Work - what am I doing wrong?

[Deathmetal]

I have been at my workplace for 2 years. Initially when I started, I was popular and a top performer. By popular, I mean I spent every lunch with colleagues, had regular outings, group chats, lots of support on my projects etc.

As time has passed, most of my friends have moved on and I don’t really have any friends left at work and am alone most the time with my head down. No major incidents, more that I’ve withdrawn myself as I apply for other jobs.

I find that colleagues tend to snap at me over things and leave me out. I have a reputation of being capable, so this means people expect me to take on extra work or do their work for them. If I push back, I’m made to be unreasonable. If I raise a concern, I’m expected to be the one to compromise every time.

but I can’t help but wonder if this keeps happening so frequently, if there’s something I’m doing wrong? Eg what am I doing that rubs people up?

Hi @Deathmetal you've not done anything wrong.
What's happening in your office / team sounds normal.
I've worked in an office / team environment for 25 years so i've seen it all lol!
Just carry on being the capable worker you are and applying for those jobs x

Hi summer, thank you for that x

All the best op, it's a mix at times with people.

Thank you, it’s just hard to shake the feeling that everyone hates me so I was wondering what on earth happened

Sometimes the dynamics of an office can just change. If a lot of your friends have moved on then perhaps the new starters have just changed the vibe and you feel out of place now. I doubt it's you.

As above but I would also suggest that it's a good time to move on and look for something else

yes the dynamic has certainly changed! But that doesn’t explain being treated as a skivvy or being snapped at, maybe I need to be more assertive. I do have an interview next week luckily.

You’re most likely doing nothing wrong.

Usually when people leave and new people join, the culture changes, not always for the better, and you end up being one of the people on the outside. It’s tough, but it’s not personal.

It's hard to tell without being there to observe the situation with your colleagues, but I have been working for the same company for 5/6 years now and my first couple of years were very much as you described.
A few of us started within a few months of each others, same age group and similar lifestyle, we had time to socialise and were all massively overworked but were relatively junior in our career and very supportive of each other. Then some left, other took opportunity for promotion, new people came in and the dynamic changed.
The closeness within that group means that we were very tolerant with request for help at work and sharing a lot about our personal life too so understanding of others moods/behaviour.

I miss that time too but I think it's rare to build that kind of group dynamic at work, and more about luck/circumstances. It's probably nothing to do with you or your personality. As you said your behaviour has changed a bit too, and it's totally normal after a couple of years. People might be snappy, or you might perceive it like that, but maybe you just don't know them enough to go passed it (and vice versa).

I was looking at other roles around the 2-3 years mark too, but in the end stayed and with promotions, working from home, etc I found a new equilibrium with friendships outside of work.

Thanks for sharing. I have friends outside of work luckily which is why I don’t mind focusing on the job and not socialising as much. But I think some people are trying to take advantage ie I’d be an easy target to push over!

definitely craving a fresh start. I think I prefer being the new person at work when everything is fresh and exciting