Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be upset over this comment?

17 replies

Genericusers · 28/04/2023 15:47

I have a friend who I met through the school run. She has a son is my son's class. They have always hated each other from the get go. We get along well.

Sometimes we end up walking together as we live near each other, and the kids end up bickering. My son wasn't being kind I admit but neither was her son. She turned around and had a go at my son (just as I was about to talk to him) and then said "Sorry, it isn't your fault" (to me) "I feel sorry for you to be honest" and pulled a face at my son.

I don't know why but it just ruffled me the wrong way.. I can be sensitive though. AIBU?

OP posts:

MissyB1 · 28/04/2023 15:49

Stop walking with her. And yes I would be pissed off, not for telling my child off but for the bitchy comment to you. She’s not a friend.

toomuchfaster · 28/04/2023 15:52

How can you call her a friend when she says things like that? Both to your son and yourself!! Walk a different way in future.

JudgeRudy · 28/04/2023 15:52

If the boys have bickered before and you've both accepted it I'm guessing it was a little more this time. Your son has done something 'unkind' and this parent has stepped in to defend her son. Without knowing the details it's impossible to say if she was out of order or if she was right to intervene and you were slow on the uptake.
As for the remarkbabout feeling sorry for you, I'd say she feels comfortable with you to be honest. I'd say that's how she genuinely feels.
Is your son hard work. Are you usually proud of him or concerned about his behaviour?

Lemondrizzlerain · 28/04/2023 15:53

She isn't a friend! Crikey. You need higher standards of friends OP!

Inthesamesinkingboat · 28/04/2023 15:54

all depends on how “unkind” your son was being really.

SmurfHaribos · 28/04/2023 15:56

Perhaps she views things differently to you. Is your son infact being unkind whereas you view it as banter? Maybe her son views your son as picking on him. It sounds as though she may just have has enough of your son being unkind to hers.
We can’t really judge here as don’t know what was said now or in the past.

aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2023 15:59

Hard to judge without knowing what the two children do/say and are like together. But I certainly wouldn't have said what she said to your face.

gelliprintcess · 28/04/2023 16:00

She sounds immature. You son might be behaving poorly, but that doesn't really improve her reaction. I'd stop spending much time with her, especially given that your sons don't get along!

Original poster

Genericusers · 28/04/2023 16:00

Her son was saying he was going to throw my son into the road so a car could hit him and then ran and pushed my son. My son said you aren't strong enough, and you're annoying while trying to walk away. I think she probably thinks that my son "picks" on hers but I try to overhear everything and her son often starts it so it isn't one sided.
I try to avoid walking with her for this reason but sometimes it's inevitable..

OP posts:

Original poster

Genericusers · 28/04/2023 16:02

My son definitely says unkind things, but to his credit he often tries to walk away and her son just follows him and gets in his face.
I think I'm going to have to find a new route home

OP posts:

gelliprintcess · 28/04/2023 16:04

In that case, I'd tell her that since the boys bring out the worst in one another, maybe it's best if we don't walk together. Then wait, do something for a few minutes before starting home, walk more slowly/quickly, etc. so that you won't be walking together...

aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2023 16:06

Genericusers · 28/04/2023 16:00

Sounds like her son was being much worse than yours here. If she's the kind of person who is blind to her own child's flaws and would say she feels sorry for you while HER son just threatened to kill someone, then she's not the sort of person I would want to spend time with around her child.

LittleMG · 28/04/2023 16:09

Whichever son was to blame, if someone said they felt sorry for me and pulled a face about my son I would never give them another moment of my time. If she asks tell her she’s been very rude about your son and you no longer wish to be friends. I would be absolutely fuming.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 28/04/2023 16:16

Ok, so if his level of unkind is threatening to throw your son into the road then you shouldn’t be walking together and putting your son in a position where he has to stand up for himself against such a nasty little toerag.

if you want to speak to this woman catch up over coffee, don’t subject your child to this and expect him to deal with that level of nastiness

Equalitea · 28/04/2023 22:06

I am the least confrontational person ever but this would have made me want to poke her eyes out. Not only was she unkind to you but she insulted your son. Please avoid her!

FictionalCharacter · 28/04/2023 22:19

Even if it means walking a longer route, it's sensible not to walk with them. The boys detest each other, so they'll be much happier if you don't throw them together like this.
She was horribly rude to you.

mainsfed · 28/04/2023 22:46

You need to learn to be more assertive and stand up your son.

It can’t have been nice for your ds, her telling him off, pulling a face at him, and you not saying a word to defend him.

Model assertive behaviour to your son by saying since the boys bring out the worst in one another, maybe it's best if we don't walk together, as suggested by gellip.

Flip