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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he has no interest or am I being silly?

40 replies

raspberryseason · 28/04/2023 09:47

I'm out of the dating game for twenty odd years.
I've matched with someone yesterday morning.
He is very attractive and exactly my physical type and his bio was well thought out and he ticks certain boxes for me eg shared interests, involved father, hard worker, professional etc.
We, in tact, have a good bit in common mutual acquaintances etc.
My experiences on line thusfar have been largely negative where sleazy men have been the order of the day.
So he was leaving work yesterday and asked if we could continue chatting last night but when I messaged him, he was polite ,interested , answered the usual questions through chit chat but then said that he was out with his mates so wasn't getting to chat much to me.
I told him to have fun and we'd catch up again. He 'liked' that response . That was it .
Am I being silly here to think he has no interest in chatting to me and does the fact that he didn't instigate chat when he suggested doing so, mean that he has no interest.
Or was he being polite saying that he was out so could t chat at that time.
Thanks .

OP posts:
BanditsOnTheHorizon · 28/04/2023 11:35

I think it's a good thing he decided to cut short the chit chat if he was out with friends, it means that when he's socialising, he's socialising, and realises it's rude to be chatting on the phone whilst out with friends

strawberry2017 · 28/04/2023 11:35

And this is why men find women so confusing! Look at all the different opinions on here 😂
I personally don't think you should read anything in to it. I would also drop him a message asking if he enjoyed his night.

Besttobe8001 · 28/04/2023 11:37

Really you are giving far too much headspace to a person you don't know at all. Please don't spend your time trying to guess the intent or motives of someone even when you have been on some dates with them.

Look at online dating as a way of meeting single people you wouldn't have met otherwise. Don't look at anyone as a potential partner until you've met them and even then, remember you don't know them at at all.

You (and we) can't know at all whether this person is interested in you or not.

girlfriend44 · 28/04/2023 15:21

Did he message you?

Original poster
raspberryseason · 28/04/2023 17:41

He did.
Messaged to ask how my day went and to say he had been busy organising a family event which is on tomorrow etc ...
So I'll reply and see how it all goes...

OP posts:
Original poster
raspberryseason · 28/04/2023 18:54

So we have a coffee date for tomorrow after lunch .
Wish me luck and thanks 😊

OP posts:
Wfhandbored · 28/04/2023 19:35

YAY Let us know how it goes!

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 15:00

If he isn't making dates then he isn't interested. He's messing you about right now to see how interested you are in him and when he knows exactly how much then he'll start to treat you like shit.. because he can
When he tells you he's going out you tell him you're going out too.
Monkey see, monkey do

You don't text, call, chase men. If they're interested then you just know. They'll always show up be around make dates.
I can tell you now he isn't interested

Also you mention all his physical features etc like you've already put him on a pedestal. So he's the prize and you aren't. You are the prize. I bet he isn't listing all your qualities only checking out if you're a fast shag and no strings attached fast shag (sorry but this is how men think)

I never go for attractive men. They're a liability. Pick men that are attracted to you. Old ugly men are grateful, appreciative, always call and never let you down
You may prefer to be lonely than do that but it beats being messed about by players
This guy is juvenile and hasn't and has no plans to settle down. He prefers his mates company (which may even.. Well.. is... cider for not interested.
Look for others x

Deathbyfluffy · 07/07/2023 15:02

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 15:00

If he isn't making dates then he isn't interested. He's messing you about right now to see how interested you are in him and when he knows exactly how much then he'll start to treat you like shit.. because he can
When he tells you he's going out you tell him you're going out too.
Monkey see, monkey do

You don't text, call, chase men. If they're interested then you just know. They'll always show up be around make dates.
I can tell you now he isn't interested

Also you mention all his physical features etc like you've already put him on a pedestal. So he's the prize and you aren't. You are the prize. I bet he isn't listing all your qualities only checking out if you're a fast shag and no strings attached fast shag (sorry but this is how men think)

I never go for attractive men. They're a liability. Pick men that are attracted to you. Old ugly men are grateful, appreciative, always call and never let you down
You may prefer to be lonely than do that but it beats being messed about by players
This guy is juvenile and hasn't and has no plans to settle down. He prefers his mates company (which may even.. Well.. is... cider for not interested.
Look for others x

Blimey, I'd pick this apart more but when I reached the generalisation that all men are just after a shag I stopped reading.
You have a very jaded view, and that's rather sad. It's also inaccurate. 😊

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 15:03

I forgot to add* I would only use messenger for meeting up. I don't play therapist to men or friends. They're either taking you out on dares, spending money on you... the rest is time wasting. Your time is precious. Value yourself and your time. Don't reply to his messages that aren't asking you out and don't send any to him enquiring how he is.

takealettermsjones · 07/07/2023 15:05

This thread is three months old so I'm guessing OP is either in a happy shaggy new-relationship phase with him by now or she's moved on 🤣

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 15:08

Do what you like. That's my advice. I'm happily married and seen it all, done it all got the tshirt. Men think about sex constantly. That's the forefront of their mind.
It will be his initial thoughts anyway.. but he doesn't seem like his interested in anything with you least of all sex. So you're lucky. You don't have to worry about whether it is or isn't. And I might be jaded but not delusional.

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 15:08

🤣 most likely! That's so funny

caringcarer · 07/07/2023 15:14

Let him chase you.

ezzysmom · 07/07/2023 18:32

How did it go OP!?

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