To want a weekend to myself?

[IsThisAllItIs]

In recent weeks/months my husband and I have been arguing a lot. I am generally unhappy in our relationship and feel very under appreciated/like I am married to a ‘bare minimum effort’ husband. I have tried to discuss this with him and it always ends up in a row/him flying off the handle.

I’ve spoken to a couple of friends about it on and off for a while now and they’ve suggested we have a few days apart to cool down/reassess/think about our relationship, and that my Husband should be ok with me wanting a couple of days to myself without it being a big deal.

With the long bank holiday weekends coming up this month I thought it would be a good time for me to go somewhere by myself, and think about how I actually feel about this relationship after 11 years together.

I haven’t yet mentioned this to my husband, and I don’t actually know where I’m planning to go, as I know he will shout and make it a big deal/accuse me of sneaking off somewhere with someone/won’t respect that I would like some space.

Am I selfish/being unreasonable to want a few days to myself, or is it a totally normal thing to do? A - when needing to think about things and B - just anyway?

Any advice greatly appreciated.

IMO it's a completely normal thing to want or need in a healthy relationship but it'd make me nervous if my partner wanted to do it for the first time when we were going through a rough patch

Book and go, you do not need his permission or his blessing.

Do you have children together, is he one of those men who can't possibly look after his own children for more than an hour.

Your husband sounds abusive so I think its A good idea to go away and plan what to do next without him breathing down your neck.

I'm assuming you don't have kids as that would involve planning this in advance.

If no kids then just go off for a couple of days and have some space. It sounds like you need it.

Tell him it's a deal breaker.

Sounds like you don't have kids.
Screw the weekend, it's not even a sticking plaster. Just leave

What are you hoping to achieve from this weekend away?

You are obviously unhappy. And from the sounds of it you've been unhappy in this marriage a lot longer than "the last few weeks/months".

Do you think you deserve to be unhappy? Genuine question.

PP above described it personally as this weekend being a "sticker plaster". I'm not saying don't go. But I would go and make an ultimatum to myself whether I was continuing with this marriage or not. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just pack a bag and go.
Let him text to ask where you are.

The fact that he would think you were sneaking off somewhere with someone else says it all. What are you hoping to get from this break OP? If he doesn't see a problem he won't do anything about it I'm afraid.

Do you have kids? If not just piss off for the weekend. You don't his permission or to prearrange it.

Thanks everyone. No we don’t have any kids so I don’t need to consider anyone except him and I.

I agree I don’t see that I need his permission, a huge part of me feels like I couldn’t give a toss how he takes it or what the consequences are.

I feel like so much of my life, history, memories are with this man and it’s incredibly scary to imagine a future without him in it. But I don’t feel happy here anymore.

As you don’t have childcare to consider then you should be able to walk out of the house any time you choose and take the break you need. I don’t mean that you shouldn’t let him know where you are, but given his nasty reactions to things I’d book somewhere and tell him once you get there that you’ll be away for a couple of days.

unless you think he’s the type to change the locks and chuck your stuff out, in which case I’d just stay put for now and make a plan to leave permanently.

life’s too short OP….

YANBU to have space to think.

YANBU to consider leaving a relationship you're not happy in. When you have kids, the considerations go well beyond your own happiness. But as you'd don't have kids, I'm struggling to see why you're staying? Yes, the initial few months will be tough as you both adjust but I guarantee you'll both be happier in the long-term. It doesn't sound like your relationship makes either of you particularly happy.

Just go, have a really good think about your future without him muddying the thought process.