To not be keen to host guests if we don’t have a spare room?

[WhoHidTheCoffee]

We live in a very ordinary 3 bed semi. No spare room and no prospect of having one. We do have a sofa bed in the living room but it’s not hugely private. It’s not a “big” house - one bathroom, no en-suite, etc. I don’t mind hosting family at all but feel it depends on the friends as to whether I’m happy with overnight guests.

We have two fairly young DCs and the older one is almost certainly neurodivergent (we are starting an assessment process) and gets very hyped/sometimes inappropriate when we have family to visit.

Do you routinely host people if you don’t have a spare room?

I tell people the kids can't cope with it (which is true). Avoids them asking again.

I would never ever have someone to stay in my house and luckily DP feels the same.

similarly, I would never ever stay in someone else’s house (childhood trauma)

@IfIGoThereWillBeTrouble , sorry to hear that - I’d totally understand. I come from the kind of family that is very hospitable with overnight guests and kind of expects everyone else to be as well (they have the space to do so).

@VikingLady , that’s not a bad idea. It’s partly that a particular friend has hinted at staying and while I feel guilty as she has been very hospitable to me when I was younger (she’s older), she is very outspoken and direct, and I suspect will end up pissing off DH (who dislikes hosting) and potentially winding me up as well. I’m happy to have them round for the day and feed them but would prefer the “aah- relax” moment at the end of the day!

Then it's even an honest response!

As I see it, my main priorities should be my kids and me. If I don't put us first, who else will? If I'm a mess because I'm stressed out managing everyone and getting nothing good out of it, and the kids are upset/wound up/melting down (we're all autistic in our home too) who benefits? I'd only accidentally let bad truths slip out and lose the friendship anyway.

If your friend lives too far away to visit and go home the same day, then I would say we'd love to have you come and visit, but I'm afraid that the kids struggle with having guests in the house for too many hours, and overnight is a nightmare as they become very over excited, or whatever, so would you be willing to stay in a hotel or AirBnB? You would? Lovely, when can you come. You can't afford it? Oh well, never mind I guess we'll just have to continue the way we are for the moment. Not that difficult OP.

If I didn’t have a spare room and additional bathroom I wouldn’t host people, no. I wouldn’t stay anywhere that didn’t either. Just not for me, too stressful, no privacy, just no.

YANBU.

I hate guests. The work, extra washing, and worry about entertaining/ feeding & unable to do my normal things. I find most people plonk themselves and except full service.

I found a solution without trying! When MIL was ill last year & all the family came to pay their respects & the funeral I was dreading a three month long conga line of relatives looking to treat us a hotel. No one stayed with us. One cousin admitted 'we've heard about that sofa'. So, there you go. Make sure your options are unattractive and no one will stay (at least a second time)!

This is a question of two camps. Either a natural host or you don’t like to. Never the Twain shall meet.

if you don’t like to, then make a polite excuse, although I’d not blame my children and I’d take it on me and say you don’t want to as you don’t like it and don’t have space.

however I’m in the other camp and love hosting.

If your friend has been hospitable to you (presumably you mean overnight stays?) then I think you should put yourself out for a night or two. Just use the sofa bed or move one of the kids out of their room for the night

We have occasionally been offered hospitality in friends/relatives houses but always chose to book a cheap hotel (Ibis etc). So much easier all round. You don't outstay your welcome or put them out catering for you.

You can simply say 'No, I'm sorry, we don't have adequate space for guests' and don't budge on that. If you want to go an extra mile, offer to help find a B&B or airbnb nearby.

There's no need to scrabble for excuses.

We host but that’s because I like to spend time with friends in the evening properly relaxing rather then always having to be out at a restaurant etc. my kids just bunk up with each other for a few nights. I don’t find it a big deal and neither do they

I could host another family for a single night but no more, we have a regular 3 bed and there just isn't room.

I’m the same, no spare bed room or bathroom and the house is generally quite pokey. I wouldn’t ever invite anyone here to stay, my mum has slept over once or twice to help out with childcare and she’s slept in youngest dc room while he slept in with me but it’s not ideal!

I said yabu probably unfairly in that it's great for kids, usually, to have relatives staying over, even if that messes up where everyone sleeps. But if one kid is Nd then maybe that's too big a challenge.

Sounds like you should just say no.
Nothing positive for you and family in hosting at all

I love hosting so would make it work but I appreciate from this thread that others don’t, so people should just do what works for their family