AIBU to be in bed already?

[NameChangeMumma23]

AIBU to think it’s ok for me to go to bed at 8.30 this evening?

My husband has got a bee in his bonnet that I’ve said I’m aiming to be in bed by 8.30 this evening. He says it’a rude and I should be spending time downstairs with him as we don’t get much time together during the week.

I said it’s perfectly reasonable. On Monday and Tuesday this week I worked 8.30 - 19.30 with an hour lunch break and will be doing the same on Thursday and Friday. I have to walk to work which is a 45 min commute as there are no busses and he needs the car to take our DCs to school as he needs to get back for work.

I’m shattered already from Monday and Tuesdays working pattern and today I did all the roused work I don’t have time for in work days. I cleaned the bathrooms (x2), the kitchen, dusted and hoovered the house (3 bed detached), did a load of washing, stripped and remade the 3 beds, went food shopping for the week and then cooked tea. All I’ve asked of him tonight is the dishes and take the bins out.

So not do drip feed he works 36 hours a week over 5 days from home and I usually do 25 hours over 2 1/2 days (but doing more this week due to staff sickness and holiday) I also always do all the housework (apart from dishes and bins). I usually put the evening meal in the slow cooker before I leave for work and make the DCs packed lunches before I go to bed the night before.

I’m absolutely shattered. I need the sleep this evening and now I’m being made to feel guilty I’m not sat downstairs watching shit tv with him. Our youngest is in bed already and our eldest is watching football in his room.

YABU: go and sit with your husband for an hour
YANBU: go to bed, sleep and don’t feel guilty about it.

I think you know the answer, OP.

Sweet dreams ❤️

YANBU, perhaps when you are less tired you can go over a fairer division of house labour with your disgruntled and selfish husband.

Good night.

I second this !

Sweet dreams 😴❤️

Thank you both. I thought in my shattered state I was being over sensitive. Phone is going off. Earplugs and sleep mask are going on and I'm going to sleep. Roll on bank holiday weekend, no alarm or work for 3 days 🙂

About once a week, I have to go to bed early to catch up on sleep, we all get worn out he needs to respect it.

Of course it's fine to go to bed now.
Get yourself a bike, that commute will be down to 10 minutes.

I often go to bed at 8.30 ! I love it. I have a job which means I’m communicating all day, I have no wish to communicate when I get home. Well, I do communicate, I have kids to feed and get sorted but once they’re in bed I can’t wait to go to bed with my book in be silent! Your husband is definitely being unreasonable and as others said a more even split of housework might help.

Have a lovely sleep OP. I’m in bed too, having started work at 7:30 today …. 😊

YANBU!

The only reason I’m not tucked up in bed right now is that I’ve got wet hair from my shower and I’m mustering up the energy to dry it.

I always feel I need a couple of early nights in the week so I don’t feel overtired during the days.

Husband can entertain himself and quite likes his nights in charge of the TV!, I’m hardly good company if I’m snoozing on the settee!

Perfectly fine. Tell your husband that if it's so important to him to sit together on an evening he can scrub a toilet, change the sheets, hoover the floors, and do some meal planning to make sure you're not this shattered by 8.30pm.

I’m peri menopausal and cherish my time in bed - sweet dreams!

Why is your husband not at least sharing all those tasks if you’ve been working those hours? You could get it all done in half the time and then spend an hour together at least.

Go to sleep!!😴

tomorrow ask yourself why you're doing practically everything around the house, shopping etc.

why can't he take you to work if he wants the car in the day?

as for whinging about you going to bed, tell him if he pulled his weight at home you wouldn't be quite so bloody knackered. Utter twat!

YADNBU night x

If he works 36 hours and you work 25 then there needs to be a more even split of tasks. Then you wouldn’t be so exhausted doing everything. You shouldn’t do 100%.

No problem going to bed early but it’s not much fun for you - work, housework and cooking then bed. You get no downtime and that’s on him.

That’s a great idea!
@NameChangeMumma23 YANBU at all
i’m already in bed too having being up since before 6am
sleep well

Good grief!

I often go to bed at 6:30pm, to read or watch telly. DH doesn’t care , he’s a grown man and I’m a grown woman, we make our own decisions.

I go to bed when I’m tired regardless of wether DH is or not. Sometimes I go straight to sleep, other nights (like tonight) I’ll just take a cup of tea up with and twat about on my phone for a bit. If DH wants to join me he is more than welcome but I listen to my body and won’t force myself to stay up to keep him company on the sofa if tired.
I have 4 DC including a teen and pre-teen who often go to bed later than me, so going to bed at 8pm is the only time I truly get left alone in peace! 😅

OP does your husband not like football? I usually say something like ' expect you'll be watching (insert football team) tonight, there's usually some shit football on ,his little eyes light up and I pretend to be the martyr and go to bed to read. 🤫😊

Not unreasonable at all.

I sometimes go to bed at that time and during the week, I am rarely out of bed beyond 9pm. I do mumsnet/read a while.

Thankfully, DH is the same!

I think working, especially long hours and/or demanding jobs (either mentally or physically) on top of running a household etc. Is bloody tiring at times!

We often go to bed this early. We wake between 5.30/6am.

Thanks all. I had a great sleep and am now ready face the day again. Going to try and discuss the division of labour too but may be problematic as he's always said that I should do the bulk of it as I'm part time. That was fine when I did 16 hours compared to his 36 in an actual office but now I'm doing 25 and he's from home it should be changing really

Honestly I need to start going to bed at 8.30 once a week I think! I'm jealous of the self discipline. I'm up early to get ready for work before my son wakes (which is already early) and I'm feeling it.

I love an early night and 8.30 is my usual. Not to sleep but to chill, read, stay warm, be more comfortable. Couldn't do this when exH was around as he wanted me by his side constantly. Also cant do it until kids are older. I think people go to bed earlier these days as we can take all of our entertainment with us. I cannot fathom how my elderly parents sit up until 11pm every night. I'm bored of the sofa by 8!