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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by WhatsApp comment

24 replies

Skydome · 29/04/2023 12:36

I'm prepared to be told IBU and overly sensitive. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to be annoyed with. The details are deliberately vague in case outing.

We found out that a close relative has a limited time left to live. It's come as a big shock with lots of tears.

Other close family members were also told and one piped up in the WhatsApp group to give their thoughts on news (sick relative not on WhatsApp). They basically said that the silver lining is this news gives us all a chance to reflect and discuss our own health. No mention of anything to do with relative or pulling together, or even 'how is everyone doing?' just what it mean do for OUR own health.

For context the person who said this is trying to build an online health coach type business and often gives unsolicited advice to others about their health and wellbeing. They've even used the story of a different relatives health issues as part of their backstory/ marketing for this new venture which I was a little unsure of at the time.

I also generally find this person quite self absorbed and inconsiderate of others and I think this comment just epitomises that tbh. If their main reaction to this news is about preserving and protecting their own health rather than checking in on others and being supportive, it's just pretty damn selfish. None of the other family members are unwell or with health problems and are also fairly young so the idea that we now need to sit and think about our own health so we don't get sick too just seems inappropriate right now.

I've not replied yet and it's probably not worth my energy but I guess I'm disappointed in them and they just seem tone deaf. I would love to give them a piece of my mind sometimes

OP posts:
FatGirlSwim · 29/04/2023 12:37

YANBU, that’s self absorbed and horrid. Also opportunistic in using it to promote their business.

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 12:47

@FatGirlSwim yes I wouldn't put it past them to use this at some point in the marketing. I hate thinking the worst of them but I am so disappointed by their reaction and they've also not been to see sick relative much. They're just in their own world and don't have to worry about real adult life as they still live at home and basically get their backside wiped

OP posts:
SchoolTripDrama · 29/04/2023 12:51

@Skydome PLEASE PLEASE say something OP you HAVE to, before they start on the sick relative and telling them to do X, Y & Z.

Weallgottachangesometime · 29/04/2023 12:52

Gosh that sounds very self absorbed and totally inappropriate for the tone of the messages.

Is it even worth your effort replying to it though? In my experience people like that never change and aren’t able to see how self involved they are. I’d probably just ignore it or turn all their comments back to the person who the focus should be On.

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 12:55

@SchoolTripDrama yes that's a good point, I can totally imagine them giving unsolicited advice to try and help sick relative. I know they mean well and its not from bad place but it's just so tone deaf. They just don't have the self awareness or maturity to realise that some of their behaviour and advice isn't appropriate ar times. It's landed them in hot water a couple of times

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 29/04/2023 12:56

I would either delete them from the group, or just say "now's not the time John" and move on.

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 12:56

@Weallgottachangesometime you're right. I might reply and put focus right back on sick relative and how we can support them so convo is about them snd making the best of time we have left

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 29/04/2023 12:58

"I totally disagree john. Now's the time, to find the best way to support our relative. There is no silver lining. "

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

SchoolTripDrama · 29/04/2023 13:04

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

THIS!!!!!!

dozydoo · 29/04/2023 13:06

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

Definitely this!

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 13:08

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

Yes this is good. Puts them in place a bit more

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/04/2023 13:16

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

I would send this.

maddening · 29/04/2023 13:24

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

This is perfect

Grumpypotamus · 29/04/2023 13:41

5128gap · 29/04/2023 13:01

I'd go a little further with 'I know you're keen to promote your business John, but now isn't the time'

Perfect.

SchoolTripDrama · 29/04/2023 13:57

@Skydome What did you say?

JudgeRudy · 29/04/2023 14:36

I think you need to be realistic here, this relative is not going to suddenly have a personality transport. They will probably respond best to clear replies.
I think "Now isn't the time for this John. I'm sure others agree"
This will give other family members an opportunity to show solidarity (even if just with a like). By not mentioning his business it avoids a reply stating why he posted. Keeping it simple avoids getting drawn into a conversation.
Thoughts with you and your family

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 14:37

I went back to say it wasn't the time to discuss our own health or be in the health coach headspace about this and we need to instead focus on sick relative and supporting them etc. They Responded with just a thumbs up emoji and haven't said anymore

Other relatives have piped up to agree and suggest things we can do

OP posts:
Heartsnrainbows · 29/04/2023 14:43

I'd have done the same. I know you mean well X but this isn't the time or place.

Original poster
Skydome · 29/04/2023 14:47

I agree I can't get this person to change and I've had frustration about their behaviour for a while but I think this situation has just shone the spotlight on it a lot more.

They've done various mindless and inconsiderate things/ comments out of naivety and not living in real world and part of me worries for them.

They gave someone inappropriate unsolicited advice at a temporary job which caused all sorts of drama and they were let go.

They stayed at a relatives house and while relative was at work they went out for the afternoon but left front door unlocked. Keys were in kitchen and door was obviously not self locking but instead of ringing to check or using back doors which had keys in they simply walked out and left door unlocked. No thought for security. When relative checked they said they hadn't realised - what adult does that when staying in someone elses house?

OP posts:
SnarkyBag · 29/04/2023 14:47

Well done for saying something. I would take thumbs up to mean you’ve rankled them a bit but so what hopefully they’ll keep their insensitive opportunistic comments to themselves!

cstaff · 29/04/2023 14:48

Nicely done op and you know the 👍 is his way of telling you that he is so pissed off that you and the other family didn't jump on the chance to get his advice or products 😉 or whatever he is trying to sell.

cstaff · 29/04/2023 14:52

Also the fact that other family members agreed with you just proves that they were thinking the exact same about his completely inappropriate comment but didn't want to rattle things.

Abacusporttaco · 29/04/2023 15:24

She’ll be cashing in on it in five…four…three….

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