To think DC1 is more likely to be neurodiverse than DC2?

27 replies

Namechange20222022 · 29/04/2023 09:13

My DH thinks DC1 is NT, and has concerns about DC2 I think the opposite.

DC1 (7)
doesn’t make much eye contact, doesn’t ‘hear’ when we call his name repeatedly, has never been interested in pretend or role play, doesn’t sing or dance, emotionally shuts down, has signs of OCD, struggles to let us know why he’s upset.
otherwise he’s quiet, intelligent, doing very well at school and teachers haven’t raised any concerns.

DC2 (4)
none of the issues above, interacts emotionally, sings, pretends and is more playful, very chatty

however, naughtier and doesn’t seem to care about any consequences
very very high pain threshold (never flinched at any needle, bashed his head and it was bleeding and he didn’t notice)
is ‘ahead’ of his peers and very intelligent, very quick learner and always has been, reading, writing, maths, general knowledge etc
excellent cognitive ability

nursery teacher says he is very advanced, he gets bored sometimes which may explain the behaviour, again he does like reward but doesn’t seem to respond much to consequences either which she struggles with.

DC1 is quieter and more compliant most of the time, DH thinks he is NT and there is ‘something up’ with DC2.
AIBU to think he may be wrong here?

OP posts:

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 29/04/2023 15:34

FatGirlSwim · 29/04/2023 13:11

I have a different perspective which is that it sounds as though there are some indicators of neurodivergence in both children and that if they are neurodivergent, it is likely to be important for their own understanding of themselves, and self esteem, to know that. I’d keep an eye though and consider assessment if you think it’s apparent enough that they’d meet diagnostic criteria.

Neurodivergence can become more apparent as they get older but even if it isn’t causing difficulties for others, it can cause internal difficulties.

I agree with this post. You can't obviously tell from the information provided. My ND kid sounds like a mix of both of OPs (with some of their listed traits N/A) but both your kids could also be NT. It doesn't sound like OP is desperate to 'label' her children more that she is trying to better understand them wether ND or NT.

MargaretThursday · 29/04/2023 16:09

Namechange20222022 · 29/04/2023 09:54

Tbh, with DC2 my only serious concern is something like appendicitis- that’s a worry

Ds (ASD and ADHD) had appendicitis a couple of years ago. He rated the pain 2/10 so the surgeon didn't want to operate. However the paediatrician was confident it was, and so they went ahead.
It also turned out that his appendix was in the wrong place, which added into the surgeon's reluctance.

What I now do is tell the doctor that he has a very high pain threshold, and they do listen. Had to tell school too since he broke his arm playing football and continued playing... cue very embarrassed teacher!

I would go for the keep an eye out. I queried it with ds from about age 5yo, but it was put down to "summer boy" and his glue ear. If either of yours is a summer one, do look out for that. I reckon that's part of the reason summer boys do worse-because that's used as an explanation so they don't get the help the older ones do for the same behaviour.
Teachers didn't think he should be referred. I did it myself at 12yo and he is much more comfortable with himself since the referral.

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