Moving away

[xx200xx]

Hello,
So I basically moved away from my sons father 3 months ago to go to a refuge due to abuse.

My son is 19 months
We have been going through the court process and he's applied for 50/50 custody. However he had the option to see our child next week for 2 days a week and 2 hours and he refused because he wanted him over night. Even the judge said that was a disappointment that he didn't accept the offer to see him. However back in 5 weeks as DS father is still trying to get the overnight stay. He has lied so much in court about me and has been awful to me. He's also trying to get out of paying any maintenance for our son.
I currently live an hour and half away from him in a refuge, I'm somewhere without any support system.

However my family all live 3 and a half hours away from DS father. They suggested I move down near them as my son will then have family to grow up with and I will have my support system and extra help.

I'm just really worried about my sons father. What the courts might say?? Also if my son grows up to hate me because of this??

My sons father wrote on a CAFCASS report how when I leave refuge he's worried who I have around my son and how I don't have a support system etc. Also bringing my mental health into the courts.

So if anything moving closer to my family would help?? But I'm so worried about what to expect and maybe I'm doing the wrong thing??

Hi OP this sounds like you and your DS have had a hell of a time.
If family are offering support I would move closer to them. Tell the courts it is to support your mental health and the needs of you and the baby.
If your ex doesn't like it tough. He should of been a better father/partner and life wouldn't be going this way for him. You need to put DS and yourself first if that is moving to where your support network is so be it.
If the courts do grant access then it is his business to pick up drop him off, especially if he refuses to pay matinance. (ring CMS tell then what has happened they will but a deduction of earnings on him (I have one on my ex) they will likely waver the fee due to the DV circumstances. I didn't have to pay due to DV in the relationship)

The not taking the time offered by the court and demanding overnight is him trying to control you still! Stay strong OP the courts will see through him in the end you just need to let him trip himself up.
Good Luck 💐

This is what I'm thinking. It would help a lot and there is more opportunities for me closer the family.

I just can't help but feel sorry on my sons other family even though they hate me at the moment and wouldn't batter an eyelid if it was the other way round.

Not sure if the courts would allow it. But I have emailed my solicitor to get an opinion. 🩷

My eldest walks past the Pub the other grandparents run 4 times a week to go to his part time job they don't even know who he is or if they do they ignore him! They have moved on as sad as it is.

In late 2008 I found my backbone and told him I'd had enough of faffing (changing pick up days. times ect) paying ex to take DS (as in his opinion the gov paid for our son so why should he have to spend his money when doing things with him) Ex was told if he wanted to see DS we would get a proper arrangement.

He tried the 50/50 and was laughed at as he had no fixed abode to take DS to!!!
In the end he lied to solicitors. I was mentally unstable, a lady of the night and all other things I wasn't. (He did nearly make me mentally unstable)
In the end we tried mediation it took him 4 months to sort it out. It didn't work as he had his list of demands and wasn't willing to budge. I was done running around accommodating him, so let him start the ball with it. After all his lies to several different solicitor firms he ended up getting a new victim (girlfriend) and hasn't seen his DS since!
Men like this are fickle and once they realise you won't give control they tend to move on.

Best advice is do what you believe is right for you and your DS only you know what thst is.
What his family think is up to them don't worry yourself with it. Opinions will be based on what he has said not what is true.
💙

I'm glad you have asked, if you do have any out side services involved with yourself get supporting letters off them in regards to moving closer to family and how this would help you. Healthy happy mum = Healthy happy DS

He's told so many lies about me also, it's hard. He's never really been that bothered about our son unless he really had too.

I just feel like im gonna hurt people by doing this. But my son is so much happier visiting my family.

Child maintenance said i can open a financial investigation so that's what I'm gonna do.

Part of me think he's only dragging me to the courts all for control. He said to me the reason he wants 50/50 was so he don't have to pay me.

I just wanna be happy and I think living near family I will be! But just worried about that aftermath of this. I must say I do have a non molestration order on him.

The aftermath won't be easy but it will pass.
He's trying to use your DS as a way to keep control. It will take a while for the penny to drop he doesn't 'own' you.
Keep strong OP.
Don't call him out on his lies just ask get your solicitor to ask his for the proof of the accusations. You may be guilty of one or two (we are all human and do things we regret)
You may find out of site out of mind works.
I really hope you can get the help and support you need. x