To be a bit annoyed at my friend

[Badfriendeeek]

So I have a close friend, she is like my kids Auntie.
It's hard to catch up with her as much as we used to as I have 3 young children, and she works shifts.

Anyway, we organised a couple of weeks ago to see her tomorrow to 'do something with the kids' as she told me she had the day off.
This evening has come around and we were messaging and she said "so tomorrow, just pop into mine when you have done the school run and we can have a coffee and a catch up.." I will drop my son at school, but I then have my 22 month old and 6 month old. Going to her (mums) house is not entertaining for them as she has nothing there for them, it is also considerably smaller than our house, so not really any space for my toddler to do anything!

She also then said that she is pretty much only free for a couple of hours in the morning, as she has to go out somewhere else in the afternoon.

I'm annoyed as I have specifically kept this day free to see her and do something with the younger kids. I was under the impression that we would take the kids to the park/ go for a walk or something like that. I usually always meet my SIL with my children's cousins otherwise!

I know I should just say to her, but she doesn't really understand sometimes as she doesn't have children.
Like I will be able to sit and have a coffee and a catch up anyway. HA!

I would just tell her that doesn’t work for us, would love to see you if you can meet me at xx. You don’t have to go to her place. But be aware she might cancel.

I think you're a little unreasonable to expect her to keep her entire day free rather than a few hours. My guess is that she misses being able to sit down and have a proper chat with her friend and she's trying to recreate that. Or she doesn't want to walk around watching you attend to your kids in the park. I've been the friend who has just followed along when my bestie had kids and I did miss her and if I'm really honest a little bit of me did resent that every time I saw her the kids were there and interrupting etc (just being normal kids) and I was very aware I wouldn't have the same chat with her in front of her kids as I would have had alone with her so there were parts of my life that she missed out on as a result. Now I'm the one with the baby and I understand it a LOT more and I'm really glad I never said anything and just went with it and we're still friends! I would suggest trying to arrange some 1-1 time with her and go for a meal or a coffee without the kids.

The other possibility is that she's trying to save money by hosting you at your house? Could you bring toys and snacks for your kids and go with it as a one off? Or if you're sure it's neither of those things then just say to her that you're worried the kids will fuss so you'll be distracted and not get to chat as much. If she doesn't have kids she won't understand so you need to communicate it to help her get it.

Couldn’t you just let her know your plans for a more meaningful catch up, where the kids would be occupied, allowing you quality time with your friend?

OP just reply you’d prefer to meet at the park (or whatever else is available in your area) so the kids will be out of your hair.

Did she actually say the two of you would fo something specifically for the kids or was it more a case of her saying you two could do something (with ghe kids) as in yeah I know you've got yhe kids but we can still meet up.
You also said she was round last night. So you saw her last night and also planned to see her the next day but didn't actually mention what you'd be doing .
I think you both need to make it clearer what you expect from a meet up. I don't think many people (without kids) would particularly want to spend their limited free time with someone else's kids. Meet up in the evening when you haven't got the kids and save 'family' meet ups for when she comes to your house.

YABU to expect her to keep her entire day free to do what suits you if that’s not what was arranged

Just grab a half hour coffee with her and leave soon as you drink it if your babies are making it impossible to visit her?

To play devils advocate, it’s not worth her keeping her entire day free just to spend time with your kids. Young kids can be tiring and more appealing in small time doses. She doesn’t want her day to revolve around children’s activities. She misses you and wants to spend time with you, but unfortunately the dynamic is different with kids.

Yabu

Did you think you would spend the whole day together? Doing what? You didn't plan anything.

She's invited you round for a cuppa a natter.

You take toys to keep your children entertained

She really hasn't done anything wrong and you are being silly

I understand your point about sitting for a coffee with kids that age, but she probably doesn't so unless you explain she can't guess.
I didn't really understandwhat it was like until my own toddler got to that stage, but my NCT friends tried to tell me and completely accepted that at the time (and we did other stuff like going to a park).

YABU to expect someone to keep an entire day free for you, unless specific plans have been made that she agreed to

Thanks for your replies everyone. Looks like I am being unreasonable!
So generally speaking, whenever we make plans like this before it's kind of just a whole day (majority of) thing, and always has been. We've been friends for 15 years and I've had kids for 5 of those, but maybe I should have just double checked!
Looks like I am the bad friend now anyway as I have to cancel as my baby is poorly. So I'm doing the school run and bringing her back to have a big nap!