I hate my eyes

[eyecolourupset]

as part of side effect of my medication my eye colour is going to change. It’s already started changing a bit in patches and it looks ugly. I’ve had colleagues point it out and enquire why it’s happening- I didn’t want to tell them details and simply said it was a new medication but it’s not the most typical or expected side effect so they wanted to know why, what medication, what’s it for, what will happen with my eye colours etc.

im already a bit sensitive to it as I’m losing my blue eyes and I feel like my identify is changing. As vain and pathetic as that probably sounds. My parents had bright blue eyes and it made me feel closer to them having the same. But I know my eye colour is secondary to my health so obviously I’ll take the medication.

but how do I deal with the comments? I’ve tried to quietly shut them down by saying it’s private and I don’t want to talk about it, and I’ve tried being firm and saying it’s a medical issue and it’s private and stop asking me questions because it’s none of your business But it’s noticeable and it’s not stopping. Constant questions like what’s wrong with your eyes? They are changing colour! (No shit, Sherlock 🙄) what colour will they be? Will they keep changing? Why is it happening? What medication is it? I know they may mean well but I’m a shy person anyway and find it intrusive and upsetting particularly as I’m already upset about it.

Forgot to post my AIBU!

AIBU to be upset about both my eye colour changing and also the comments and intrusive questions?

just to clarify, my eye colour is not changing overnight it’s over the course of months and will continue to change. These comments have been non stop since the colour difference and patches became noticeable.

I’m upset about being unwell and the diagnosis but my eye colour is part of my identity and I feel so upset that it’s changing, on top of the constant questions

I'm really sorry this is happening and I hope you're ok..

Honestly though I'm surprised they have noticed and that it's even a thing?! I couldn't tell you the eye colour of one of my colleagues...

Do you work at an opticians?!

I would certainly be upset too OP and I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I think I'd just be semi-open: "it's down to a new medication I'm on and I'd rather not talk about it as I'm finding it quite upsetting" which would hopefully shut down any more questions.

Have you considered coloured contact lenses?

That would sort out the problem.

Why not see an optician for advice?

haha, no, definitely not an opticians- just a very boring office job!

I was shocked that they noticed it too! I think one person initially noticed it and made it more of an issue than it needed to be, and that's when others looked for it and noticed it too.

Unfortunately I can't get coloured contact lenses because of my eyes and I was recommended to avoid them at the moment anyway

I think there are two separate parts to your question. I personally don’t relate to eye colour being part of my identity. But can completely understand that I it feels distressing that part of you is changing and it’s out of your control. I think possibly some counselling could be helpful with accepting that?

Your colleagues are being very rude making personal comments. I have recently been diagnosed with a serious medical condition and the incessant questioning by some people blows my mind. No I’m not going to tell you personal medical information! I think getting on the front foot is the only way. Be blunt with them: ‘yes it has changed. I don’t want to talk about it’. Then walk away. And repeat if necessary. Shame them into silence!

I am curious to know what the reason was for not using coloured contact lenses ?

Two things:

1.you need to be blunt and tell them their line of questioning is inappropriate
2.you need to speak to your manager who can either privately speak to the people involved, or to generally issue a statement to the office that this behaviour isn’t acceptable

my eyes are far too dry and something to do with irritation on the front of them, I was told to stop and avoid wearing any sort of contact lenses at the moment

OK fine.

The it doesn't look like there is a medical solution to your problem, unfortunately.

So that leaves you with dealing with a load of ignorant people, who should just be ignored.

I have some clear glass specs that I wear to help with migraine (slight tinted lens) but I find they also detract from my dark circles, and I wear less makeup when I wear them. Could that work? Detract from the issue and put a barrier so eye colour is less noticeable. Might also get your colleagues to shut up if they think you now need to wear glasses because of it.

It is totally understandable that you feel upset by a significant change in appearance late in life especially if that's a valued family trait.

It’s just say that’s a very personal and inappropriate question next time, I’d hope that was enough.

I have the same thing op. Is the medication bimatoprost?

If it is you may be pleased to know mine stopped at a certain point. The greener inner areas of my eyes changed to a brown but the very pale blue bits stayed blue, so you may not find they dont completely change colour. Mine hasn't changed since about 3 years ago and I've used the eye drops for maybe 5 years total.

Not many people noticed mine change. I think more than being angry at your work colleagues understand that to them it's probably a very unusual and surprising thing that your eyes have changed colour, and they probably have no idea how it makes you feel. I'd just tell them gently that it's a medical matter and you would rather not discuss it.

Under NICE guidelines, your consultant should have offered you a surgical alternative to the glaucoma drops which is equally effective.
Did you consider that as an alternative?