's a deal breaker - could be quite adventurous for them in fact! And you could have a fabulous teenage den when they're older!

Original poster
likeafireworkshow · 29/04/2023 14:05

We have a terrace to eat on so it’s really just for playing in the garden. If we have a ‘garden day’ with the paddling pool or anything then we would of course be out there with them so that’s no issue. It’s more the 15 min runaround after school.

there is a garage on the driveway but so dh has suggested putting a camera in the garage looking into the grass… could then watch them from the kitchen or wherever.

yes, absolutely a forever home, or at least 20-30 years.

no scope to move the drive to the end as there’s no road access that far down, it stops at the gates just behind the house.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 29/04/2023 14:06

Re BBQs it'll just take a bit of extra planning. Likewise if it's icy, you could have salt standing by. If the house was perfect in every other way, I'd go for it. As said the teens would like the privacy.

Original poster
likeafireworkshow · 29/04/2023 14:07

@titchy could definitely hear them
from any of the outside space. And if we were sat where current owner has bbq/sofa we would see them too. It’s literally just that I wouldn’t see them out of any downstairs windows.
love the idea of it being an adventure, and other pp are right, they’re only going to get older.

no worries about it being in shadow, it’s quite a way from the house because of the driveway in between

OP posts:
MyUsernameIsBetterThanYours · 29/04/2023 14:09

They’re old enough now for this not to be a deal breaker on an otherwise lovely home.

We had quite a large section growing up and were perfectly happy and safe roaming around out of sight of our parents.

Partyandbullshit · 29/04/2023 14:09

I think it’s fine and not the sort of problem that can’t be fixed if it becomes a drag. Within 4-5 years your youngest DC won’t need supervision anyway. As long as the entire property is secure/ fenced off from cars, it’s fine.

Think about it as having a wraparound garden and your children playing on the side of the house you can’t see. You can’t have, won’t want to have it need to have eyes on both your children all the time. They just need to be safe from traffic.

MakesMeFeelSad · 29/04/2023 14:09

I think as you have a bit of a terrace outside the house to sit/BBQ and with the dc being the age they are its fine

Trinityloop · 29/04/2023 14:10

It really depends on your set up.

We declined a non attached garden for the following reasons

We wanted to be able to open the door and just let the dogs out. Potentially you could secure it with closing up your driveway gate, but I know I'd would be unlikely to open and close it several times a day. Theres also a likely hood deliverymen, post men etc won't. I know I'm lazy and the idea of having to check the gate multiple times a day in order to check the garden is secure. It can be non ideal for dogs because access to the front of the house can then mean rushing visitors, being able to be behind the gate when someone opens it eg postman, and being more likely to bark at people walking past if the garden adjoins a path.

I realise you may not have dogs, and may be more likely to open the gate, drive your car stop and close the gate multiple times a day and trust your kids to do so, or not mind if your kids aren't in a boundaried garden. I also would want pets and kids not on the drive unsupervised dye to cars moving about.

I really just wanted to be able to see the kids and dogs in the garden and use it as an extension of our living/play space. The dream for me is to be able to be in the house pottering while the kids are outside, or doing the washing up and able to see them. Dog wise not having a sight line is a no no for me.

I wanted the kind of free flowing where kids could go in the garden without shoes on, and that we wouldn't all have to stop what we are doing to accompany them back in the house for a wee (if you would feel the need to lock front doors while you were in the garden or kids weren't old enough to be left alone)

We have relatives with one and it just was clunky and meant they used their garden much less as it didn't feel as much part of the house. Things like eating in the garden, hosting and bbqs were more awkward.

I think it depends on the sensibility of your kids and if you would be happy for them to be alone at the park then of course a detached garden isn't an issue and the layout

GoodVibesHere · 29/04/2023 14:12

It sounds fine to me but then my DC are teenagers so rarely venture into the garden! Some DC would love it - stick a tent in the garden and have friends over they'd enjoy the privacy/separation from the house (mine aren't outdoorsy kids and didn't enjoy tents!).

However, I do enjoy being able to see into my garden especially to watch the birds and so on. I think I'd miss that.

Trinityloop · 29/04/2023 14:17

My experience is that they become a bit neglected, as its out of sight out of mind. You have to think "right I'm gonna go to the garden" rather than just slowly doing garden work, and seeing things as they sprout up.

It means you have to be more deliberate about doing garden work, and checking on it regularly.

We had a long narrow garden with a curve that meant we sectioned off bits, and the back section became a bit unloved.

It also meant we didn't visit it that much, we spent most of the time having a cup of tea on the patio for instance rather than using the lovely garden

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/04/2023 14:21

Our garden is like this. It was one of my favourite things about the house when we viewed because the way the garden is located means it’s secluded and not overlooked by any other house and so feels like we have a secret garden in the middle of London. We still use it loads, but we have a home office and a summer house where we store garden tableware and so on so less carrying stuff out.

Boomboom22 · 29/04/2023 14:23

Sounds totally brilliant to me and if it lowers the price compared to similar houses even better! Also when you buy garden stuff no need to lug through or round the house.

Hawkins003 · 29/04/2023 14:23

@likeafireworkshow it sounds quite excellent, and for extra security if needed you could always have cctv

HauntedPencil · 29/04/2023 14:25

If it's completely private it wouldn't bother me

RoseGoldEagle · 29/04/2023 14:26

It would be a deal breaker me because I rented a house like this for a while and just never felt the garden was properly part of the house. I like being able to sit in the house and look out at the garden, and easily fling open the doors and get in and out in the summer. But clearly lots of others aren’t bothered so it must just come down to personal taste