To ask for some advice about how to navigate a wedding as a bride with Autism (&ADHD)

[Namechange4044]

My partner and I have been together like 15+ years. All our friends around us are getting or have got married. When I was younger I said I didn't want to get married so he accepted that and we never spoke about it after.

Over the years my mind has changed and I've spoke about this to my partner. He confided that he was terrified of the thought of having to have a stag do and a wedding and all of the attention that brings (we think he has some kind of neurodiversity too but haven't really explored that in full yet as his daily functioning is less flawed than mine 😅)

He seems to think that because neither of us would choose to do the traditional big wedding thing that we can't get married. But he doesn't want to be with anyone else and sees us as together forever anyway. I explained although I want a marriage I don't want the usual wedding any more than he does. The thought of being the centre of attention in front of a large group, speeches, first dances and all eyes on me for a full day makes me feel physically sick.

So I'm asking for some ideas and advice from people here - whether you have similar issues or just a few ideas to throw into the mix I'd be really grateful.

My first thought was that we could fly to Las Vegas and have a cute desert wedding - really small with our parents and one best friend each + partner. He liked this idea but I think he's also nervous of the proposal and the pressure all of this brings. So I'd like to explore alternatives.

The other aspect is generally being a bit of a people pleaser and not wanting to upset anyone. We are close to my partners family side and have lots of mutual friends who's weddings we have all been to. I don't want to offend anyone so I'm wondering if it would be acceptable/appropriate to have some kind of post wedding party back at home that is far less pressure and doesn't have the speeches and traditions so they still get to celebrate with us in some way. I'm not sure if this would feel uncomfortable for us until it happens though.

I'm just looking for some support and ideas as I'm massively overthinking this and also will be 36 this year and don't want to leave it much longer if this is going to happen...

I was exactly the same op. We did a little registry office wedding with a cream tea afterwards, close family only. Then the following day a giant tipee in a field with a hog roast and picnic blankets and a fire pit/smores for after dark. We invited our friends with lots of kids so that made it all very informal. No speeches, no first dances, no bridal party. For my 'hen' I went on a spa day with my two closest friends and my sister arranged some outdoor activities, archery, clay pidgeon shooting, horse riding, go ape. Was ace.

He doesn’t need to have a stag - DH didn’t. He had a meal with his best man.
have the wedding you want. There are no rules about after the ceremony. You could go to a restaurant or do what my DPs did - just witnesses and a meal afterwards.
I always think it’s better to spend more money on the honeymoon anyway

Your wedding is what you want it to be! We just decided to get married. Booked the registry office and dinner in a restaurant we liked. No big white dress, no speeches, just a nice time with about 20 family and friends. Never regretted doing it this way.

Book a registry office, post the date and general area on here for witnesses and get married.

Throw a party later to celebrate. The important part of a wedding is the vows, your promises to each other which brings the legal commitment. Everything else is just superfluous.

Thank you so much for all the replies everyone, sorry I didn't come back to the thread for a while. I'm going to share this thread with my partner (he is on board by the way, I'm most definitely not forcing a wedding/marriage upon him!)