Understanding Maintenance with Ex?!

[NotSureNotSoSure]

When ex and I split I said I would always pay half the mortgage (£350) as the house was my investment too and I will always do what I can to help financially with our DS.

And so for the last 5 years I have always paid half the mortgage and bought my DS their own clothes, food, nappies,anything needed whilst in my care.

Paid half of the nursery fees when he was in nursery.

Paid half of school uniform, school trips, swimming lessons, passport renewal. Anything for him I go halves on.

I am happy to do this but being a single individual and renting the cost of renting Vs the cost of the mortgage is extortionate so I do not pay any other maintenance other than half the mortgage as I simply cannot afford to. Sometimes I have gone without to ensure the mortgage is paid. (I am self employed).

My understanding is that this too is considered maintenance as it is paying for the roof over my sons head? Ex does not see it that way.

Ex has a partner now and is looking to sell the property we have so they can buy.

Ex says when the property sells the money I give them will then be considered maintenance and in her head thinks I’ve not paid a penny maintenance for our son to this date.

However when the property sells I no longer wish to pay the £350 as I already pay half of any costs of our son with my ex. Along with buying my own clothes for him. I have to put a roof over both of our heads when he is with me which is triple the cost and then some. I would rather have this money so I can do nice things with him which I’ve not had the luxury or budget to really do.

I have him 12 nights a month.

Is it unreasonable of me to not want to continue the £350 when the house sells?

You need to go on the CMS calculator, that is the minimum you should pay.

The house is an investment so you should get your half when she sells it.

Are you expecting money from the house sale?

Have you agreed a financial split or is this going through court?

Once all that's sorted, you can arrange maintenance payments.

Unless you have your dc 50/50, then yes, you will be expected to make these payments. It is separate from the financial split with your ex.

When the house sells you should get half of the equity as a lump sum. That is yours to do with as you wish.

However you will need to put your income through the cms calculator, including how many overnights you do, and it will tell you what you have to pay for maintenance. As you have your child for 12 overnights per month, there will be minimal maintenance as it's not far off 50 50 where no maintenance is due

Maintenance is reduced for every night you have your your child. This is because it is EXPECTED that you pay all costs related to your child when you have them - this would include food, clothes, nappy’s etc. If you have them 12/30 you are slightly less than 50/50 therefore you need to pay maintenance for the extra days your ex has them. Paying for the mortgage is muddying the waters as yes it is partly helping towards your child’s living expenses but it also providing you with an investment which isn’t part of maintenance. In short you need to pay maintenance even after the house is sold. See the CMS calculator for the absolute minimum amount you are obligated to pay.

Go through CMS. It saves any arguing. It takes into account how many nights you have your son.

Unless you share custody 50/50 then no it is not reasonable at all to not pay maintenance.

I’m happy to pay maintenance just not &350 I’ve been paying for half the mortgage once the house sells..given that I still pay for everything of my sons when he is in my care and half of any clubs etc.
When I look at maintenance online it says the maintenance money is for these things but I’m paying for them already additionally.
I’m not trying to take away from my son, im trying to make his time with me fun and give us things to do with the money that I would keep back.

His Mum is certainly not struggling and is able to pay to take him abroad and things I simply can’t.

Can I contact CMS myself and get them to arrange to start taking funds to pay my ex directly?

Just do the online calculator. It’ll tell you how much you have to pay. Send a copy of the result to ex. Pay that amount. Done.

It’s a 60/40 split

Pay whatever calculator says and don’t contribute to other stuff beyond what child needs when in your care 40% of the time

Whatever you think is fair it doesn't matter. You will need to pay the amount calculated by the CMS. They will take into account your salary after pension and the number of nights you have your child. Having said that, you will not legally obliged to pay half of anything anymore. That will be up to you.

For the future payments contact CMS and pay what they advise.

But I can kind of see what your ex is saying, if you've paid £350 a month for the last 5 years towards the mortgage, and you get that all back and whatever the equity is, then technically you haven't paid any maintenance the last 5 years.

And don't brag about paying for everything when your child is in your care, that really is a minimum.

I think your ex has a point. Think about what youve paid in addition to the mortgage. You say you have paid half of everything- but therefore so has she. As you dont have your DS half the time, you should have been paying more - so 60% of childcare, clothes etc. I would suggest that she gets 60% of the equity to make up for shortfall.
Then going forward, pay whatever the CMS calculator says, plus anything else you might want to contribute to.