Always worry about getting ill before a big event

[C1239]

I know this is stupid and pretty much out of control but I always worry about getting poorly before a big event, either a work event I really can’t miss, social event or holiday etc. Is this just me?! I know getting poorly is pretty much out of your control but years ago I missed a work event through sickness and my boss at the time went mad and I think this has stayed with me ever since!

That's a vicious cycle you need to get on top of because worrying about things is a well known factor to causing illness in people.

Yeah I have the same thing - was unwell before an ex’s birthday and he was really abusive over it - it’s actually caused me to have quite a severe phobia of sickness now - not out of fear of being unwell but the reaction from other’s if I was and it was out of my control.

I know I really need to break the cycle but how do you stop worrying about things like this?!

Yeah, I’m the same since covid. It’s rubbish. I’m always assuming nice plans will be ruined and I do fight this, but part of me doesn’t even want to schedule things in case they end up cancelled. Like I said- I push past that, but it’s annoying. I got so stressed before Xmas (I travel ‘home’ for it- 6 hrs away) that I got a rash all over my legs that miraculously vanished once I was en route and it was basically too late for anything to ruin it. I really try and keep a lid on these feelings because I don’t want my dd to feel the same. But solidarity- it’s crap.

It is crap isn’t it. I’m not sure how to stop worrying about it, I guess every time the worry comes into my mind just distract myself?! I know it’s such a silly thing to worry about

Oh yeah I’m the same. I think it comes from when I was a kid — my dad was super-stressed the entire time and made a big deal about nobody getting sick before ‘his’ big summer holiday.

I just chalk it up to personal history. And I look at the number of times I’ve worried about getting ill, then not got ill — which is 99.9% of the time.

Yeah I always worry about this. Particularly since having DC, I always instinctively want to avoid socialising with their perpetually ill cousins before a holiday. It's just not worth ruining it!

Yep this is me, big holiday in a couple of weeks and praying we are all well!! When my anxiety was really bad, I would make myself ill, confusing genuine illness with anxiety, it was quite limiting actually. But thankfully much more level headed now, but it doesn't stop me thinking "oh god please don't be ill" when something is coming up!!!

Oh and I recommend CBT, that really helped when I was in situations where I'd think "wouldn't it be awful if I was ill right now..." proceeding to make myself ill!

I hope you are not working still for your unreasonable boss, or a bully depending on how he reacted.

I'd suggest making sure no late nights and good sleep for the few days beforehand could help a little. Also having the plan B should you not be able to go, for work matters.

I was going to recommend CBT also. You're experiencing a form of anxiety and all the "what ifs" can be worked through with a therapist to retrain your thought patterns. It's worth it to address it.

@daisy46 yes absolutely, whilst I still get the same thoughts, I'm able to rationalise and control them much better than I did previously with the coping mechanisms CBT gave me.

I have had some therapy sessions before and we have discussed it and when we do it makes sense and k feel much better about it but then when it comes up to a big event again I seem to forget all that and get myself in a panic?!

@C1239 have you tried the 5 sense grounding technique and similar for immediate relief?

More broadly, the main thing I learned was to create my plan B "right if I need to leave I will go out that door over there, I will say I got a phone call" or in your case, mentally, if I can't make that event I will say it's because of X and I will do Y instead, rationalise that it's not the end of the world. And then usually that helps to calm me (ironically, catastrophising can be calming, when done rationally!)

I'm the same. Always worried I'll have stomach problems at a big event, but ironically the anxiety then causes gut issues so it's a self fulfilling prophecy!

Yes. For me it's party due to money- the worry of spending money on a holiday/ event etc then it being wasted if we can't go/ can't enjoy it.

No advice but I'm with you OP. Holidays are so expensive at the moment I find myself studying cancellation policies before booking anything, and will only go ahead if things can be cancelled or rearranged at the last minute without loss of all the money. I find it helps to have a plan b, or what happens if.. scenario planned out, I tend to get less anxious in that case.

Yanbu. I've been like this since I've been a working lone parent. I had to cancel so many things over so many years.
We're going to a gig in the summer and I'll be avoiding places and the gym a few days before we go.

My fear at the moment is a couple of work events and a upcoming holiday - the work event I worry how bad it will look if I’m just unfortunate enough to be poorly. What my previous boss said definitely plays on my mind.

Yes I think covid is to blame!

I'm like this too, have been since childhood and as another poster said, I worry so much it sets off my IBS and is a self fulfilling prophecy. It has got slightly better as I try and distract myself but wish I wasn't like this.

Sorry OP that's no help at all, but at least you know you're not the only one.

Yes it is quite reassuring I’m not the only one, I don’t want anyone to suffer but I thought it was just me!

I don't particularly worry that I will be ill but I do worry that one of my children will be ill before going on holiday. And it does put me off planning things much in advance. Particularly all the expensive Christmas 'experiences.' Sometimes I think about booking one but then worry that one of the kids will be ill and we'll have to miss it. Last summer I had a couple of things booked for my 5 year old then she went to a party at a soft play and came down with a sick bug, therefore missing the things we'd booked. And then when she starts to get well I start to worry that I'm going to come down with it, because any time she gets a sick bug I always catch it too. My husband sometimes escapes it but I always get it a few days later!

We went on holiday the other week and the day before we went a regular weekly activity of my daughter's was cancelled as a few kids had stomach bugs. We had seen those kids two days before so I was worried that my daughter would also go down with it just in time for our holiday! Fortunately she did escape that one!